


All the Days of Our Lives, Phase 4 (currently on hold)

by ElrondsScribe



Series: All the Days of Our Lives: The Avengers [4]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Ian Boothby - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-05-17 15:55:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 43,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5876812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElrondsScribe/pseuds/ElrondsScribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU, third in my series. The Avengers watch Iron Man 2. Warning for some violence, some language, and some suggestive themes. Pairings and characters remain unchanged.</p><p>ON HOLD UNTIL I FINISH INCREDIBLE HULK.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. More About Tony, Really?

"Another Iron Man movie, oh joy," said Clint, staring glumly at the DVD case in his hand. This time he had claimed the loveseat and Laura was sitting beside him. All the Avengers were once again gathered in the AF entertainment lounge.

"Yeah, I don't know whether I should be offended or not," said Tony, who was sharing the couch with Pepper and Vision and Wanda (the latter only because she was sitting with Vision). "On the other hand, given the way the last one went, I gotta say I'm feeling you on this one."

Personally, Wanda could not help but agree. However, she was currently in a rather wonderful mood, for she could now say with confidence that she knew something the other Avengers did not (except, of course, for Vision). She hoped very much that one day it would be safe for her to personally meet the agents who were so busy gathering their own powered army; she also believed she had gained a better understanding of what the Americans meant by _badass_.

"Just put it in," said Pepper. "The sooner it starts, the sooner it's over."

So Clint opened the case and popped out the disc, walked over to the player, and put the disc in the drive.

"And here we go!" said Maria. "Should be fun."

But almost at once a voice started talking - Tony's voice.

" _. . .there's been speculation that I was involved in the events that occurred on the freeway and on the rooftop. . ."_

"Starting right where the last one left off, huh?" said Steve.

The real Tony shrugged. "I guess. These videos sure start in some interesting places."

But the view that appeared on the screen was not of that press conference, and instead showed a busy street somewhere in. . .Moscow?

"What's this?" asked Pepper.

"Moscow?" asked Tony. "Well, think about it."

"Mm," said Natasha, and Pepper and Rhodey both began to scowl heavily. Wanda got the idea that Tony might have some apologies to make later.

Thor glanced quizzically round at them all, but kept his mouth shut.

" _. . .I know that it's confusing,"_ said Tony's voice as the view moved above several sets of train tracks. " _It is one thing to question the official story and another thing entirely to make wild accusations or to insinuate that I'm a superhero. . ."_

"That press conference was broadcast worldwide," said Maria to Thor's look. "I'm pretty sure you and Maximoff are the only people in this room who haven't seen it before - well, before yesterday."

Which was quite true.

And now the view had changed to one of a side alley, and from there to a small television screen in a dingy little room where the press conference was playing with Russian subtitles.

"Look, a bird!" said Darcy, pointing.

There was indeed a small white bird perched near the TV.

"Um, squirrel?" said Clint in amusement.

An old man lay on a bed and watched the television. Sam hesitated for only a second before saying, "Hey, isn't that -"

"Anton Vanko, yeah," said Fury.

On Anton Vanko's little television Tony was just uttering the final words:

" _I am Iron Man."_

The old man, Anton Vanko, looked away from the TV. " _Ivan?"_ he called, so softly that Wanda wasn't sure everyone watching could hear.

"Do _all_ these movies about us begin with at least one person dying?" asked Steve, and Wanda realized with a start that the previous two movies had indeed included a death or three within the first two scenes.

"Don't jinx it, Cap," said Bruce.

And as the side corridor came into view, they had another look at how run-down the place was. They appeared to be looking into the bathroom at the shower curtain, which was drawn.

"I don't see anyone," said Rhodey.

" _Ivan?"_ called Anton again. " _Ivan?"_

"Where's Ivan?" asked Tony in surprise. "I'd have thought -"

The old man gave a cough, and part of what had looked like the shower curtain suddenly moved and turned.

" _There_ he is," said Tony with mock joviality.

"Oh, that's a _person!_ " said Steve at the same time, pointing. "I was wondering."

"Meet Ivan Vanko, Captain," said the Vision.

It was indeed a man, with a hard, weather-beaten, careworn face - the same man, in fact, that Wanda remembered glimpsing through Tony's memory, with the flashing whips.

"He looks _so much_ older than forty," said Laura.

"Forty?!" said Betty. "He's only forty?"

Pepper chewed her lip.

Ivan hurried into the sickroom and knelt by his father, who was now moaning softly (Wanda decided she had officially hit her limit with all the reminders of her dead parents).

_That should be you,_ said Anton softly in Russian.

"That's debatable," said Fury impassively, but Tony was growling.

Ivan caressed Anton's face. _Don't listen to that crap_ , he said.

Anton coughed again. _I'm sorry,_ his voice was nearly a whisper. _All I have to give you is my knowledge._

"Knowledge was more than enough," said Natasha.

But after yet another cough, Anton's eyes closed and he went still.

Ivan's eyes filled with tears, and his hand went up to touch his father's face. The old man did not stir; he was dead.

"I'd feel bad about this except that it looks like his last days were pretty awful," said Jane.

"As far as we know, they were," said Maria dryly.

Ivan raised a bottle to his lips even as the tears poured down his face. Then his features twisted, and he gave a cry of grief and rage and bitterness.

Wanda shivered, and she thought she saw Steve blink.

The flash of blue that followed was a blueprint. Ivan was in his workshop. It was cramped and ill-lit and the walls were covered in old newspapers, but it was undoubtedly as much his workshop as the great ground-level garage in the Malibu mansion was Tony's.

"The craftsman is busy," said Thor. "What is he building?"

"An Arc Reactor," said Tony grimly.

On the corner of the blueprint was the name Stark Industries. Next to it was a label - Arc Reactor TFTR-1. And next to that were two names - Howard Stark and Anton Vanko.

"Then the Arc Reactor wasn't a 'publicity stunt' after all," said a surprised Thor. "Was it _that_ long in the making?"

"You better believe it," said Tony. "My old man - my _father_ \- worked on it with Vanko Senior, they had a falling out about what to do with it, Dad took all the credit for the design, and . . . yeah, let's just say it didn't end well."

"That's an understatement," said Pepper, whose mood in general was rather dark.

Ivan was wearing a pair of dark goggles, and cutting through something metal. Sparks flew as he worked, and Wanda caught a glimpse of a gold tooth in his slightly open mouth.

"So why is he only building his Arc Reactor now?" asked Helen Cho, once again startling the others because this was exactly the third time they'd heard her voice.

"He's going to use it for a power source for his -" Natasha hesitated. "I don't know that I'd call it a Suit exactly, but I'm sure it'll come up."

"How do _you_ know so much about it?" asked Jane curiously.

Natasha smirked. "I got briefed," was all she said.

Steve grinned at her. "That's a way of putting it, from all I've heard."

Onscreen, Ivan finished the cutting and removed his goggles; there was a brief shot of old magazines and newspaper clippings featuring Tony Stark; and then Ivan took a heated piece of iron to a table and began to hammer it. The hammering went on while the shot changed to one of the Arc Reactor blueprints.

"Wait," said Bruce suddenly. "So Vanko Junior figured out how to create a miniaturized Arc Reactor all on his own too?"

"Yup," said Tony.

Then Ivan was sitting with his back to the viewers, surrounded by half a dozen ancient computers all running line upon line of coding at once.

"Got quite a setup there," said Clint.

"Look, the bird!" said Steve as the creature walked past one of the computers and fluttered into Ivan's workspace.

"Seriously? We're watching an evil genius trying to mimic my greatness, and you're looking at the bird?" said Tony.

Ivan took a bite of something the viewers couldn't quite see and went on working while he looked at a magazine cover that featured a large photo of "Stark's Arc" and another one that featured "Iron Man."

"I see he's really keeping track of what Tony's up to," Bruce observed.

Ivan fed the little white bird from a cup.

"Squirrel!" said Sam before anyone else could comment.

Slowly it was taking shape, what was surely nothing other than a miniature Arc Reactor, while here and there came views of magazine covers and newspaper clippings - an "Iron Man" feature here, an article stating that Iron Man had stabilized East-West relations there. But the main thing was the Arc Reactor, which Ivan had been building piece by piece just as Tony had built his first miniature Arc Reactor in the cave in Afghanistan.

At last, Ivan flipped a switch, and all the lights in the room went out, startling the unfortunate little white bird ("Aw!" said Bruce). The Reactor lit up, and Ivan's smile of triumph gleamed in its light ("Success!" said Tony). He laughed in exultation as he lifted it before his eyes; the light engulfed the screen, and all else vanished.

Then the screen went black, and the words "Iron Man 2" appeared in gold lettering for a few seconds. Then the letters turned, and vanished.

"That was the intro, huh?" said Rhodey.

"Well, it's a nice setup for what happens," said Natasha.

While the screen was still dark, a voice had begun to speak (" _. . . two-seven-zero at thirty-nine, holding steady at fifteen thousand feet, you are cleared for ex-filtration over the drop zone . . ."_ ) while the words "6 months later" appeared on the screen.

"What's going on now?" asked Steve curiously.

Then they saw the inside of a hangar, and Iron Man in his suit standing in front of the ramp as it opened onto the night sky.

"Oh, the Expo!" said the real Tony significantly.

"Yes, the Stark Expo," said Pepper, rubbing her forehead. Tony glanced at her rather anxiously.

Onscreen Tony went down the ramp and jumped out of the plane. He dived through the air above the city of Malibu while AC/DC's _Shoot to Thrill_ screamed over the speakers.

" _All you women who want a man of the street,_

_don't know which way you wanna turn,_

_Just keep coming, and put your hand out to me,_

' _cause I'm the one who's gonna make you burn. . ."_

The real Tony's head swayed to the driving beat, and his lips followed the screeching voice that rather hurt Wanda's ears. She thought she heard Ian muttering something rather balefully, and Darcy's somewhat louder reply of "Hey, don't judge!"

"Who's judgin'?" asked Tony, breaking out of his groove (at least Wanda was fairly sure that was the expression). Nobody seemed to feel like answering.

Fireworks lit up the sky as Tony descended. And then, with an impact that rang throughout the Stark Expo (for that was where it was), he landed on one knee on a great stage backed by a flashing screen with an image of a billowing American flag. Behind Tony and in front of the screen were about sixteen women in _very_ scanty Iron Man inspired costumes (costumes that made the men, even the committed men, whistle). Down on the ground in front of the stage was a roaring crowd of some thousands of people.

Wanda blinked, and looked at Vision.

"Behold the Stark Expo," said Vision. "Or, as some have called it, 'Tony's ego going crazy.'"

"Apparently I don't time my visits to Midgard very well," said Thor. "I'd have liked to see this madness."

"Enough to go by yourself?" said Jane.

Onscreen Tony held up his arms as the audience cheered and the girls danced.

"Is it a safe bet that Stark designed those costumes?" asked Steve.

"Need you _ask_ , Cap?" asked Pepper while Tony grinned silently and gave him the thumbs up.

Briefly there was a shot of the event from far away, and the words "Stark Expo: Flushing, New York" appeared on the screen.

"Not New York City?" asked Bruce. " Although I guess there's no reason why it should be."

The circle on the stage where Tony was standing began to separate itself into sections and up came the big yellow arms of the familiar yellow robot to remove the Iron Man Suit piece by piece. And then there he was in a pristine business suit, smiling and waving down at the crowd.

"Ta-da!" said the real Tony. His onscreen self took a grand bow while the women danced behind him, and winked.

"Whatever you can say about Tony, he's always great TV," said Bruce.

"Thanks, big guy!" said Tony warmly.

"Except when he's, like, about to go put on the Suit and fly off to war," said Darcy, obviously thinking of the firefighters' benefit when Tony had discovered the beginnings Obadiah Stane's treachery.

As _Shoot To Thrill_ came to an end, the women all came forward and formed a half circle around Tony, each striking a pose.

" _Oh, it's good to be back!"_ said Tony cheerfully as the women made their way offstage. " _You missed me, I missed you._ ("Missed you, Tony!" said Rhodey.) _Can you blow something up?"_ He held up his finger. " _I already did that."_

"And stopped doing it, fortunately," said Vision.

" _I'm not saying,"_ Onscreen Tony went on. " _that the world is enjoying its longest period of uninterrupted peace in years because of me,"_ the audience cheered again, and the other Avengers rolled their eyes. " _I'm not saying that from the ashes of captivity! -"_ he held out his arms. " _Never has a greater phoenix metaphor been personified in human history."_

"You _are_ exceedingly arrogant," said Thor.

"Um, excuse you, the pot should not call the kettle black!" said Jane indignantly, and the others all laughed (Tony included) while Thor at once put on his best 'darling, how could you say such things about me?' look.

Onscreen Tony inclined his head to more cheers while the words _Stark Expo_ glowed above his head on the screen that had previously shown the American Flag. " _I'm not saying,"_ he went on. " _that Uncle Sam can kick back on a lawn chair, sipping on an iced tea, because I haven't come across anyone who's mad enough to go toe-to-toe with me on my best day!"_

"Obviously you hadn't met me!" said Steve rather smugly.

"Or me," said Thor, fingering Mjolnir.

"Or the Other Guy, I guess," said Bruce.

"Or me," said Rhodey, and the tone of his voice was such as to make Wanda almost wince.

Tony grimaced at him. "Forgot about _that_ ," he said.

" _Tony! Tony! Tony!"_ chanted the crowd, and a female voice from somewhere managed to make itself heard above the rest - " _I love you, Tony!"_

"Once again, Cap and any other various and sundry busybodies," said the real Tony ("I resent that!" protested Steve). "This is pre-Pepper, got it? And you resemble it too, Cap."

"Could you two please just kiss and make it up already?!" groaned Pepper. Steve and Tony looked at one another with such genuine horror that Clint and Rhodey both burst out laughing.

" _Please,"_ Onscreen Tony was saying magnanimously, holding up one hand. " _It's not about me._ ("Ha ha!" said Clint.) _It's not about you. It's not even about us - it's about legacy._ ("The Expo is about legacy?" muttered Pepper.) _It's about what we choose to leave behind for future generations. And that's why, for the next year, for the first time since 1974, the best and brightest women of nations and corporations the world over will pool their resources, share their collective vision, to leave behind a brighter future._ ("A whole year?" asked Wanda aloud in surprise) _It's not about us. Therefore what I am saying, if I'm saying anything, is - welcome back to the Stark Expo!"_ He paused and acknowledged the crowd again.

"Thank you!" said Natasha. "That was getting a little long."

" _And now,"_ continued Tony. " _Making a special guest appearance from the great beyond to tell you what it's all about, please welcome my father Howard."_ And he turned and walked offstage as the screen lit up behind him.

"Maybe he didn't like me, but he left me a lot," said the real Tony reflectively.

"He left you the Arc Reactor," said Bruce.

"More than that, actually," said Tony enigmatically.

The Stark Industries logo floated over a number of images, and then Howard Stark appeared in a business suit seated in what must be his study. " _Everything is achievable through technology,"_ he said. " _Better living. Robust health. And for the first time, the possibility of world peace."_ He had by this time risen to his feet and walked around to stand in front of some sort of diagram.

"That is the 1974 Stark Expo model," said Tony, pointing. "That's what he left me."

The Expo audience watched as Howard went on. " _So from all of us at Stark Industries, I'd like to personally introduce you to the city of the future."_ And the view shifted to a close-up of the Stark Expo model. " _Technology holds infinite possibilities . . ."_

Behind the stage, Tony held a small metal device with a button and a narrow strip of a screen. He stuck his thumb on a needle, and wiped the drop of blood from the prick. The words BLOOD TOXICITY: 19% blinked their way onto the screen.

"19%?" said Bruce blankly.

"Yes," said Pepper, her voice beginning to rise. "because apparently he was _dying_ because the palladium levels in his blood were rising to _toxic levels_ , and instead of _telling anyone or getting some help_ he just chose to fool around getting drunk and being stupid, leaving me and Rhodey to clean up all his messes, and -"

"Pepper," said the real Tony.

" - don't you 'Pepper' me," that lady shouted. "Sure I know _now_ you were dying, but _I didn't know then_ , and you picked a _very bad time_ to try to talk to me, and I don't know _what_ you thought you were trying to say -"

"Pepper," said Vision gently. Pepper seemed to be shaking, and Wanda quietly took a box of tissues from the coffee table and slid them into the older woman's lap.

While all this was going on, Howard's voice was coming from onstage. " _. . . soon technology will affect the way you live your life every day, no more tedious work. . ."_

Onscreen Tony raised his head, and looked around at the back of the big screen.

" _. . . . the Stark Expo,"_ said Howard Stark on the big screen with a smile. " _Welcome."_ Then the screen went mostly dark and the word EXPO appeared in large blue letters outlined with brightly colored squares. The audience applauded once again.

" _We are coming to you live from the kickoff of the Stark Expo,"_ an attractive reporter shouted above all the noise around her, smiling into a camera. " _where Tony Stark has just walked offstage, don't worry if you couldn't make it here tonight because this expo goes on all year long, and I'm going to be here checking out some of the attractions and the pavilions and some of the inventions from all around the world. . ."_

"Sounds like Stark-heaven," said Steve. "plenty of inventions and techno-garble."

"Well, thanks Cap!" said the real Tony merrily.

Onscreen Tony tossed his suit-jacket to Happy. Happy caught it. " _It's a zoo out there, watch out,"_ he said to Tony, and then to a tall gangly young attendant standing in front of the door out of the enclosure, " _Open up, let's go!"_

"Oh boy!" said Clint.

And Tony followed Happy outside into a waiting throng.

"I hate crowds," said Natasha.

"Now _that's_ a zoo!" said Rhodey at the same time.

" _Hey, I remember you,"_ came onscreen Tony's voice, and a pair of breasts barely covered in a black silk dress appeared right under Tony's eyes. Wanda sighed, for of course the memory was playing over in the real Tony's mind in very graphic detail.

"No, Viz, do _not_ tell us," said Sam.

"I didn't say a _word_ ," said Vision.

" _Tony, Tony!"_ Another woman ducked right under his arm and pressed a card into his hand. " _Call me,"_ she said in his ear just before Happy managed to shoo her away.

"They just _flock_ to him," said Bruce in amazement.

"Hey, you've got a sizable number of admirers too, you know," said Tony, and Bruce blushed.

Then onscreen Tony was bent down to take an Iron Man picture from a small girl to sign it, and patted the head of a slightly bigger boy wearing a toy Iron Man helmet.

" _This is Larry,"_ said Happy, and a man appeared in front of Tony and shook his hand. " _Hey, the Oracle of Otho,"_ he said.

" _Pleasure, nice to see ya!"_ said Tony.

" _Call me!"_ said Larry as Tony passed by him.

"And I thought I'd handled _crowds_ , till I joined the Avengers," said Steve.

" _Ah, yes, my people,"_ said Tony as he passed what seemed to be another gaggle of girls; then he clapped Happy's shoulders and passed through a set of doors into another building.

"Whew!" whistled Clint.

" _Wasn't so bad,"_ said Happy, who Wanda thought looked a bit stressed.

" _No, it was perfect,"_ said onscreen Tony.

"Hey, I like crowds," said the real Tony. "they give me energy."

Happy pointed ahead. " _Look what we got here, the new model,"_ he said, and there indeed stood both a sleek silver car and an attractive brunette in a purple blouse and a skirt that was actually down to her knees.

"She looks professional," said Natasha.

" _Hey, does she come with the car?"_ asked Tony with interest.

"Nope," said the real Tony.

" _I certainly hope so,"_ said Happy.

"Sorry," said the real Tony.

The woman stepped forward as Tony and Happy came up to the car.

" _Hi!"_ said Tony, reaching for her hand.

" _Hi,"_ said the woman, shaking his hand.

" _And you are?"_ asked Tony.

" _Marshal,"_ said the woman.

" _Irish,"_ sadi Tony. " _I like it."_

"Actually Irish, or did you just say that?" said Rhodey.

" _Pleased to meet you, Tony,"_ said the woman with a very pleasant smile as Tony went around the back of the car.

"Yes, actually Irish," said the real Tony to Rhodey. "Who else names a girl Marshal?"

" _I'm on the wheel,"_ said onscreen Tony to Happy. " _Do you mind?"_ And then, to Marshal, " _Where are you from?"_

" _Bedford,"_ said Marshal.

" _What are you doing here?"_ asked onscreen Tony as he got into the driver's seat.

" _Looking for you,"_ said Marshal.

"Why? She's obviously not there for _that_ ," said Steve.

" _Yeah? You found me,"_ said Tony. " _What are you up to later?'_

" _Servin' subpeonas,"_ said Marshal, holding out a folded document.

"I didn't think she came with the car," observed Natasha.

" _Yikes,"_ said Tony as he looked at the paper.

"Yep," said the real Tony. "That's a court order."

Happy took it from her. " _He doesn't like to be handed things,"_ he said.

"Why's that, by they way?" asked Jane.

" _Yeah, I have a peeve,"_ said onscreen Tony, making a face.

"It just is," said the real Tony. "Or are you talking about the court order?"

" _I got it,"_ Happy assured Marshal.

Marshal continued to smile pleasantly at the men. " _You are hereby ordered to appear before the Senate Armed Services Committee tomorrow morning at 9:00 AM,"_ she said.

"Bam," said Rhodey. "Hit 'em with it."

" _Can I see a badge?"_ asked Tony.

" _Oh, you want to see the badge?"_ said Marshal.

"He wants to see that badge," said Pepper, who had calmed down and was dignified as ever.

" _He likes the badge,"_ said Happy.

"Hey, I don't like court orders," said the real Tony.

Marshall held up the badge, still smiling. " _You still like it?"_

"Nope," said Rhodey.

" _Yep,"_ said onscreen Tony, and he started up the car. Marshall took a step back.

" _How far are we from D.C.?"_ asked Tony of Happy.

" _D.C.?"_ said Happy. " _Two hundred fifty miles."_

"Are you gonna make the drive right now?" asked Clint.

The tires screeched as Tony drove off.

"That'll be a yes," said Clint.


	2. The Hearing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers laugh their way through Tony's Senate hearing, and are disturbed by the progress of the Whiplash armor.

Then there came a shot of the US Capitol building, its dome rising proudly above the rest of the city with the words "Washington D.C." underneath it.

Someone rapped on a podium with a gavel. " _Mr. Stark,"_ said a rather aggravating, oiled sort of voice - the voice of a rich American who has probably never done a day's work in his life. " _Could we pick up now where we left off?"_

"Oh, ha-ha-ha!" the real Tony laughed and clapped his hands. Pepper sighed and shook her head, but her lips twitched.

"The hearing!" said Clint. "Now let's see what really happened."

But Wanda started slightly. _HYDRA?!_ she said to Vision. He nodded wryly.

Onscreen Tony was seated in a leather-backed chair in front of a long table. He was turned around in the chair communicating with Pepper, who was a few rows back in the audience behind the table looking distinctly unamused.

" _Mr. Stark, please,"_ said the oily voice.

"Ah, Senator Stern," said Tony in satisfaction.

"Nah, really?" Steve started laughing.

" _Yes, dear,"_ said onscreen Tony, turning to the microphone with a smirk that indicated he'd said it entirely on purpose. The audience (and the Avengers) tittered.

"Guys, he's HYDRA," said Natasha, giggling.

" _Could I have your attention?"_ asked the voice of the Senator, who had yet to appear.

"Is _everyone_ HYDRA?" asked Thor.

" _Absolutely,"_ said Tony, still smirking.

"Not," added the real Tony, still chuckling. "And Thor, in a word, yes."

" _Do you or do you not possess a specialized weapon?"_ asked Senator Stern, who looked every bit as indulged and oily as his voice sounded.

"Not everybody can make indulgence look as good as Stark can," said Bruce with a shrug.

" _I do not,"_ said onscreen Tony into the microphone.

"Thanks, Doc!" said the real Tony to Bruce.

" _You do not?"_ Stern pressed.

"Nope!" said the real Tony. "Not a weapon."

" _I do not,"_ repeated onscreen Tony. " _Well,"_ he amended. " _it depends on how you define the word 'weapon'."_

" _The Iron Man weapon,"_ said Stern. He was surrounded by the rest of the Committee, all in suits with either a blue or a red tie.

"Does he get it any faster if he calls it a weapon?" asked Thor.

" _My device does not fit that description,"_ said Tony.

"Mm, well, he has sort-of legal grounds for taking it if it's defined as a weapon," said Pepper.

"Didn't we have this talk with Stane yesterday?" asked Darcy at the same moment.

" _Oh, well, how would you describe the device?"_ asked Stern, leaning forward and raising his eyebrows.

" _I would describe it by defining it as what it is, Senator,"_ Tony's smirk had vanished entirely and his voice had hardened.

"Which is?" asked Bruce.

" _As?"_ prompted the Senator.

" _Ah, it's a, um, it's a high-tech prosthesis,"_ said Tony. " _That is - that's -"_ He paused as the audience laughed (except for Pepper).

Fury raised his eyebrow at Tony (though it might have been both).

"Yeah, sorry," said the real Tony not very repentantly.

" _That's actually the most apt description I could make of it,"_ said onscreen Tony.

" _It's a weapon,"_ said Stern. " _It's a weapon, Mr. Stark, I have to say it - it's a weapon."_

"I assume they know they can't sue him for it, 'cause he's got an army of lawyers," said Laura. "Is that why they're trying to pressure him with a hearing?"

" _Please,"_ said onscreen Tony scornfully. " _if your priority was actually the wellbeing of the American citizenry -"_

("Oh, that's a laugh!" said Natasha.)

"Gold star for Mama Hawk!" said the real Tony to Laura.

" _My priority,"_ said the Senator. " _is to get the Iron Man weapon turned over to the people of the United States of America."_

"Turned over to the _people_ ," scoffed Fury. "Yeah, sure."

" _Well, you can forget it,"_ said Tony as the cameras flashed in his face. " _I am Iron Man. The Suit and I are one. To turn over the Iron Man Suit would be to turn over myself, which is tantamount to indentured servitude or prostitution, depending on which state you're in."_ He didn't skip a beat when the others behind him (and around him in the lounge) chuckled. " _You can't have it."_

Senator Stern apparently had other ideas for this meeting. " _Look, I'm no, ah, expert -"_

" _In prostitution?"_ said Tony. " _Of course not, you're a senator! Come on!"_ He flung out his arm and raised two fingers to more laughter from the audience.

Sam cackled. "Don't be shocked," he said, and Wanda for a moment was sitting at an outside table under an umbrella wearing sunglasses, overhearing a conversation that threatened to bring her dinner back up.

"No, no, no, do _not_ tell us!" wailed Steve. "He's gotta be at least sixty-five! Don't make me hurl!"

But onscreen Tony had made eye contact with Pepper, who shook her head at him. He settled back down at once.

" _I'm no expert in weapons,"_ continued Stern as if nothing had happened. " _But we have somebody here who is an expert on weapons. I would now like to call Justin Hammer,_ (Rhodey, Natasha, and the real Pepper and Tony all burst out laughing again) _our primary weapons contractor -"_

Tony looked up and around. The businessman that Wanda had glimpsed in Tony's earlier memory, the one who spoke with a whine, was now stepping behind the table to sit down.

"What're you guys laughin' at?" asked Clint.

"He said _expert_ and called in _Justin Hammer_ ," said Rhodey. "That's the biggest joke -"

" _Let the record reflect that I observe Mr. Hammer entering the chamber,"_ said onscreen Tony. " _And I am wondering if and when any actual expert will also be in attendance."_

"Hey, Stark Industries isn't supplying the US military anymore, they had to get _somebody_ ," said Natasha, rolling her eyes.

Senator Stern rapped with the gavel again, and Justin Hammer laughed. He had a rather slouching, careless manner that attempted to exude Competence and Confidence but in reality did neither. " _Absolutely,"_ he said. " _I'm no expert. I defer to you, Anthony."_ He smirked at the man in question. " _You're the Wonderboy."_

"Anthony? Nobody calls you that," said Steve, raising his eyebrows. Every Avenger had learned _that_ lesson at some point.

The Tony on the couch grunted in annoyance, and his onscreen self rolled his eyes and turned away from the man.

" _Senator, if I may,"_ continued Justin Hammer, rising to his feet and taking the microphone with him. " _I may well not be an expert, but you know who was the expert - your dad!"_ He pointed at Tony. " _Howard Stark._ ("Fair point," said Fury) _Really a father to us all, and to the military industrial age."_

"Father to _us all_ ," said the real Tony, waggling his eyebrows, and everybody else groaned.

" _Let's just be clear, he was no flower child,"_ Hammer went on, leaning against something which was sitting on the table and looking the opposite of professional. " _He was a lion."_

"You want a lion, _there's_ a lion!" said Clint, pointing at Thor.

"Why, thank you kindly!" said Thor.

Onscreen, the Senator and Tony made brief eye contact before Tony looked back at Hammer.

" _We all know why we're here,"_ continued Hammer. " _In the last six months, Anthony Stark has created a sword with untold possibilities._ ("Which sword is that again?" asked Tony, and Wanda nearly smacked him.) _And yet he insists it's a shield._ ("Oh, that sword!") _He asks us to trust him -"_ he gave a deprecating shake of his head. " _\- as we cower behind it._ ("Hey, you wanna meet _my_ shield?" asked Steve) _I wish I were comforted, Anthony, I really do. I'd love to leave my door unlocked when I leave the house. But this ain't Canada. You know, we live in a world of grave threats - threats that Mr. Stark will not always be able to foresee."_

"Or that he makes," said Tony darkly. Onscreen Tony did not speak.

" _Thank you,"_ said Hammer as he went back to his chair. " _God bless Iron Man, and God bless America."_

"Translation: beat that, Wonderboy!" said the real Tony.

This time only the Committee applauded; nobody in the audience seemed inclined to.

" _That is well said, Mr. Hammer,"_ said Stern. " _The Committee would now like to invite Lieutenant-Colonel James Rhodes to the Chamber -"_

" _Rhodey? What?"_ asked Tony, obviously blindsided. He looked back, as did everybody else, to the Chamber entrance.

"Hi, Rhodey!" said Sam.

"What'd they want _you_ for?" asked Steve.

"Wait and see," said the real Rhodey, smirking.

Onscreen, Lieutenant-Colonel James Rhodes came into the room and approached the table, his uniform pristine. Tony got up and walked back toward him. " _Hey, buddy,"_ he said as he grasped his old friend's hand. " _Didn't expect to see you here."_

" _Look,"_ said Rhodey, pausing briefly to look at Tony. " _It's me, I'm here, deal with it, let's move on."_

" _I just -"_ began Tony.

" _Drop it,"_ said Rhodey in a tone that brooked no argument.

" _All right,"_ said Tony as they moved toward their seats behind the table. " _I'll drop it."_

" _I have before me a complete report on the Iron Man weapon_ ("Back to that, I see?" muttered Thor, but of course most everyone heard him) _compiled by Colonel Rhodes,"_ said Senator Stern. " _and, Colonel, for the record, can you please read page fifty-seven, paragraph four?"_

"How many pages - no, never mind," said Steve.

" _You're requesting that I read specific selections from my report, Senator?"_ asked Rhodes.

"A lot," said the real Rhodey to Steve.

" _Yes, sir,"_ said the Senator.

" _It was my understanding,"_ said Rhodey. " _that I was going to be testifying in a much more comprehensive and detailed manner -"_

("And you believed 'em!" said the real Tony.)

" _I understand,"_ said Stern. " _A lot of things have changed today,_ ("Reasons, plus we're the government," said Clint) _so would you just read -"_

" _You understand that reading a single paragraph out of context does not reflect the summary of my findings -"_

" _Just read it, Colonel, I do,"_ said Stern.

"It was my understanding that taking statements out of context to convey a different message is practically par for the course in such public matters," said the Vision.

"Yes; what else is new?" asked Pepper.

Rhodey gave the Senator a measured look. Then his eyes dropped to his report. " _Very well,"_ he said, and turned to the requested page. " _As he does not operate within any definable branch of government,"_ he read aloud, pausing and seeming to fume for a moment while his real-time counterpart snorted and muttered "Those were the days." " _Iron Man presents a potential threat to both the security of the nation and to her interests."_

"But especially her interests!" said Steve.

Rhodey looked back up, clearly unhappy. " _I did, however, go on to summarize that the benefits if Iron Man far outweigh the liabilities,_ ("Oh, who cares about context?" said Betty, flapping her hand dismissively) _and that it would be in our interests -"_

" _Ah, ah, ah,"_ said Stern hastily. " _That's enough - that's enough, Colonel! That's enough!"_

Thor began to chuckle.

Rhodes was still speaking. " _\- to fold Mr. Stark into the existing chain of command, Senator."_

"Yep, definitely before the Avengers," said Pepper.

"Before Ultron, actually," said Bruce.

Onscreen Tony leaned forward to speak into his own microphone. " _I'm not a joiner, but I'll consider Secretary of Defense if you ask nice,"_ he said, and the audience chuckled again. " _We can amend the hours a little bit."_

"Or just hand that off to Pepper too," said Rhodey. His onscreen counterpart took a sip from a glass of water.

"I hand off as much as I can to Pepper," said the real Tony unapologetically.

Sam looked between the two and shook his head. "No shame," he was muttering. "None."

Stern cleared his throat. " _I'd like to go on,"_ he said. " _and show, if I may, the imagery that's connected to your report."_

" _I believe it is somewhat premature to reveal these images to the general public,"_ said Rhodey with a smile that did not touch his eyes.

"Well, they were definitely premature," said the real Rhodey, beginning to laugh.

" _With all due respect, Colonel, I understand,"_ said Stern. " _and if you could just narrate those for us, we'd be very grateful."_

"What is it this time?" asked Steve. "God, hearings give me a headache."

Onscreen Rhodey gestured, and off to the side someone turned on a large flatscreen television, which began to show pictures of different landscapes with close-up aerial shots of blurry buildings.

" _Intelligence suggests,"_ said Rhodey. " _that the devices seen in these photos are in fact attempts at making manned copies of Mr. Stark's Suit."_

"Ah?" said Thor questioningly.

"'Attempts' being the operative word here," said Pepper.

Onscreen Tony frowned at this, and he pulled a small device out of his pocket and turned it on. His thumbs flew over the icons.

"What's that?" asked Betty curiously.

Tony flashed her a brilliant grin. "Observe and discover."

" _This has been corroborated,"_ Rhodes went on. " _by our allies and local intelligence on the ground indicating that these Suits are quite possibly at this moment, ah, operational."_

"That was _my_ limited understanding," said the real Rhodey, rolling his eyes. "I'm sure Tony had JARVIS all over it."

"He did indeed," said the Vision.

" _Hold on one second, buddy,"_ said Tony, leaning forward with the small device in hand. " _Let me see. . ."_ He held up the little device up in front of the flatscreen and pushed an icon on the device. " _Boy, I'm good,"_ he congratulated himself as a black box with lines of code and the words WELCOME, MR. STARK appeared over the pictures that had been shown earlier.

"Whoa! What did you do?!" cried Jane.

"Now Tony," drawled Steve. "Are you being a bad boy and hacking the US government?"

"Sorry, Daddy," said Tony.

" _I commandeered your screens,"_ said onscreen Tony. " _I need 'em."_ And he pressed another icon on the device. " _Time for a little transparency. Now let's see what's really going on."_

Stern seemed uneasy. " _What is he doing?"_ he asked.

"Showing you and your committee up for big, big liars," said Natasha.

"Damn, I wish," said the real Tony.

" _If you'll direct your attention to said screens,"_ said onscreen Tony, putting the device back down on the table and moving his fingertips across it. " _I believe that's North Korea."_ He punched an icon.

"North Korea, what a surprise," said Helen dryly. The real Tony spread his hands as if to say "well, who am I to argue?"

The flatscreen now showed an image of something that looked more like a top-heavy giant beetle than a Suit. There were Korean subtitles all over the picture, but everyone could clearly see the thing stagger forward a couple of steps and then tumble to the ground, where it lay kicking its 'legs' feebly before something exploded and the camera lost focus.

Thor guffawed, so loudly and infectiously that it made Wanda giggle almost against her will. She must have unconsciously projected, because chuckles began weaving throughout the lounge.

Two of the media reporters in the audience sprang to their feet, and the Congress people groaned and looked awkward.

" _Can you -"_ Senator Stern was leaning forward and pointing. " _Can you turn that off - take it off?"_

Wanda's giggles turned into laughter. Fury slapped his knee, and Thor clapped his hands.

"Told you the images were premature!" said the real Rhodey merrily.

"Not a good listener," chuckled Pepper.

Justin Hammer sprang to his feet and scrambled in the direction of the television.

" _Iran,"_ said onscreen Tony, punching the screen of his little device again. Hammer was in front of the television by this time, fumbling with it, but it was plain to see that in Iran there was little besides explosions, shouting, and a lot of smoke.

"Yeah, looks pretty damn functional to me!" said Clint.

" _No grave immediate threat here,"_ said Tony, and then he perked up in sudden interest and added, " _Is that Justin Hammer? How did Hammer get in the game?"_

"Oh-ho, it's like _that_ , is it?" cried Thor, delighted.

"It is like that, my friend," grinned Rhodey.

For the next image that appeared did indeed display the Hammer logo in the bottom left corner. The man himself was standing cautiously next to another attempt at the Suit, which was obviously being tested.

"C'mon, Hammer, make this good!" said Natasha, leaning forward.

" _Justin, you're on TV,"_ snarked Tony. " _Focus up."_ He shared a look with a smirking Rhodey.

"He's all shy, he doesn't wanna be on TV!" mocked Steve.

" _Okay, give me a left twist,"_ said the Justin on the screen. The Suit's upper half twisted jerkily.

"Whoa, doesn't look so good!" said Bruce.

" _Left's good,"_ said Justin. " _Turn to the right."_ The Suit twisted again, and its knees wobbled.

"That's 'cause it's not good!" said the real Tony. "Thing's a walking death trap."

" _Oh, shit - oh, shit!"_ cried the Justin on the screen, skipping backward as the Suit began to collapse.

"Language, for the love of the Captain!" cried the Vision, making Steve's jaw drop and the others laugh harder.

"That's my boy!" Tony thumped Vision's shoulder.

At that moment Justin managed to unplug the television, after which he turned at once and began scrambling back to his seat. The room was rustling with whispers and some laughter, and everyone was pointing. Senator Stern rubbed the bridge of his nose in consternation.

"Well, that was enlightening!" said Natasha with a grin.

" _Yeah, I'd say, uh, most countries, five to ten years away,"_ said onscreen Tony, and he gestured toward Justin who was just getting back into his chair. " _Hammer Industries, at least twenty."_

"You don't say!" said Rhodey, still chuckling.

" _I'd like to point out that that test pilot survived,"_ said Justin, obviously humiliated.

"Oh, well, that's good!" said Maria. "How many limbs did he lose?"

Senator Stern stood up. " _I think we're done, is the point that he's making,"_ he said hurriedly ("What, no more incriminating evidence?" asked Erik). " _I don't think there's any reason -"_

" _The point is,"_ said Tony. " _You're welcome, I guess."_

" _For what?"_ asked the Senator.

"For my existence!" said the real Tony as if it were obvious.

" _Because I'm your nuclear deterrent,"_ Onscreen Tony spread his hands. " _It's working. We're safe. America is secure."_

"She is, you're not," said Natasha in her succinct manner. The real Tony made a face.

Onscreen Tony's voice was rising. " _You want my property. You can't have it!"_ He brought his hands down on the table with a thud. ("Attaboy!" said Clint) " _But I did you a big favor!"_ He rose to his feet and turned to look around. " _I have successfully privatized world peace."_

"Well, I thought so, anyway," said the real Tony placidly. His onscreen self held up his hands and the audience applauded, and even rose to their feet.

" _What more do you want?"_ cried Tony above the applause. " _For now! I tried to play ball with these ass-clowns!"_ He pointed back to the Congress table.

"Still tryin'," sighed the real Tony.

And Senator Stern smiled at Tony and said, " _Fuck you, Mr. Stark._ _Fuck you, buddy."_

"Did he seriously just drop the F-bomb _on national TV?!_ " Steve burst into laughter yet again.

" _We're adjourned - we're adjourned for today,"_ said Stern.

"Hope they had a seven-second delay for that one!" said Bruce.

" _Okay!"_ said onscreen Tony with a smirk. He bent down to the table where he'd been sitting, picked up his sunglasses, and put them on.

" _You've been a delight,"_ said the Senator in a voice that indicated that Tony had been just the opposite. The viewers were still in various stages of laughter, but Fury said "Sure, a bundle o' joy" through his chuckles.

Tony gave him a thumbs-up, and blew him kisses.

"Bye-bye, dear!" said Natasha. Wanda was clutching her side by this time.

Onscreen, Rhodey shook his head, chuckling, and Justin gazed up at Tony with obvious dislike.

Then the image became slightly grainy and off-color as the Vanko television played the broadcast with Russian subtitles. Tony was now walking down the center aisle toward the camera. " _Cause my bond is with the people,"_ he was saying. " _And I will serve this great country at the pleasure of - myself!"_

"Cause how else would you do it?" said Steve shaking his head.

"Why's Ivan Vanko watching that? It's not like he's some kind of fan," said Clint.

Ivan was indeed watching from what seemed to be his work station.

" _If there's one thing I've proven,"_ said Tony. " _it's that you can count on me -"_ He took off his sunglasses to look straight into the camera. " _\- to pleasure myself!"_

Wanda blinked and glanced at Pepper, who raised her eyebrows significantly and let all manner of _videos_ and _pictures_ leaked onto the Internet slide through her mind. Wanda cringed.

"Need I ask?" said Thor.

"Nope," said Tony.

"Very well; what's he building?" asked Thor, pointing back at the screen.

For Ivan Vanko was at work once again, this time obviously constructing some part of the Suit that had nothing to do with the Arc Reactor.

"He's building his 'Suit,'" Tony made quote marks in the air with his fingers. "But it's not really a suit of armor like mine; this one's definitely meant to be a weapon. I think SHIELD called it, uh -"

"We called him the Whiplash," said Maria.

"Why the Whiplash?" asked Thor curiously.

Maria gestured. "Observe."

Ivan turned a switch, and thick white streams of pure electricity began to flash. Then he picked up the whole contraption and fitted it over his arms. Wanda finally recognized part of the odd half-Suit from Tony's memory.

The dangling "streams" came to life with a whine, and Ivan raised both his arms. Then, with a twirl of one arm, he brought one of the flashing whips down on the little ancient television and sliced it right in half.

"Ah." Thor nodded.

"Yep," said the real Tony.


	3. The New CEO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stark Industries gets new CEO (but only officially, because she was already doing everything anyway).

There was a momentary a view of Tony's magnificent Malibu mansion by the sea, and the words "Malibu, California" appeared on the screen once more.

And then, inside his workshop, Tony stood at his desk and clapped his hands. The Clash's _Should I Stay or Should I Go_ began to play, and blue holograms lit up the air over the desk. " _Wake up, Daddy's home,"_ said Tony, snapping his fingers in front of what turned out to be about four holographic "desktops." Wanda watched in fascination as the images lit up the room far above the desk - some of them seemed to hover above the desk.

"Whoa!" said Steve, for he had never actually seen Tony's ridiculously advanced holograms before now.

"Get a load of that!" said Laura.

"Nice, right?" grinned the real Tony.

" _Welcome home, sir,"_ said the voice of JARVIS ("GOOD MORNING, JARVIS!" shouted nearly all the Avengers). " _Congratulations on the opening ceremonies. They were such a success, as was your Senate hearing._ ("That hearing though!" said Jane with a giggle.) _And may I say,"_ he added as Tony's screens woke up and a YouTube video of the hearing came up on one of them at once. " _how refreshing it is to finally see you in a video with your clothing on, sir."_

Scattered groans and winces showed that these previous videos of Tony's had been rather widely circulated. Wanda became officially disillusioned with telepathy as Vision's perfect recall brought up the _entire file_ of clips that JARVIS had labeled 'inappropriate.'

Bruce muttered something under his breath that sounded like "Yeah, sounds about right."

Onscreen Tony chuckled as his fingers flew over the surface of his desk.

Over at the counter, there was a splash as one of Tony's bots (Wanda couldn't yet tell U from Dum-E by sight) seemed attempt to mix something in a blender.

" _U?"_ called onscreen Tony, and the bot turned its claw hastily in Tony's direction.

"So that's U," said Natasha.

"Yep," said the real Tony.

In turning around, U had knocked the blender over, and the green drink inside it spilled all over the counter and the floor.

" _I swear to God I'll dismantle you,"_ grumbled Tony. ' _I'll soak your motherboard, I'll turn you into a wine rack."_

"Hey! Easy!" said Sam.

U lowered its claw with a mournful little squeak.

"Oh, poor U," said the Vision rather sadly, and the real Tony sighed, causing the others to look askance at them.

" _How many ounces a day of this gobbledegook am I supposed to drink?"_ asked onscreen Tony as he went to work at one of his screens.

"What's in it?" asked Bruce.

"Liquid chlorophyll," said the Vision.

" _We are up to eighty ounces a day to counteract the symptoms, sir,"_ said JARVIS as Tony picked up a glass of some green drink and drained it.

Pepper's jaw tightened (and well it might, if what Wanda was picking up from her was any indication of what was to come). The real Tony watched her warily.

" _Check palladium levels,"_ said onscreen Tony, picking up the little device he'd used earlier at the Stark Expo while his father had talked of technology enabling robust health. He stuck his thumb on the needle again, and this time the words BLOOD TOXICITY: 24% appeared on the screen of the device.

"Palladium . . ." Steve appeared to be putting the pieces together. "The Arc Reactor was poisoning you?"

The real Tony blinked at him. "Thought you said you'd read the reports."

" _Blood toxicity, twenty-four percent,"_ said JARVIS. " _It appears that the continued use of the Iron Man Suit is accelerating your condition."_ As the AI spoke, the desktop on the far right of Tony's desk displayed a diagram of the Arc Reactor sitting between his lungs, surrounded on all sides by an inch of rather ominous-looking red.

It was not only the medical people in the room who winced at the sight. "Makes sense - all that extra metal," muttered Clint.

" _Another core has been depleted,"_ said JARVIS, and Tony pulled up his shirt and unscrewed the Arc Reactor. He turned it over in his hand and pulled a large chip out of the back.

"That thing is _smoking!_ " said Sam in dismay, and Wanda's stomach gave a nasty little flip at the sight of the thing that looked half charred and half melted.

"It looks like a corroded battery," said Betty. "And you had it _inside_ you."

" _God, they're running out quick,"_ said onscreen Tony, throwing away the depleted core and reaching into a smallish wooden case for a fresh one.

" _I have run simulations on every known element,"_ said JARVIS. " _and none can serve as a viable replacement for the palladium core."_

And the real Tony, inexplicably, _smiled_.

Onscreen Tony slid the new core into the Arc Reactor and clicked it back into its socket.

" _You are running out of both time and options,"_ said JARVIS. " _Unfortunately, the device that is keeping you alive is also killing you."_

"Then how did you live to the Battle of New York?" asked Thor in amazement.

"Hang tight, Point Break," said the real Tony.

Onscreen Tony examined the skin around the Arc Reactor's socket in the screen of another of his desktops. The veins stood out almost black against the pale, almost translucent flesh.

"Ugh," said Jane. "that looks frightful."

" _Miss Potts is approaching,"_ said JARVIS, and Tony hastily lowered his shirt. " _I suggest that you inform her -"_

" _Mute,"_ said Tony as Pepper keyed herself into the workshop.

"And so you see that he tried, Pepper," said the Vision.

"Yes, and thanks for trying," said the real Pepper glumly.

"Why on earth wouldn't you tell her?!" cried Thor almost angrily.

"Yeah, okay, for the record, this is not exactly one of my finest moments," said the real Tony.

Tony put all his desktops on the screensaver that they'd seen on his office computer the night before, when Obadiah Stane had nearly caught Pepper in the act.

" _Uh-uh!"_ protested onscreen Tony, gulping another glass of chlorophyll.

" _Is this a joke?"_ demanded Pepper, marching straight up to him and obviously furious. " _What are you thinking? What are you_ thinking _?!"_

"Somebody's in big trouble," said Steve.

"Oh my God, the art collection," groaned the real Pepper, rubbing her forehead.

" _Hey!"_ said onscreen Tony, holding up his hands. " _I'm thinking I'm busy, and you're angry. About something."_ He got up and began walking around his desk to join Pepper. " _Do you have the sniffles? I don't want to get sick."_

"Which is totally understandable, your immune system was failing because you were _dying,_ only I didn't _know_ -" the real Pepper's voice was rising.

"Pepper - Pepper," said Vision gently, and the woman gave a huff and was quiet.

" _Did you just -"_ began onscreen Pepper as Tony weaved his way through a maze of glowing holograms that made Wanda blink - there seemed to be _no_ screens to project them anywhere nearby.

"Damn!" said Steve under his breath so Tony wouldn't hear him.

"That's some real tech you got there," said Clint.

" _Keep your business,"_ said onscreen Tony.

" _\- donate our entire modern art collection,"_ Pepper went on. " _to the -"_

" _Boy Scouts of America,"_ said Tony, shrinking a large expanded hologram of a human heart into a ball that fit neatly into one hand ("You can do that with a hologram?!" said Rhodey).

"Well, I guess that's . . . generous," said Natasha, quirking an eyebrow.

" _Boy Scouts of America?"_ Pepper was nearly shouting.

"But it's such a Stark thing to do," said Maria rolling her eyes.

" _This is a worthwhile organization,"_ said onscreen Tony ("I still contend that it is," said the real Tony causing Pepper to sigh), throwing the hologram he'd just shrunk toward the back of the room where it sailed straight into what seemed to be the digital "goal post" which gave a cheerful "ding!" and flashed the word "SCORE" in bright green letters. ("Wow!" said Jane) " _I didn't physically check the crates, but basically, yes."_ He swiped images out of his way as he walked through his workshop, Pepper stalking after him. ("Sorry, Pepper, we're kinda distracted by all the, you know, futuristic tech here," said Rhodey, truthfully enough) " _And it's not technically our collection, it's my collection - no offense,"_ he added, turning briefly to her before going back to moving the holograms

"You had the _nerve_ ," muttered the real Pepper.

"Hey, who bought it?" said the real Tony, and the look Pepper turned on him was one that would have blistered concrete.

" _No - you know what -"_ It was becoming obvious that onscreen Pepper _was_ rather congested. " _\- I think I'm entitled to say_ our _collection,_ ("ding!" said the scorekeeper again) _considering the time that I put in over ten years curating that -"_

("I suppose the Jackson Pollock was included in that?" asked Thor casually. "You remember that?!" cried the real Pepper in amazement.)

" _It's a tax write-off,"_ said onscreen Tony, actually coming to a standstill for a few moments to look at Pepper. " _I needed that."_

"You need a tax write-off?" said Clint skeptically.

"Trust me, you have no _idea_ ," said the real Pepper before Tony could speak.

" _You know,"_ Onscreen Pepper went on, following Tony as he started off again. " _there's only about eight thousand and eleven things that I really need to talk to you about -"_

" _Dum-E!"_ said Tony sharply, snapping his fingers at aforementioned bot, which appeared to be working at some part of one of the machines. " _Stop spacing out, the bridgeport's already machining that part."_

"I needed his help elsewhere," said the real Tony. Wanda was glad that neither Dum-E nor U was present at the moment, for she was already resisting the urge to pet them (and who pets a _robot?_ )

" _The Expo is a gigantic waste of time,"_ Pepper had once more caught up to him.

"Remind me again what the point was of that?" said the real Pepper.

"Oh, we're gonna talk about this again?" said Tony.

"Please not now, if you two don't mind," said Rhodey. The pair settled into rather sullen silence.

Onscreen Tony briefly put his hands on Pepper's shoulders as he passed her by. " _I need you to wear a surgical mask until you're feeling better,"_ he said just as she let out a slight cough. " _Is that okay?"_

" _That's rude,"_ snapped Pepper.

"Certainly, if you weren't going to tell her what was up," said Steve.

Unexpectedly, Tony leaned forward, grabbed up the remote, and paused the movie. "Okay, Cap," he snapped. "If it was 1942, the serum was failing, and you had weeks to live, would you have told Carter? Would you?"

Steve looked away. "Peggy's _different_ -"

Pepper made a small noise of protest.

"Of course Peggy's _different_ , 'cause it's you," said Tony irritably.

"And regardless, she'd still _deserve to know_ ," said Jane sharply. "Just like Pepper _deserved to know_." Her eyes tracked sideways to the God of Thunder, who shifted uneasily.

Wanda cleared her throat, sensing far too many potential quarrels already in the making. "Pardon me," she said. "May we perhaps wait to talk about this?"

There was a tense moment where Tony looked sideways at Wanda, Pepper's right eye twitched, Steve huffed, and Thor breathed a quiet sigh or relief. Then Vision took the remote and pressed the play button.

" _There's nothing more important to me than the Expo,"_ onscreen Tony was saying, gesticulating as he went. " _It's my primary point of concern, I don't know why you're -"_

" _The Expo is your ego going crazy!"_ fumed Pepper.

Both Pepper and Tony's heads were bursting with all the things they wanted to say, but they kept their lips sealed.

" _Wow, look at that!"_ said onscreen Tony, pausing to pick up a framed picture of the helmet and shoulders of the Iron Man Suit in simple red and blue lineart with the words IRON MAN painted on a black strip across the bottom. " _That's modern art,"_ he said to Pepper. " _That's going up."_

"Seriously?" said Clint. "Ah, why'm I even asking?"

" _Oh, you've got to be kidding,"_ groaned onscreen Pepper as Tony strode past her with the thing.

" _I'm going to put this up right now,"_ said Tony. " _This is vital."_

Betty began quietly singing, "You're so vain, I bet you think this song is about you . . ."

The real Tony actually laughed, which helped relieve some of the tension in the room

Onscreen Pepper had apparently decided to leave the art question alone. " _Stark is in complete disarray,"_ she said. " _Can you understand that?"_

Tony made a face. " _Why's it so - no, our stocks have never been higher, you are -"_

" _Yes, from a managerial standpoint, but -"_

" _\- well, if it's messy, then let's double back -"_

" _Let me give you an example -"_

" _Let's move on to another subject -"_

"Damn, you two talk fast," muttered Steve.

Tony had taken the Iron Man picture over to the general area where U had made a mess of the life-sustaining drink earlier. It happened that there was a framed painting of some sort (Wanda couldn't see it very well) hanging on the wall above the counter, and Tony eyed it for a moment before raising the picture he was carrying.

" _Oh, no, no, no, no!"_ shouted Pepper, almost running after him (and by this time decidedly hoarse). " _You are_ not _taking down the Barnett Newman and hanging that up -"_

"But of course!" Bruce shook his head.

It was too late. Tony had climbed up onto the counter as if he were no older than twelve, carrying the Iron Man picture with him. " _I'm not taking it down,"_ he said to Pepper. " _I'm replacing it with this."_ He took the painting that must have been the Barnett Newman off its hooks and put it down next to him. " _Let's see what I can get going here!"_ he added cheerfully as he began hanging up the Iron Man picture.

" _Okay, fine,"_ huffed Pepper. " _My point is, we have already awarded contracts to the wind farm people -"_

_The who?_ thought Wanda, but she had no time to ask.

" _Don't say wind farm, I'm already feeling gassy,"_ said Tony.

" _\- and to the plastic plantation tree, which was your idea, by the way -"_

"Are you going green already?" asked Clint.

" _\- everything was my idea -"_

" _\- and you won't make a decision!"_

" _I don't care about the liberal agenda anymore!"_ Tony turned and spread his hands.

"Oh, you're a terrible citizen!" said Natasha cheerfully.

" _I can't -"_ began Pepper.

" _It's boring -"_ Tony hopped down off the counter. " _boring, I'm giving you a boring alert, you do it."_

"Cause of course if it's boring - wait, what?" Bruce's head went up.

" _I do what?!"_ cried Pepper.

"Everything," muttered the real Pepper.

" _Excellent idea,"_ onscreen Tony's face had cleared in an instant. " _I just figured this out - you run the company."_ He pointed at Pepper.

"Oh, this is how you got to be CEO!" said Steve to the real Pepper

" _Yeah, I'm_ trying _to run the company -"_ onscreen Pepper was fuming.

" _Pepper, I need you to run the company,"_ Tony was adamant. " _\- well, stop trying to do it and do it -"_

" _You won't give me the information I need -"_

" _I'm not asking you to try to do it -"_

" _\- in order to -"_

" _\- I'm asking you to physically do it. I need you to do it."_

Pepper's shoulders went up. " _I am trying to do it -"_

" _Pepper, you're not listening to me!"_ shouted Tony.

" _No, you're not listening to me -"_

" _I'm trying to make you CEO! Why won't you let me?"_

"Ta-da!" sang Natasha.

"Congrats, Pepper!" Rhodey started clapping, and the others quickly joined in. The real Pepper blushed.

Onscreen Pepper had pulled up short. She looked at Tony as if he'd grown a second head. She leaned in slightly, trying to smell his breath. " _Have you been drinking?"_ she asked.

"Not really," said the real Tony with a shrug.

" _Ah, chlorophyll,"_ said onscreen Tony, obviously relieved at having gotten her attention.

Pepper continued to stare at him as if not fully trusting her ears - or his words, more likely.

But Tony was obviously quite serious. He put his hands on Pepper's shoulders. " _I hereby, irrevocably, appoint you chairman and CEO of Stark Industries, effective immediately,"_ he said.

"Woot!" cheered Betty quietly.

There was a short pause, as Pepper was obviously still in disbelief.

"Um?" Sam tilted his head.

"Why did it take you two so long to figure it out?" muttered Rhodey.

" _Yeah, done deal, okay?"_ said Tony, turning and walking off toward U. " _I've actually given this a fair amount of thought - doing a bit of headhunting, so to speak, trying to figure out who a worthy successor would be."_

The real Pepper sighed quietly. She was still in knots about the whole affair, and reliving moments like these was not helping. The real Tony was actually feeling rather guilty.

His onscreen counterpart was now pouring two glasses of what was probably vodka. " _And then I realized - it's you. It's always been you."_

"Aww!" said Clint.

"Barton," said the real Tony threateningly.

Onscreen, Pepper took a few steps forward and sank into a chair.

" _I thought there'd be a legal issue,"_ Tony went on. " _but actually I'm capable of appointing my successor. My successor being you."_ He walked up to her and held out one of the glasses.

Jane lifted her hands and formed a heart, making Wanda giggle.

Bruce muttered ominous things about alcohol and chlorophyll and poisoning, but Tony ignored him.

Pepper was shaking her head, and seemed to be in tears, but she was smiling for the first time since they'd seen her.

" _Congratulations?"_ Tony pressed the glass into her limp hand.

" _I -"_ Pepper squeaked. " _I don't know what -"_

" _Take it,"_ said Tony. " _Just take it."_

" _\- what to think -"_

" _Don't think,"_ said Tony, sitting down next to her. " _Just drink."_

"Tony's motto in so many words," said Rhodey. "Don't think, just drink."

They toasted each other and drank, and Pepper's smile was brighter than the crystal wineglass she was holding.

"Well, that was nice - oh, wait," said Steve.

In the snowy dark alley in Moscow, Ivan Vanko stood in the shadows of the apartment building where he lived. A man in a black coat approached him, spoke to him in Russian, and handed him a packet. Ivan took the packet and stuffed it inside his own coat. Then he smiled, and thanked the man (the tone of his voice seemed to suggest that he had said "thank you"), who turned and walked away.

"Who was that?" asked Bruce.

"Ten Rings guy, we think," said Maria.

"Them!" huffed Pepper. "They're always popping up."

Then, after a moment's staring after the other man, Ivan slipped deeper into the shadows and opened the packet to look inside it. There was a passport, with his picture, and a pass to the Grand Prix de Monaco Historique.

"Nice to know it wasn't actually my fault," muttered Pepper.

Tony looked aghast. "Oh, come on, Pep, don't tell me you actually thought -"

And then The Clash's _The Magnificent Seven_ began to play as Pepper walked into an indulgent fitness room complete with a boxing ring. " _The notary's here!"_ she called. " _Can you please come sign the transfer paperwork?"_

"Oh, the notary is _here_!" chuckled the real Pepper, and Tony cheered considerably.

" _I'm on Happy time,"_ called onscreen Tony from the boxing ring. He was sparring with Happy, who was all got up in protective gear and seemed to be coaching him.

"Happy time, really?" Steve's eyebrows arched. "That's the best you can do?"

"Yeah, well, even I can't be on top of my game all the time," shrugged the real Tony carelessly.

Onscreen Tony delivered a strike that made Happy's head fly backward with a grunt. " _Sorry,"_ he said hastily.

"What the hell?" Clint rolled his eyes over at Tony.

" _What the hell was that?!"_ demanded Happy angrily.

"Yeah, what was that?" asked Rhodey.

" _It's called mixed martial arts,"_ said onscreen Tony, hopping back and forth (Rhodey snorted). " _It's been around for three weeks now -"_

" _It's called dirty boxing,"_ snapped Happy. " _There's nothing new about it. All right, lift 'em up, c'mon."_

Just then, a woman with a _very_ familiar face came into the room holding a folder. She was dressed in a white blouse and black pants, and her long hair, which was a much darker red than Pepper's, fell in waves around her shoulders.

"Hey, look who it is!" cried Sam, pointing.

"Hi, Nat!" said Steve, waving at the screen.

The others burst into spontaneous applause, making Natasha laugh.


	4. Natalie Takes the Stage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stark Industries gets a new CEO, Tony gets a new assistant, and "the trash" makes an unexpected reappearance.

Happy and Tony paused their sparring bout to gape at onscreen Natasha.

The real Natasha exchanged a smirk with Fury; the others were just finishing their applause.

Onscreen Natasha looked Tony over critically before going to join Pepper.

" _I promise you this is the only time I will ask you to sign over your company,"_ called onscreen Pepper. She smiled politely at Natasha.

"You got it, boss," said the real Tony.

The real Pepper rolled her eyes at him, but she seemed far more relaxed now.

Onscreen Natasha opened her folder for Pepper to look at. " _I need you to initial each box,"_ she said in her pleasantly husky voice.

"Took me a while, but I got in," said the real Natasha with a smirk.

Onscreen, Tony was still watching Natasha from the boxing ring. Happy gave him a thump in the back of the head to make him turn around. " _Lesson one,"_ he said. " _Never take your eye off your -"_

Tony's foot slammed into the mat protecting Happy's stomach, sending him reeling against the other side of the boxing ring.

"Oh, poor Happy," said the real Pepper, and Wanda, who had a fair idea of what was about to happen, stifled a giggle.

Onscreen, Pepper and Natasha both looked up at the sound of a heavy thud and the gong dinging followed by Happy's voice - " _That's it, I'm done"_ \- as he began removing his gear.

" _What's your name, lady?"_ called Tony, pointing at the newcomer.

"Oh, if I told you, I'd have to kill you," said the real Natasha cheerfully.

"Yeah, like, actually kill me," the real Tony shot Fury a look.

Wanda saw Steve's lips moving soundlessly, and she listened in on his thought just in time to hear _Romanov, Natalia Alianovna_.

" _Rushman, Natalie Rushman,"_ said the woman with the dark red hair.

"Wait, that's a little close to your real name, isn't it?" asked Bruce skeptically.

" _Front and center, come into the church,"_ said Tony, taking a swallow of what was probably more chlorophyll.

"You would," said Rhodey, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, it worked," said the real Natasha to Bruce.

" _No,"_ said Pepper. " _You're seriously not going to ask her -"_

" _If it pleases the court, which it does,"_ said Tony as if he hadn't heard.

"Oh, it's like that, it is," said Clint, also rolling his eyes.

'Natalie Rushman' gave Pepper a smile. " _It's no problem,"_ she said, and her heels clicked on the floor as she walked to the boxing ring, seeming to ignore Pepper's " _I'm sorry, he's very eccentric."_

"Course it's not a problem," said the real Tony. Pepper and Natasha rolled their eyes.

"Eccentric does not even begin to describe this one," said Thor, pointing not at the screen but at the real Tony, who smirked and threw out his chest with pride.

Onscreen, Tony lifted the ropes, and Natasha slipped her shoes off and ducked under them as she climbed inside the ring. She straightened up and eyed Tony again, as if sizing him up, which as Wanda could see was precisely what she'd been doing.

Tony eyed Natasha, and took another drink from his bottle. Natasha smiled at him.

Laura began to laugh quietly.

"Hiire meee," said Steve in a loud throaty whisper.

"Hey, I worked _hard_ to get that job as his assistant," said Natasha. "Had to make my coworker sick at the _last_ minute so I could even be there."

"I don't even wanna know how the hell you did _that_ ," said Sam.

Onscreen Tony took the bottle from his mouth. " _What?"_ he asked.

Natasha just looked up at him.

Onscreen Tony gestured to Happy. " _Could you, uh, give her a lesson?"_ he asked, stepping out of the boxing ring.

"Oh, ha-ha-ha," chuckled Steve. "That's funny, that's hilarious."

"It's about to get better," said the real Pepper, and Natasha smirked again.

Onscreen, Happy obligingly stepped up to Natasha. " _Um-hm, no problem,"_ he said. Natasha threw a look over her shoulder as Tony went to sit down by the new CEO of Stark Industries.

"Hi, boss!" said Rhodey.

" _Pepper,"_ said Tony at once.

" _What?"_ asked Pepper, who was obviously less than impressed by the proceedings.

" _Who is she?"_ asked Tony.

"Let's not ask that," said the real Natasha.

" _She is from legal,"_ said Pepper. " _And she is potentially a very expensive sexual harassment lawsuit if you keep ogling her like that -"_

("Could've got yourself a nice settlement there," said the real Tony with a shrug.)

" _I need a new assistant, boss,"_ said onscreen Tony. " _I need a new assistant."_

"You need a new hot girl," corrected Steve.

" _Yes,"_ Pepper looked at her phone. " _And I've got three excellent potential candidates lined up and ready to meet you -"_

" _I don't have time to meet,"_ said onscreen Tony. " _I need someone now, I feel like it's her."_

"Hey, it worked!" said Betty.

"I'm just good like that," said Natasha smugly.

Onscreen Pepper looked up with the smile she always wore when Tony was being exasperating. " _No, it's not,"_ she said.

" _You ever box before?"_ asked Happy of onscreen Natasha.

Wanda tried not to think of memories of the Red Room; the mood in the lounge seemed rather lighthearted at the moment.

" _I have, yes,"_ said Natasha.

"Ha!" said Clint, unconsciously rubbing his head.

" _What, like Tae Bo? Booty Bootcamp? Crunch? Something like that?"_ asked Happy.

"Cute," said the real Natasha. Most everybody else had read all the files about her, and remained silent; but Thor looked up with interest. "How did you become the Black Widow?" he asked.

Onscreen Natasha's smile slipped. She cleared her throat and seemed to be fumbling for an answer.

"Later, Thor," said Jane, making a face.

Thor glanced round at his friends and comrades' suddenly blank or unsettled expressions, and looked decidedly troubled.

" _How do I spell your name, Natalie?"_ called onscreen Tony just in time.

"Exactly how it sounds," muttered Bruce.

Onscreen, Natasha turned her head. " _R-U-S-H-M-A-N,"_ she said.

Tony clapped his still-gloved hands together, and the table next to him woke up with desktop icons appearing on the glass surface.

"What?!" Sam's eyes rolled. "The friggin' table is a computer too?"

"Whatcha expect?" asked the real Tony as his onscreen counterpart began punching the name "Natalie Rushman" into the search engine of his database.

" _What, are you going to Google her now?"_ asked Pepper.

"Google? Google, really?" the real Tony feigned injury.

" _Hum? I thought I was ogling her,"_ said onscreen Tony. ("Yeah, very funny," said Rhodey.) He began scrolling through numerous files attached to _Natalie Rushman_. " _Oh, wow,"_ he said approvingly. " _Very, very impressive individual."_

"Not to mention smokin' hot," said Betty.

"And this is who? Tony Stark? You don't say!" said Steve.

" _You're so predictable, you know that?"_ asked onscreen Pepper.

" _She's fluent in French,"_ Tony went on, finding an array of very alluring pictures. " _Italian, Russian, Latin - who speaks Latin?"_

"Whole lot of unfair comparisons going on here," said Darcy.

" _No one speaks Latin,"_ said onscreen Pepper. " _It's a dead language -"_

" _No one speaks Latin?"_ Tony continued scrolling, found a tantalizing picture of Natasha modeling intimates, and enlarged it.

"See? Who's supposed to be able to compete with _that_?" wailed Darcy, pointing at the screen.

"Ooh, Tokyo!" grinned Natasha at the same time. "That was fun."

"Don't tell me _that_ was a mission too!" said Pepper.

"Course it was," said Natasha. "Modeling's fun in moderation, but I'm way too busy to actually model for the sake of modeling."

" _You can read Latin,"_ onscreen Pepper was saying. " _or you can write Latin, but you can't speak Latin -"_

" _Did you model in Tokyo?"_ asked Tony. " _Cause she modeled in Tokyo."_

"Oh, poor Pepper," sighed the Vision.

" _Well -"_ The unfortunate Pepper seemed to have had her fill.

Natasha was still watching Tony and Pepper bickering from the boxing ring (" _I need her; she's got everything that I need -"_ ) when Happy spoke from behind her - " _Rule number one: never take your eye off your oppo -"_

Natasha's head snapped around, and her left hand closed on Happy's right arm. She pushed sideways on the arm, and in an instant her body had flipped completely around, her feet flying over her head and her legs fastening round Happy's neck. The man topped like a ninepin.

"Whoa-ho-ho!" cried Rhodey, more involuntarily than because he was actually surprised.

"Uh-huh!" said the real Natasha.

"Kaboom!" said Steve, punching his open hand.

" _Whoa!"_ cried onscreen Tony, and " _Oh, my God!"_ howled Pepper at the same time.

Wanda applauded, and the others quickly joined in. The real Natasha flushed only slightly, but Wanda knew better than anyone else that she greatly enjoyed seeing her own skills displayed in such bloodless, though undignified, scenes.

" _Hu-wah!"_ said onscreen Natasha, unwinding her legs from Happy's throat and getting up.

" _Happy!"_ squeaked Pepper anxiously.

"Is this beat-the-crap-outta-Happy day or what?" cackled Bruce.

" _That's what I'm talking about."_ Onscreen Tony got up and approached the ring again.

"You said it, not me," said the real Tony, spreading his hands again.

" _Just slipped,"_ said Happy climbing to his feet rather more slowly than Natasha.

The real Pepper rolled her eyes.

" _You did?"_ Onscreen Tony rang the bell. " _Looks like a TKO to me!"_

"Technical knockout," said the Vision to Thor (and Wanda, but he only spoke aloud for Thor's benefit). "A defeat based on skill."

"Don't feel bad, Happy, she can knock most people out with her hands tied," said Tony.

Natasha had by this time slipped nimbly out of the ring and down to the floor in front of Tony. " _I just need your impression,"_ she said as she put on her shoes.

Tony squinted. " _You have quiet reserve? I don't know - you've got an old soul -"_

("Yeah, I'd have an old soul too," muttered Steve)

" _I meant your fingerprint,"_ said Natasha, and she picked up her file and opened it.

"Hiiire meee," whispered the real Natasha.

" _Right,"_ said onscreen Tony, and he pulled out what seemed to be a sort of sticker.

"You seriously can't take off your gloves for _one_ moment?" asked Betty.

" _So, how're we doing?"_ asked Pepper with her most professional smile, coming up to Tony and Natasha.

" _Great,"_ said Tony. " _Just wrapping up, hey."_ He punched the sticker down on the page in Natasha's folder. " _You're the boss."_

"Course, you were already doing everything, we're just making it official here," said the real Tony. Beside him Pepper snorted.

" _Will that be all, Mr. Stark?"_ asked Natasha, throwing her errant hair back over her shoulder.

"That will be all, Ms. Rushman!" Steve recited.

" _No,"_ began onscreen Tony, but at that moment Pepper said, " _Yes, that will be all, Ms. Rushman, thank you very much."_

"Hey, called it!" said Steve.

And before onscreen Tony could protest, Natasha had turned with the folder and walked out of the room. Tony stared after her until she was out of sight.

"Don't worry, I'll be back!" said the real Natasha.

"We don't doubt it," said Thor.

Onscreen, Tony turned back to Pepper. " _I want one,"_ he said.

" _No,"_ said Pepper, and her lips puckered before she smiled again.

"Aww, Mom!" whined Clint. "You never let me have _any-_ thing!"

And then, while a loud, driving rhythm pounded over the speakers, there was a glimpse of a town on a green hillside that sloped down to the sea ("Monaco", according to the subtitle). An announcer spoke in French announcing the Grand Prix de Monaco Historique.

"What is the Grand Prix de Monaco Historique?" asked Thor, surprising Wanda a bit by pronouncing all the French words almost perfectly.

"It's a series of car races," said Rhodey. "each focusing on a specific period in Grand Prix history. It's a big deal if you're a rich guy with a Grand Prix."

"Then Stark was there to race?" asked Thor innocently.

Tony winced quietly, and Pepper's eyes flashed. "He was supposed to be _on vacation_ to _watch_ the races, not to _participate_ ," she growled. It was brought home to Wanda that there were plenty of reasons to dislike Tony Stark other than the reason she'd always had (and he actually seemed to be mostly innocent of _that_ ).

Onscreen at that moment, with two security guards riding in front, a car which was of course a Grand Prix pulled to a stop in front of the Hotel de Paris. Tony Stark stepped out of the back door, and anybody that happened to be sitting or standing where they could see him at once burst into applause. Tony raised two fingers in salute.

On the other side of the car, Happy opened the door for the new CEO of Stark Industries, who was wearing a blue dress with white polka-dots which was slightly off-the-shoulder, with matching pumps (because Pepper never appeared in public without pumps). As Happy turned to follow Pepper and Tony into the building, the viewers saw that he was carrying a bright red-and-silver briefcase.

"Even the briefcase has to look flashy," said Steve.

"It's not a briefcase," said the real Tony.

"No? What is it?" asked Steve. But Tony just smirked.

Inside the hotel, which was filled with people wearing only the most expensive-looking clothes you could imagine (you saw it more with the women's hats and shoes and purses than anything else) Tony led the way into what seemed to be the dining room.

"Ooh, posh!" said Ian.

" _You know, it's Europe,"_ said onscreen Tony, turning briefly to Pepper. " _Whatever happens in the next twenty minutes, just - go with it."_

" _Go with it?"_ asked Pepper suspiciously. " _Go with what?"_

But Tony said " _Hey!"_ and removed his sunglasses to look at . . .

" _Mr. Stark?"_ said the voice of onscreen Natasha, and then there she was in a very fetching pink dress with a very professional smile. " _Hello, how was your flight?"_

"That's some dress you've got there," said Laura.

"You've already been hired, haven't you?" asked Bruce.

"Thanks, and you really think Maximoff's the only one around here who's got mind control?" snarked the real Natasha.

" _It was excellent,"_ said onscreen Tony, and he took a small glass from a tray that was being offered him by a waiter. " _Boy, it's good to see you."_

Pepper looked from Tony to Natasha in obvious shock.

" _We have one photographer from the ACM, if you don't mind,"_ said Natasha, gesturing over her shoulder, and a man who had been standing behind her raised a camera.

"Pictures, he doesn't mind," said the real Tony.

" _When did this happen?"_ asked onscreen Pepper, her teeth gritted in a smile that did not touch her eyes.

" _You made me do it,"_ said Tony, his mouth also stretched into a smile meant clearly for the camera only.

"She _made_ you - you know what -" Jane shook her head.

" _I made you do what?"_ demanded Pepper.

"Not Pepper, Nat," said Steve.

" _Smile,"_ said Tony, pointing to the photographer. " _Great. Stop acting constipated, don't flare your nostrils."_

Pepper chuckled without mirth. " _Oh, you are so predictable,"_ she said again as the camera flashed. " _That's the amazing thing -"_

"I'm not amazed," said Rhodey dryly.

" _Right this way,"_ said Natasha, and Tony followed her across the dining room to one of the large windows overlooking the race track.

" _You look fantastic,"_ he told her.

"She always looks fantastic," said Pepper.

" _Why, thank you very much,"_ said both the real and the onscreen Natasha almost in unison.

" _But that's unprofessional,"_ Tony went on. " _What's on the docket?"_

" _You have a nine-thirty dinner,"_ said Natasha, smiling up at him.

" _Perfect,"_ said Tony, putting his sunglasses back on. " _I'll be there at eleven._ ("Seriously?" muttered Rhodey. "Hey, it's just an hour and a half this time," said the real Tony.) _Is this us?"_ He pointed at a table next to the window.

" _It can be,"_ said Natasha, her arms folded behind her back.

" _Great, make it us,"_ said Tony, and Natasha stepped aside to tap a waiter on the arm.

Meanwhile, Pepper had walked up to a man in a white suit-jacket. " _Mr. Musk,"_ she greeted him. " _How are you?"_

"Mr. Musk, that's quite a name," said Steve.

" _Hello, Pepper,"_ said Mr. Musk, rising to his feet and shaking her hand. " _Congratulations on the promotion."_

"Look at him, he thinks she slept with him," said Laura, pointing.

" _Thank you very much,"_ said onscreen Pepper politely.

"There's really no way around that, considering Tony's reputation," said the real Pepper.

"Former reputation!" protested the real Tony.

Onscreen Tony had noticed the man. " _Elon! How's it going?"_ he asked, getting up to shake the man's hand in his turn. " _Those Merlin engines are fantastic."_

" _Thank you,"_ said Elon Musk. " _I've got an idea for an electric jet."_

" _You do?"_ said Tony, already a step past the other man.

" _Yeah,"_ said Musk.

"Wait, an electric jet, is that possible?" asked Bruce.

"Nope," said the real Tony.

" _We'll make it work,"_ said onscreen Tony over his shoulder as he walked after Pepper. " _You want a massage?"_ he asked, putting his arm around her.

"I actually don't like massages," said the real Pepper.

" _Oh, God,"_ sighed onscreen Pepper, who had obviously been disrespected quite enough for one day. " _No, I don't want a massage."_

"Oh, so it's not just me," said Laura.

" _I'll have Natalie make an appointment,"_ said onscreen Tony as he walked with Pepper toward the bar. " _I don't want you to be tense -"_

" _I don't want Natalie to do anything -"_ protested Pepper.

" _By the way, I didn't mean to spring this on you,"_ Tony went on.

("Sure, Mom, I didn't mean to eat all the cookies!" said Fury.)

" _\- thank you very much,"_ finished Pepper rather wearily, and put her glass up on the counter.

" _Green is not your best color,"_ said Tony, coming around to stand in front of Pepper ("She's not wearing green!" observed Steve) - but now the angle from which they were looking at him afforded them a view of a familiar face some few seats behind. He spotted Tony and leaned over to look.

" _Oh, please, would you stop?"_ Pepper was just beginning angrily when the voice of Justin Hammer said " _Anthony? Is that you?"_ and was followed in short order by the man himself.

"Hey, look who coincidentally showed up!" said Clint.

" _Hey, pal!"_ said Hammer, clapping Tony on the shoulder.

" _My least favorite person on earth - Justin Hammer,"_ said Tony with only a hint of irony, turning only at the last possible moment.

"Don't sound so happy to see him!" Thor raised to him.

"Thor, just so you know, the name Hammer is currently mud at Stark Industries," said Natasha.

" _How're ya doin'?"_ grinned Hammer. " _You're not the only rich guy here with a fancy car."_ He pointed back over his shoulder. " _You know Christine Everhart from Vanity Fair, you guys know each other?"_

"Seriously? Her again?!" said Clint as another familiar smiling face appeared over Hammer's shoulder.

"I thought you took the trash out," said Darcy to Pepper.

" _Hi, yes!"_ said Christine cordially.

" _Hi, yes, we do,"_ returned onscreen Pepper more politely than warmly.

" _Yes, roughly,"_ said Tony, regarding Christine rather warily.

"Sometimes the trash walks back in," said the real Pepper.

Onscreen, Hammer pointed at Pepper, still smirking. " _BTW,"_ he said to Christine ("By the way?" hissed Thor in Jane's ear). " _Big story - the new CEO of Stark Industries! Congratulations!"_

"He _really_ thinks she slept with him!" said Maria.

" _I know, I know!"_ said Christine. " _And my editor will kill me if I don't grab a quote for our Powerful Women issue -"_

" _Oh?"_ inquired Pepper.

" _Can I -"_

" _Sure,"_ said Pepper.

"Not picking up the dry cleaning anymore, huh?" smirked Jane.

" _She's actually doing a big spread on me for Vanity Fair,"_ said Hammer ("Too much information!" protested Bruce.). " _I thought I'd throw her a bone, you know."_

" _Right,"_ said Pepper, looking from Hammer to Christine. " _Well, she did_ quite _a spread on Tony last year."_

"That she did!" said Rhodey.

" _And she wrote a story as well,"_ said onscreen Tony, rather hurriedly (Wanda thought).

"That and more," said Steve. "Remind me _never_ to do another interview for that magazine."

" _It was very impressive -"_ onscreen Pepper interjected.

" _That was good,"_ Tony went on.

"Seriously, don't tell us," said Bruce.

" _\- very well done,"_ finished Pepper. (" _Thank you!"_ said Christine). " _So, I'm gonna -"_ She moved to step away.

" _Don't leave me,"_ said Tony unexpectedly, which surprised Wanda a bit. She was quickly gathering, from Pepper's rather bitter and very vivid recollections, that Tony had treated her like something he'd found on the bottom of his shoe during that time.

" _\- go wash,"_ finished Pepper severely, and walked off.

" _Hey, buddy, how're ya doing?"_ Hammer slid an arm round Tony's shoulders.

"What is it with these guys who put their hands on people?" Clint was heard to mutter.

" _I'm all right,"_ Tony was unsubtly trying to move away from the other man.

" _Looking gorgeous,"_ Hammer commented.

Just then a camera flashed from somewhere in front of them, and Tony grimaced, reaching for his sunglasses and sliding them back on. " _Please, this is tough,"_ he protested.

"I'm sorry, don't you like being on camera?" asked Steve.

" _Fromage!"_ said Hammer cheerfully, smiling at the camera. " _Say 'Brie'!"_

"Oh, har-dee-har!" said Jane.

"Poor Christine!" said Sam.

For Christine was holding up a small recorder up to the two businessmen and was obviously trying to speak to them. " _Can I ask you - is this the first time you guys have seen each other - hey, guys -"_

" _Oh, God, that's so awful,"_ said Tony to Hammer, obviously unimpressed by the 'Brie' joke, momentarily smiling for the camera and then pulling away from Hammer.

"Total bros," said Natasha.

Hammer laughed, and Tony chuckled out of obligation.

" _Listen -"_ Christine finally got both Tony and Hammer's attention. " _is it the first time you guys have seen each other since the Senate?"_

"The hearing!" said Steve merrily.

"Pretty much, yeah," said the real Tony.

" _Uh, since he got his contract revoked,"_ remarked onscreen Tony, straightening his fine suit-jacket and turning to lead the way to a table which was not the one he'd asked Natasha to set aside for him earlier ("Big surprise there!" said Rhodey). " _when you were attempting to -"_

" _Actually, it's on hold -"_ Hammer followed Tony, obviously still chagrined about the incident ("Oh, yeah?" asked Bruce). " _It's not -"_

" _That's not what I heard,"_ said Tony. " _What's the difference between 'hold' and 'canceled'?"_

"That had to be embarrassing!" said Laura.

" _Yes, what is?"_ asked Christine, and the recorder was now definitely pointed toward Hammer more than Tony.

" _The truth?"_ Tony mocked.

"Yeah, do tell, Hammer!" said Rhodey.

" _No, ah, the truth is - why don't we put that away -"_ Hammer made a swatting gesture at the recorder as he sat down at the table ("Ha, of course!" snorted Fury). " _The truth is, I'm actually hoping to present something at your Expo."_ He picked up a glass that seemed to be full of deep yellow wine and took a drink from it.

"Well, he did that!" muttered Pepper.

" _Well,"_ said Tony, eyeing Hammer skeptically. " _if you invent something that works, I'll make sure I'll get you a slot."_

"I don't think that counted as _his_ presentation, Pep," said the real Tony to Pepper.

Just then Natasha's pink dress appeared behind onscreen Tony's shoulder, and the low, husky voice said, " _Mr. Stark?"_

" _Yes?"_ said Tony, getting up.

" _Your corner table is ready,"_ said Natasha, smiling up at him, and Tony followed her away from Hammer's table gladly enough.

"What, was someone else sitting there?" asked Pepper.

"Someone else was going to," said Natasha. "But I can be very persuasive."

" _I actually have a slot this year, yes I do,"_ Hammer remarked, getting comfortable in his chair.

" _Hammer needs a slot, Christine,"_ called Tony over his shoulder as he went, pointing and giving her one of his globally prized smiles.

"Did he invent something that worked?" asked Thor.

"Yes and no," was all the real Tony would say.

" _We kid - yeah!"_ Hammer laughed to cover his annoyance. " _We kid, we're kidders."_

Inside his hotel room, Tony pricked his finger with the little blood-reading device, and the words BLOOD TOXICITY: 53% flashed across the screen.

"53% already?" Rhodey winced.

"Yeah, okay, I told you, I was dying," said the real Tony.

"Not then, you didn't," said Rhodey. "And dying doesn't entitle you to be stupid, especially at a time like that."

"Guys," said Natasha.

As onscreen Tony gave a small wince and shook his hand, they saw that he was standing in front of a large mirror. His shirt was unbuttoned just enough for them to see the Arc Reactor, surrounded by the pale, translucent flesh and the dark blue, almost black veins. He looked at the device, and then down at his finger, which he briefly put into his mouth. Then he placed his hands on the marble countertop in front of the mirror, and gazed down for a long moment. Wanda could feel the remembered realisation - _I've got a month left at best if this keeps going._

Then Tony lifted his head. " _Got any new bad ideas?"_ he asked his reflection.

Vision's shoulders stiffened. Pepper breathed in sharply, her teeth clenching and her nostrils flaring. Beside her, the real Tony shifted nervously.

"Oh boy, this is it, isn't it?" asked Clint.


	5. Whiplash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's foolishness reaches a new high, and Thor meets the Whiplash.

Next moment, surrounded by security guards, photographers, and eager fans, Tony was outside striding toward the race track, dressed in a blue and black jumpsuit with the name "Stark" stitched in white letters across the front. He jumped over the low wall and onto the race track.

"Yep," said Natasha to Clint. "This is it."

"Oi," groaned the android, and Wanda rubbed his back, which seemed to relax under her touch.

The real Tony rubbed his neck in actual embarrassment. "Like I said, I'm not proud of this."

"Not proud of it?" shouted Pepper. "That's all you have to say about this, you're not proud of it? Well, I really hope you're not proud of it, because -"

"Pepper, I got _attacked_ by a crazy terrorist -"

"Oh, no, no, no, you are _not_ starting _that_ routine with me again -"

"I didn't say I wasn't being stupid, I'm saying it _wasn't my fault that I almost got murdered_ -"

"You guys!" shouted Bruce, and they both turned and glared at him. He held up his hands. "Not now, okay?"

In the hotel dining room, a television was streaming Tony live behind Justin Hammer's head as he continued what was obviously an ongoing interview. " _Tony and I - I love Tony Stark,"_ he said magnanimously. " _Tony loves me. We're not competitors. Him being out of the picture created tremendous opportunities for Hammer Industries, you know? Everything that Tony and I do -"_

But Christine's eyes had traveled up to the screen almost automatically, and at this moment Hammer noticed this. His head swiveled round to look at what she was looking at, even as he tried to continue to speak. " _\- is a healthy - competition -"_

"I knew he'd be watching," muttered the real Tony. Pepper eyed him murderously.

On the television, Tony turned to face the camera. " _Well, what's the use of having and owning a race car,"_ he asked, pausing for the translator next to him. " _if you don't drive it?"_

The crowd on the other side of the low wall cheered as if he had said something profound.

"I don't know - _anything else_ , perhaps?" huffed the real Pepper.

"I don't understand," said Thor.

"Race car driving is _really dangerous!_ " cried Darcy. "It's _designed_ to be dangerous. People die doing it _all the time_. You're supposed to have special training before you go jump in a race car."

" _Is he driving?"_ asked Hammer in surprise, turning back to Christine.

Pepper, who as it turned out had gone to sit down at a side table by herself, had caught sight of the footage. Her eyes widened as Tony walked up to the man who had clearly been going to drive Tony's race car and spoke to him.

"And there's the professional driver," said Vision, pointing at the screen as the man threw down his helmet and stormed off in a huff.

Pepper looked frantically around. " _Natalie? Natalie!"_ she called, beckoning.

" _Yes, Miss Potts?"_ Natasha appeared by Pepper's side as if by magic.

" _Did you know about this?"_ asked Pepper.

"No," said the real Natasha.

" _This is the first that I've known of it,"_ said Natasha.

"Nope, new bad idea," said Tony.

"Tony," said Bruce. "If I were you and Pepper was sitting next to me at the moment, I'd stay real quiet right about now."

The look on Pepper's face at the moment was indeed making Wanda rather nervous even with Vision as a buffer.

Onscreen, Pepper looked back at the television just in time to see the name Defilipo erased from the list of contestants and replaced with the name Stark. " _This cannot happen,"_ she said.

"This is happening," said Steve.

" _Absolutely, I understand,"_ said Natasha. " _How can I help you?"_

" _Where's Happy?"_ asked Pepper.

" _He's waiting outside,"_ was the reply.

" _Okay, get him,"_ said Pepper. " _I need Happy."_

"Why Happy?" asked Steve.

" _Right away,"_ said Natasha, and she vanished.

"Happy has the case," said the real Pepper to Steve.

"What's with the case?" asked Steve.

"Can't you guess?" asked Tony. Steve blinked at him.

Thor's eyes slid to Tony, and then to Pepper. He began to smirk.

Hammer turned away from the television and tried to resume the interview. " _Tony is - you know, he . . . we're not - we're not competitive,"_ he went on. " _You know what I mean?"_

"Dude, you're not the center of attention anymore," said Clint.

" _Yeah, yeah, yeah,"_ Christine looked down at her notes. " _You know, can you excuse me just one second?"_

" _Why don't you -"_ Hammer tried to keep her. " _\- just read me what you wrote -"_

"It's all about Stark now," said Sam.

" _I will,"_ said Christine, moving to get up. " _I will, after -"_

" _Just read it back to me -"_

" _But I have to make a quick phone call,"_ said Christine, pulling out her cell phone and hastily getting up.

"Is that a _flip phone_?" asked Sam in disbelief. "People in media especially haven't used those for years!"

" _Where are you going?"_ asked Hammer, " _I've got some caviar coming."_

("Plech, caviar!" muttered Steve with a grimace. Food - at least the way Americans ate - was one of the few things he enjoyed about the times he was adjusting to, as everyone knew. And as he ate about five times as much as the average man it was rather hard to take him anywhere to eat except your standard American buffet, which of course does not serve international "delicacies" like caviar in great quantities)

But Christine, with the words, " _This is great, this is great stuff - I'll be right back -"_ had already vanished, and Hammer turned almost unwillingly to look back up at the television.

Tony was now in the race car, his helmet on his head. He raised a finger in greeting as he looked into the camera, almost as if he knew Hammer was watching and wanted him to know it. Hammer scowled.

"Fasten your seatbelts, here we go!" said Natasha.

On the race track, Tony revved the engine a couple of times and then gave the assistant next to him the thumbs up to indicate he was ready. The man stepped back. Up above in the crowded stands, the crowd of fans cheered eagerly.

Vision started muttering number patterns under his breath.

"I can tell already the next few minutes are going to get loud," said Maria.

Five sets of traffic lights on the pole above the race cars glowed brightly, and an announcer began counting down in French. Then the lights turned red, and the race began.

"And they're off!" said Clint.

The cars all zoomed off in a line down the track, motors whining loudly. They turned corners and steered curves at breakneck speed.

"Oh, this can't end well!" said Thor in dismay.

"It only gets worse from here," said Fury grimly.

For a moment they passed close to the sea, which of course looked very pretty even next to a race track.

And then they saw a figure dressed in an orange jumpsuit and a helmet labeled 'Intervention,' walking in a line with other similarly dressed attendants. His face was just visible underneath the clear part of the helmet.

"Oh my God!" shouted Betty.

"Vanko! What the hell?!" shrieked Steve, jumping.

"How did you think he got in?" demanded Natasha.

Tony was still racing, and seemed to be doing fairly well, though he was not in the lead.

Inside the hotel, Pepper sat obviously waiting for Happy to arrive. The real Pepper was beginning to shake a little, and Wanda noted her obvious panic with alarm. What she saw in her memory was even more upsetting.

Onscreen, Ivan broke away from the rest of the line and walked next to the track with all the confidence of a hunter whose quarry is caught and waiting for him.

"Oh, holy shit," muttered Bruce, rubbing his forehead.

VIsion was now chanting a number sequence that seemed entirely composed of 1's and 0's.

Tony and the other drivers came out of a tunnel, and zoomed along the track.

Then Ivan came to an opening in the gate, and stepped out onto the race track, letting the first of the contestants pass him by. He stood in the middle of the road, waiting.

"Oh, God," Clint was muttering. "Oh, God."

In the dining room, Pepper's eyes widened with horror. The real Pepper's shaking increased.

Hammer joined the small, well-dressed throng that was gathering in front of the television, just as enthralled as the rest.

Ivan threw off his helmet and pulled open his orange jacket, under which he wore no shirt; but the Arc Reactor he had built gleamed brightly in the middle of his chest. Then his arms came down, and in each of his hands was now a length of steel which crackled and sparked with electricity.

Steve shivered.

The whole back of Ivan's jacket was burned away by something underneath, which turned out to be a harness-like device that he had fitted over his body and arms to accommodate the Arc Reactor and the whips. There was no armor, like Tony's Iron Man Suit. Ivan's device was clearly built for a single purpose - to kill.

"Whiplash!" cried Thor.

Then, as a driver that was not Tony came screeching toward Ivan, he stepped forward and raised his arm, bringing one of the whips down across the front of the race car.

"Oh!" gasped Wanda.

The whole front right corner of the car snapped completely off as neatly as a pair of scissors cuts a sheet of paper, and the rest of the car flipped up into the air and went spinning down the road before going up in a burst of fire.

"WHAT THE HELL?" howled Sam.

"Fu-udge!" shouted Clint, purely out of habit.

The watchers in the dining room gasped in horror, with the notable exception of Hammer, whose gaze was sharply alert.

"What's he looking at?" cried the real Natasha. "It's not like he knew already!"

Onscreen Pepper looked anxiously around. There, in the doorway of the room, stood Happy with the shiny red and silver briefcase.

"Yes! Finally!" shouted Rhodey.

Next moment Happy was jumping into the driver's seat of the car that they'd driven to the hotel.

" _Go, go!"_ shouted Pepper, flinging herself into the back seat.

"You're not going _on the track_?!" cried Steve.

"How did you think we got there?" the real Pepper shouted back.

Happy started up in record time and drove straight for the race track, flinging Pepper back against the seat as he did so. " _Hang on!"_ he said as he came up to a gate.

"Oh, _Pepper_ ," groaned Vision, who appeared to be out of sequences for the moment.

Happy sailed through the gate with a crash, and with a screech of swerving tires he swung round to follow the track. The other race cars were zooming by them to right and left.

"Someone tell me this isn't actually happening right now!" squawked Bruce. "Tell me Happy and Pepper aren't trying to get themselves killed to stop Tony getting killed!"

There would have been total chaos in the stands had it not been for the security guards, who were hurrying the civilians out of harm's way as the smoke and fumes from the explosion filled the air.

Then Tony came flying round a bend, onto the stretch where Ivan stood waiting for him. There was no time to react - before he could even think of braking, he was nearly on top of Ivan, and Ivan had swung the whip right across the front of the race car.

"NO!" bellowed Thor.

The entire front section, including the front wheels, snapped completely off, and Tony with the rest of the car went spinning through the air.

"SHIT!" howled Steve. No one even thought to comment.

Vision jumped (a real jump, into the air). Pepper screamed aloud.

The car landed upside down, and they could see Tony beginning to struggle out of its ruins.

"He's alive!" gasped Thor.

"For _now_!" huffed Natasha.

Ivan, satisfied that Tony was in his grasp, walked toward what was left of the race car in no hurry. Tony pulled off his helmet and stared at Ivan (upside down, of course) as if not quite believing his eyes.

"Come on, get outta there!" shouted Clint.

More drivers came within sight of Ivan, and tried to turn around or stop, but the moment they came within about five feet of Ivan, they all exploded violently, outlining Ivan's frame in fire and smoke.

"WHY ARE THEY ALL BLOWING UP?" shrieked Betty.

In the dining room, everyone watching gasped in horror - except Hammer.

In the back seat of the car, Pepper leaned forward. " _Give me the case,"_ she said.

"Don't die! Please don't die!" wailed Jane.

" _Here, take it,"_ Happy slid the case back between the front seats to her, not daring to take his eyes off the road.

" _Where's the key?!"_ cried Pepper in alarm.

"Key? It doesn't have a combo?" cried Steve.

" _It's in my pocket!"_ said Happy.

" _Car!"_ howled Pepper, and Happy swerved to avoid yet another contestant just in time.

"Oh, God!" shouted Natasha.

Vision trembled, and accidentally phased so that Wanda nearly fell through him.

Ivan marched up to Tony's car, and swung his whip straight down the middle of it. But when the two pieces fell apart, Tony was nowhere to be seen.

"What? Where are you?!" shouted Thor.

Then, from behind, Tony rammed Ivan on the head with part of a car door. Ivan turned quick as lightning and swung his whips again. Tony's makeshift weapon flew out of his hands and he went tumbling to the ground.

"Oh, crikey!" shouted Clint.

"Well, I suppose that was gutsy!" huffed Erik.

Ivan brought down one of his whips, and Tony rolled aside just in time. He scooted backward until Ivan swung the whip again, and again he rolled out of the way.

"I don't know how much more I can watch," said Bruce weakly. Wanda noticed through Vision's sudden alarmed analysis that his heart rate was indeed dangerously high.

"Really starting to wish I had some vodka right now," muttered the real Tony grimly.

Wanda glanced at the coffee table, leaned forward, picked up the bottle that had appeared on it, and poured one of the glasses that had also appeared on the table half full. "Here," she said, offering Tony the glass.

A third swing of the whip cracked the asphalt just between his legs and came inches from killing him. Pepper flinched. "Could I have one of those with olives?" she asked hopefully.

Wanda leaned forward again, picked up four olives, and dropped them into a second glass into which she poured more vodka. Pepper took it gratefully and had a sip; it did seem to calm her a little.

Onscreen, Tony scrambled to his feet and made a bolt for the remains of another car (this one was green) and tried to jump up on top of it as Ivan swung for him again ("For the love of God . . ." muttered Rhodey). He missed, and fell flat on his back on the ground. He groaned in pain and tried to re-orient himself.

Fury subtly rubbed his back.

"Yeah, we know you're old," said Steve, who had seen.

"You're almost ninety-seven," Fury shot back.

"Actually, I'm technically twenty-nine," said Steve pompously.

Ivan was once again in no hurry. He took his time walking up to Tony, who had the chance to look at the car in front of him and notice the gasoline dripping from the tank. Behind him, Ivan cracked the ground with his whips like a child at play, practically skipping in glee.

"Where's Thor when you need him?" grumbled the real Tony.

Then, just as Ivan brought down the whips on the green car, onscreen Tony jumped up and sprang away just in time. The car went up in flames, and for a moment Tony and Ivan could not see one another.

"Did that finish him?" asked Thor eagerly.

"Nah," said the real Tony. "Can't be that easy."

"You're on fire!" shouted Clint.

For as onscreen Tony steadied himself he realized that his arm was on fire. Hastily he began beating at the flames; but by this time Ivan had seen him and was again coming up on him.

"Oh, shoot!" said Betty.

Tony managed to put out the fire, and he backed away as Ivan came on him yet again. But at that moment a black shape tore around the bend and came flying into view.

"Is that Happy?!" shouted Steve, pointing.

Tony, recognizing it, made a dash for the fence and swung himself up it. He did not get very far, but he did get far enough to avoid Ivan's fate of being smashed into the railing by Happy.

"Whoa!" cried Rhodey.

" _Are you okay?"_ shouted Happy as Tony swung himself down from the fence. Pepper was screaming.

"Sorta . . ." muttered Natasha.

" _Yeah,"_ snapped Tony, marching up to the front window. " _Were you heading for me or him?"_

"DID HE NOT JUST SAVE YOUR NECK?" bellowed Sam.

" _I was trying to scare him!"_ protested Happy.

" _Cause I can't tell!"_ Tony went on indignantly.

"YOU UNGRATEFUL SON OF A -" Bruce's face turned purple, and the rest of his skin seemed to take on a hint of green.

"Bruce . . ." said Betty nervously, and the man settled back and began huffing and puffing.

" _ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?"_ screamed onscreen Pepper. " _GET IN THE CAR RIGHT NOW!"_

" _Better security!"_ Tony barked. " _I was attacked! We need better security! You're CEO!"_

"OH, NO YOU DID NOT!" shrieked Jane. "YOU DO NOT GET A LICENSE TO ACT LIKE THAT BECAUSE _YOU GOT ATTACKED_!"

"PEPPER'S CEO? BETTER SECURITY?!" roared Steve. "IT'S YOUR OWN UNGRATEFUL, STUPID-ASS FAULT -"

" _Get in the car!"_ said Happy, who was really holding it together amazingly well.

"Yes, just get in the damn car!" huffed Bruce.

Onscreen Tony marched around the back of the car, still griping. " _Better security measures. God, this is embarrassing!"_

And then Ivan moved.

"What the hell?" cried Clint.

Tony was still talking as he flung open the back door - " _First vacation in two years!"_ \- when half of the car door suddenly broke off in Tony's hand. Ivan's whip had split it right down the middle.

"Oh!" gasped Vision, jumping again.

"HOW CAN HE STILL BE ALIVE?" yelped Thor.

Onscreen Tony reeled back in surprise. Pepper and Happy both cried out, but Happy instantly threw the car into reverse, backed it up, switched back to Drive, and slammed Ivan into the fence again.

" _Oh my God!"_ howled poor Pepper.

" _I got him!"_ shouted Happy.

"No, you didn't! He's still alive!" yelled Rhodey.

"Die! Why won't you die?" shouted Laura.

" _Hit him again! Hit him again!"_ cried Tony, and he reached into the back seat. " _Football!"_

This must have meant 'give me the case' for Pepper tried to pass it to him, but Happy backed up again and rammed into Ivan again, and so Pepper fell back still holding it.

"Seriously, what is with that damn case?!" howled Steve.

"HE STILL REFUSES TO DIE!" roared Thor.

" _I got him!"_ shouted Happy again.

" _Take the case!"_ Pepper was screeching as Happy backed up for the third time. " _Take it! Take the case!"_

"It's a Suit, you goose!" shouted the Pepper at Steve.

" _Give him the case!"_ shouted Happy as he rammed the car yet again.

"What do you mean, it's a Suit?!" Steve flung up his hands in exasperation.

" _Stop banging the car!"_ wailed onscreen Pepper, and she screamed as the airbag blew up in Happy's face and Ivan raised his whips.

"WHY CAN'T YOU DIE ALREADY?!" yelled Bruce.

"Gee, you'd think they didn't like the guy!" said Fury to Natasha, shouting by necessity.

"I don't know _where_ you'd get that idea!" shouted Natasha.

Ivan brought down one of the whips right down the front and middle of the car, which didn't split it immediately but obviously damaged it pretty badly.

" _Calm down!"_ shouted Tony even as Ivan twirled his whips for another strike and this time took off half the top of the car with one stroke.

"Someone tell me this is a nightmare and never actually happened!" groaned Helen.

" _Oh, God!"_ screeched Pepper.

" _The case, please!"_ barked Tony, clapping his hands. " _Come on!"_

Pepper grabbed the case and threw it out of the car. It landed on the ground and slid to Tony, who put his foot on the handle.

And then the briefcase opened to reveal many folded layers of red and silver.

"Ohhh," said Steve, rather hoarse from all the shouting he'd been doing. "It's a Suit, I get it now."

"Gold star for Captain America," grumbled the real Pepper.

It was indeed a Suit, obviously designed to be easily transported without attracting suspicion, in case of emergencies like this. It unfolded partly as Tony bent down and grasped two more handles. He pulled the main part of the Suit up and put it on his chest, stretching out his arms as the gold-titanium mesh and outer shell fitted itself over his arms, down his back, around his legs, and finally, over his head. The Arc Reactor glowed brightly as the Suit connected to it.

"Am I still allowed to be amazed at an Iron Man suit-up?" asked Sam.

"As far as it's maker's concerned, I'm sure you are," said Natasha.

The civilians who were still in the stands cried out and rushed forward to look as Iron Man appeared before their eyes. He kicked away the car with one foot and sent it skidding into the fence on the other side of the track (the real Pepper winced). Then he turned to deal with Ivan, who glared back at him. Obviously this was not going nearly so smoothly as planned.

"Please get this over with," said Rhodey.

Tony stretched out his left hand, and shot a beam of energy at Ivan just as Ivan swung his whip. The end of the whip curled around Tony's hand and sent him reeling.

"Can those whips actually _hurt_ the Suit?" asked Thor uneasily.

Ivan swung the other whip, and grazed the front of the Suit just below the Arc Reactor.

"That was my travel Suit, for emergencies," said the real Tony. "There was only so much I could pack into it.

Onscreen Tony glanced down at himself in alarm, and then raised his right hand (all the systems in the left hand were completely ruined). He shot another beam at Ivan, who deflected with another swing of his whip.

"Well, shucks!" sighed Steve unhappily.

"Cap, no one says that anymore," said Tony.

"Oh, shut up!" said Steve.

Then Ivan twirled both whips, and one wrapped around Tony's right arm and the other round his neck, crackling.

The real Tony winced.

Then Ivan jerked at the whips and flung Tony to the ground (Vision jerked involuntarily). Tony managed to climb to his feet, but he seemed unable to shake off the whips and Ivan flung him again. This time he landed on the front of the torn-up car in front of Happy and Pepper.

"C'mon, do something!" groaned Bruce.

Ivan dragged him down to the ground, and pulled hard on the whip curled round the neck of the Suit. The viewers all held their breath anxiously; the titanium hissed and sparked, but did not break. Inside the helmet, Tony's monitors flickered.

"It's going out . . ." whispered Jane.

But Tony pulled himself to his feet and curled part of the crackling steel rope around his arm.

"Do you have a death wish?" asked Clint incredulously, and then changing his mind, "No, actually, don't answer that."

Onscreen Tony spun round to wrap another length of the whip around his body, and another and another until at last he was right up on Ivan, ducking under the swing of Ivan's other whip. Then he grabbed Ivan by the front of the harness-like half Suit and slammed him down on the ground.

"See? I downed him eventually," said the real Tony.

"But he's. Still. Alive!" protested Clint.

"That is a problem that will come back to bite me later," said Tony without a hint of irony.

As Ivan lay stunned and stirring only feebly, onscreen Tony bent down and ripped the Arc Reactor from the front of the harness-like half-Suit. He looked down at the thing as a team of medical men in black came to carry the injured man away.

The real Tony's face darkened at the remembered sight of the copy of his own device (his own, he had thought), inferior as it was.

Happy and Pepper, the latter of whom seemed to have had enough excitement for one day, watched Tony from the car, clearly waiting for what he would do next.

Then, as the medical team hauled Ivan off, he spat blood in Tony's direction and laughed. " _You - you lose!"_ he cried. " _You lose. You lose, Stark!"_

"You lose? What does he mean, you lose?" demanded Thor.

"He knew, somehow," said the real Pepper dully. "He knew Tony was dying from palladium poisoning."

"He _knew?_ " asked Thor incredulously. "But how? How did he know?"

But no one seemed inclined to answer him.

Onscreen, Tony gazed after Ivan, then back at the Arc Reactor in his hand which his monitor was analyzing. He crumpled it till it fizzled out.

There was a brief glimpse of the race track from above as multiple ambulances rushed to help the injured drivers who had managed to survive.

Inside the dining room of the Hotel de Paris, everyone who had been watching the fiasco play out stood catching their breath and trying to recover from the shock of what they had just seen - with one exception. A smile was appearing on the face of Justin Hammer.

"That's when he had the idea, isn't it?" asked Rhodey.

"Must've been," said Natasha.


	6. Blood in the Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ivan Vanko gives Tony a hint of what's to come, and Justin Hammer cuts a deal.

_Mr. Stark, we ran his prints,_ said the man closest behind Tony in French as he walked down what was obviously a hall in a prison. Behind the pair were a number of other people who were obviously prison guards and officials. _We got nothing back, not even a name._

"Guess not everyone connected with Ten Rings is stupid if they can pull that off," said Natasha.

_Where are we going?_ asked Tony.

_Over there,_ said the man, pointing as he hurried to catch up with Tony (he seemed a good bit shorter than the billionaire and probably had short legs). _We're not even sure he speaks English,_ he added doubtfully. _He hasn't said a word since he got here._

"Oh, he speaks English," said Rhodey. "He definitely speaks English."

_Five minutes,_ said Tony briefly, and he passed by a cell in which some prisoner appeared to be having his picture taken.

Then the man who seemed to have been acting as Tony's guide opened a solid-looking door into a blank, impenetrable room with gray walls that somehow managed to look as if they had no color at all. He gave Tony a warning as he stepped inside - alone.

"Ah -" Steve looked skeptical. "How did you know he wouldn't jump you or something?"

"I didn't," said the real Tony briefly. "I wanted to talk to him, see what he was up to. And then, you know, the thing wasn't bad for a knockoff of mine."

"You know it wasn't strictly a knockoff," said Pepper, who seemed to have relaxed for the moment.

"Not then, I didn't," said the real Tony.

As onscreen Tony let the door fall shut behind him, Wanda saw the inside of a prison cell for the first time. It was a completely square box-like chamber with a narrow cot against one wall and a narrow bench in the middle of the floor to sit on. It was not as tiny and claustrophobia-inducing as her idea of solitary confinement had been, but it was still no pleasant place.

Ivan Vanko sat on the bench with his back to the door. He wore nothing but a pair of boxers that were probably standard issue, and in the cheerless light they saw the tattoos all over his body like a written history of brutality and suffering.

For a few seconds there was silence as Tony walked slowly forward with his hands in his pockets.

" _Pretty decent tech,"_ he said at length. " _Cycles per second were a little low."_ He drew level with Ivan at length ("Great, more English," muttered Steve). " _You could have doubled up your rotations,"_ he went on as he came around to face Ivan. " _You focused the repulsor energy through ionized plasma channels. It's effective, not very efficient. Passable knockoff."_

"Looked like it did the job," said Sam.

"Yeah, I guess," said the real Tony critically.

Onscreen Tony walked up to the bench and actually sat down on the other end of it. " _I don't get it,"_ he pressed. " _A little fine-tuning, you could've made a solid paycheck. Could've sold it to North Korea, China, Iran, or gone right to the black market."_

"Oh, we've already done that," said Vision.

Thor looked up in alarm. "He sold the Arc Reactor to -"

"Oh, no, no, no," said the real Tony. "Just weapons-grade plutonium. Soviet stuff."

Ivan, who had so far sat still and silent, had now turned his head, and his lips curled in an amused smirk.

" _You look like you've got friends in low places,"_ said onscreen Tony, looking steadily into Ivan's face.

Then, at last, Ivan spoke, in perfect, if accented, English. " _You come from a family of thieves and butchers,"_ he said softly ("Uh, no, that's just me and Dad, my grandparents sold fruit and sewed garments," said the real Tony, which gave Wanda another shock.). " _And now, like all guilty men, you try to re-write your own history. And you forget all the lives the Stark family has destroyed."_

(Wanda still could not help feeling that it wasn't quite fair, the idea that somebody else had a "claim" on Tony's life which was possibly greater than hers had been.)

"Your dad's parents were poor?" Steve blurted out, and immediately regretted it to judge by his face.

"They were German-Jewish immigrants, of course they were poor," said Tony.*

Wanda felt better about being surprised by this when even Pepper gaped at him. Obviously this was anything but common knowledge.

" _Speaking of thieves,"_ said onscreen Tony, and his eyes hardened. " _Where did you get this design?"_

"Wrong question," said Maria.

But Ivan merely watched onscreen Tony intently. " _My father, Anton Vanko,"_ he said.

" _Well, I never heard of him,"_ said Tony dismissively, but his eyes did not soften.

"I'm about to," said the real Tony.

Ivan's eyes dropped to the Arc Reactor gleaming through Tony's black shirt. " _My father,"_ he said. " _is the reason you're alive."_

"Is _part of_ the reason," corrected Bruce. "Didn't you say he couldn't develop it on his own?"

"Well, yeah . . ." the real Tony didn't elaborate.

" _The reason I'm alive,"_ said onscreen Tony. " _is because you had a shot, you took it, and missed."_

" _Did I?"_ asked Ivan keenly, and the smirk flickered again. Tony did not reply.

" _If you can make God bleed,"_ said Ivan. " _then people will cease to believe in him. And there will be blood in the water, and the sharks will come."_ He leaned back. " _The truth? All I have to do is sit here and watch as the world will consume you."_

"What if not everybody who sees the blood in the water is a shark?" muttered Rhodey.

"Would you guys shut up already?" snapped the real Tony suddenly. "Yeah, I get it - I was stupid, I should've got some help, it didn't have to play out like it did."

" _Where will you be watching the world consume me from?"_ asked onscreen Tony. " _Oh, that's right, a prison cell."_ He stood up. " _I'll send you a bar of soap."_

" _Hey, Tony, before you go,"_ said Ivan, and Tony paused on his way to the door.

"Oh, what now?" huffed Betty.

" _Palladium in the chest - painful way to die,"_ said Ivan.

"But how did he _know_?" asked Thor again.

"I have no idea," the real Tony admitted.

Onscreen Tony stiffened, and rapped on the door to be let out rather more sharply than necessary.

As the door closed behind the American, the Russian gave a laugh of triumph.

And then, on a television screen, Senator Stern was speaking. The subtitle was his name and a caption that said 'Stark should hand over Suit!' " _It's just unbelievable,"_ he said. " _It proves that the genie is out of the bottle, and this man has no idea what he's doing. He thinks of the Iron Man weapon as a toy!"_

"Oh, no, not that prick!" said Rhodey.

"Weapon again?" said Bruce. "This is getting old."

"Oh, but don't you see?" cried Betty suddenly. "This is the point - this is what Vanko was talking about, because Iron Man's supposed to be invincible, and now apparently someone can just walk up and attack him. He just _made God bleed_ , and nobody believes in him anymore."

"If you are referring to public opinion, Tony's actions both before and after Monaco didn't exactly help his case," said Vision mildly.

Onscreen, Pepper sat in a surprisingly comfortable-looking chair on a luxurious-looking plane across from the television. Behind her, in the doorway of the rear cabin, Tony appeared with a covered plate. He paused when he saw who was on.

" _I was at a hearing,"_ continued Stern. " _where Mr. Stark, in fact, was adamant that these suits can't exist anywhere else, don't exist anywhere else, never will exist anywhere else, at least for five to ten years. And here we are in Monaco, realizing, uh-oh, these suits exist now."_

"One exists, and it belongs to a nutjob whose target is Stark and not uninvolved civilians," muttered Darcy rebelliously.

" _Mute,"_ said onscreen Tony, and the television obediently silenced itself.

" _Thank_ you!" said Clint.

" _He should be giving me a medal,"_ said onscreen Tony, advancing into the room with the dish and sitting down with it across from Pepper. " _That's the truth."_ He put down the dish on a tiny table between their seats and produced a napkin-wrapped fork and knife, which he set down on the ledge next to Pepper.

"He did eventually," said Rhodey, smirking. The real Tony rolled his eyes.

"Wait, has someone been cooking?" asked Natasha curiously.

" _What is that?"_ asked onscreen Pepper just as curiously.

" _This is your in-flight meal,"_ said Tony, and he lifted the dish to reveal what looked more like a chemical reaction than something to eat. It looked like there might be egg or cheese or both, and there was something green mixed in that was probably spinach, and the little brown things were almost certainly portobello mushrooms (almost certainly).

Steve neatly summed up how most everybody was feeling: "That's actually really nice of you, Tony - um - what exactly is that?"

The real Tony, who had just been on the brink of a smart retort, began to look offended. "It's an omelette," he said.

Onscreen, Pepper looked from the so-called omelette to Tony. " _Did you just make that?"_ she asked incredulously.

" _Yeah, where do you think I've been for three hours?"_ Tony spread his free arm.

"Aw!" said Natasha.

" _Tony,"_ said Pepper, looking him straight in the face. " _What are you not telling me?"_

"C'mon, this is it," said Sam. "This is _perfect_."

Tony turned his head, and looked out the window next to him. The sun was setting, and its light slanted through the pane, brightening and softening his dark hair while it set Pepper's ablaze in a halo of bright red and deep gold.

" _I don't want to go home,"_ said Tony at length. " _At all."_

The real Pepper's lip quivered, and the real Tony cautiously wrapped an arm around her.

Onscreen Pepper just smiled gently, and waited.

" _Let's cancel my birthday party, and, ah . . . we're in Europe, let's go to Venice, Cipriani. Remember?"_

"Is that the city sinking into the sea you told me about?" Thor asked Clint in what he imagined to be a whisper.

Clint nodded. "Lovely place. All the streets are waterways."

Pepper chuckled. " _Oh, yes."_

" _It's a great place to . . . be healthy . . ."_

" _I don't think this is the right time,"_ said Pepper, and her brow creased with lines of care (which Tony was always trying to make disappear, as Wanda saw). " _We're in kind of a mess."_

"Responsible as always," muttered the real Tony.

"It's why you love me," said the real Pepper, smiling a bit tremulously.

" _Yeah, but maybe that's why it's the best time,"_ said onscreen Tony. " _Cause then we -"_

" _Well,"_ said Pepper patiently. " _I think as the CEO I need to show up."_

" _As CEO,"_ said Tony, looking down. " _You are entitled to a - a leave."_ He glanced cautiously back up at Pepper.

"Not if she was new, not really," said Laura.

"I could've," said the real Pepper. "But I'd have needed a very good reason."

" _A leave?"_ inquired onscreen Pepper more sharply.

" _A company retreat,"_ Tony amended hastily.

" _A retreat?"_ repeated Pepper. " _During a time like this?"_

" _Well, I'm just saying,"_ said Tony. " _to recharge our batteries and figure it all out."_

_Or let them burn all the way out,_ thought the real Pepper bitterly enough to catch Wanda's 'ear.'

Onscreen Pepper leaned back against her seat. " _Not everybody runs on batteries, Tony,"_ she said softly.

"There! Right there! That was your opening!" said Rhodey.

But onscreen Tony smiled, and looked away. The plane glided through the evening sky, and he did not tell her.

Ivan Vanko sat idly in a cell that did not look like the room in which Tony had visited him. It was much smaller, there was a small iron "table" projecting from the wall, and there was a heavily barred door with an opening for food to be handed through.

"Why is he in a different room?" asked Thor.

"He's actually waiting to be deported," said the real Tony.

Through this opening, a guard who had just walked up pushed a tray through the opening, making brief eye contact with the prisoner before walking away.

Ivan got up and picked up the tray. On it there was a mug of water, a pile of something yellow, a gooey-looking white lump, and a small piece of folded paper.

"You know, I've wondered how this actually happened," said Natasha.

"How what happened?" asked Thor suspiciously.

"Hang tight, Thor," said Natasha.

Ivan glanced around outside the cell, and sat quickly back down with the tray. Hastily he bent over the small bit of paper, on which were written four Russian words. On the bottom of the screen was provided the translation - _Enjoy the potatoes!_

"That does not look like potatoes!" said Bruce with a shudder.

"Prison food, what can you -" began Sam.

Ivan hid away the note and hastily picked up the gooey white lump, which did not sag or fall apart in his hand as potatoes should do. He turned it over, and on the underside of the white lump was a very small screen with a red button and the number 35 flashing in red.

"That's not potatoes, that's a bomb!" said Sam.

"Duh, obviously!" said Steve.

"You better shut up," said Sam.

And then, almost the next moment, the guard had returned. This time he unlocked and opened the door, and another prisoner stepped inside, his long, disheveled hair partially obscuring his face. He looked confused.

"Oh, this was the guy they substituted!" said Rhodey.

"Or what?" said Steve to Sam.

"Boys," said Natasha sternly, and they both shut up.

Onscreen, Ivan looked had sharply up at the stranger - specifically, the number on his shirt above his breast pocket. The number was 6219. Then he took a quick look down at his own shirt - and the number above _his_ pocket was exactly the same - 6219.

"Uh-oh," said Bruce.

_Uh-oh_ was correct. Understanding dawned on both the men's faces almost in tandem, but Ivan was quick as lightning. He slammed the other man's head into the wall and then on the "table"; the man collapsed and lay on the floor.

"Whoa!" said Steve. "Okay, this guy obviously doesn't need electric whips to kill you!"

The guard passed by yet a third time, and passed his hand over the shelf of the opening in the door. When his hand came down, a key had appeared there.

"He must be an infiltrator, that one!" said Thor, pointing.

Ivan picked up the thing that was now obviously a small explosive, and stuck it to the wall by means of the whitish putty all over it. He pressed the little red button, and the number began to count down. Then he grabbed the key, reached out through the opening, and quickly unlocked the door. He strode out into the hall, leaving the other unfortunate man lying on the floor.

"Everybody else go home or something?" asked Fury.

The hallway down which Ivan now walked did seem quite deserted except for another guard, probably a real one. He called out sharply in French as Ivan passed, and the Russian paused.

"Well, that guy didn't," said Bruce.

The guard put his hand firmly on Ivan's shoulder, and Ivan waited just a moment before suddenly turning, wrapping one arm round the man's shoulders, punching him hard with his other hand, and snapping his neck. He then dropped him, and continued on his way.

"Oh dear," said the Vision so mildly that Wanda had to resist the urge to burst out laughing.

And then, back in Ivan's cell, the explosive went off with a bang, and an alarm began blaring loudly.

"Hope he wasn't trying to leave quietly!" said Tony wryly.

But Ivan seemed did not seem notice at all. He pushed through a set of doors onto a staircase and began going down them at first, but then saw two more uniformed men at the gate, locking it securely and shouting to one another.

"I guess _they're_ real guards," said Jane.

"Even if they are, Ivan wouldn't know," said Laura.

Ivan didn't wait to see if they weren't really guards - he turned and ran back up the stairs, only to be caught securely by two more uniformed men. One of them shoved a bag over his head, and they rushed him down the stairs. They turned a corner at the bottom and pushed him through what looked like a small back door. Then they tossed him into the back of a truck waiting outside and slammed the doors, and the screen went dark for a moment.

"Now we know _those_ guys were infiltrators!" said Clint.

"But where were they taking him?" asked Thor.

At that moment the screen lit up again as the doors of the truck opened onto the inside of a great garage (very pristine and clean-looking). At its far end was an obviously private white plane; but in the middle of it was a white-draped table and two chairs, one of which was occupied by a man. About half a dozen other men stood near the table in a line, like well-trained servants. Music that sounded like a string quartet came from some player they couldn't see.

"What on Midgard or out of it -?!" asked Thor.

As Ivan was escorted none too gently out of the truck by two tough-looking bodyguards and the uniformed infiltrator from the prison, the man at the table, who was obviously eating, stopped and spread wide his arms. " _Hey, there he is, there he is!"_ he said cheerfully, still obviously in the middle of a bite.

"Ohhh!" said Jane before opened his mouth. Thor gave her a reproachful look.

"I always did wonder what exactly did Hammer say to Vanko here," said Tony, leaning forward.

"It's Hammer, he won't disappoint!" said Natasha.

As the guards continued to walk Ivan forward, Justin Hammer got up from the table, napkin still tucked into his collar. " _What an absolute pleasure!"_ he said. " _Welcome. Oh, goodness gracious, can we get the handcuffs off my friend here?"_ He gestured to Ivan's hands with a reproachful look at the guards.

"Is he mad?" cried Thor as the man in the fake uniform began obediently uncuffing Ivan at once. "Why would he make a friend of a murderous madman? What did he think he would gain?!"

" _Forgive me, I'm sorry,"_ said Hammer to Ivan. " _I'm such a huge fan of yours, I didn't want to make a first impression like this."_ And then to the man just finishing with the cuffs, " _He's not an animal, he's a human being. Thank you."_

"He thought he was going to get one up on me," said Tony to Thor. "He knew he couldn't actually invent something better than anything of mine, so he's taking what help he can get. And trying to make it look like he's actually offering something valuable in return."

Then the guard asked Hammer something in French, and Hammer answered briefly. The man questioned him again rather doubtfully, but Hammer brushed him off with a dismissive gesture and a " _Oui, oui, we're fine."_

All three men walked off, clearly not very happy, but their employer had already turned to Ivan again. " _My name is Justin Hammer,"_ he said, holding out his hand which Ivan briefly shook. " _I'd like to do some business with you. Please, sit!"_ He resumed his chair, and Ivan sat down across from him.

"Do we have to watch him eat?" whined Tony.

"Shh," said Pepper.

" _Dig in!"_ said Hammer welcomingly, and one of the suit-clad servants who had been standing off to the side now approached the table.

" _What do we have today, Jack?"_ asked Hammer as the man set a plate with a gold, dome-shaped cover before Ivan.

"Ooh, white gloves!" said Clint, for the man was indeed wearing gloves that looked like they might well be silk white gloves.

" _Ah, we have some salmon carpaccio,"_ said Jack, and Wanda's mouth began to water. _Fish!_

"I love salmon!" said Natasha blissfully.

" _Salmon carpaccio, mm-mm!"_ said Hammer happily as Jack lifted the cover of the dish to reveal a delicious-looking filet of salmon. " _Anything you want here, we got it,"_ he added to Ivan, who was looking around and at the table like he had never seen such luxury in his life (which was very likely true).

" _I like to have my dessert first,"_ said Hammer, picking up a spoon and scooping from a dish of what looked like vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup and whipped cream with a cherry on top. " _I had this flown in from San Francisco - it's Italian, though."_ He popped a spoonful into his mouth. " _Organic ice cream. I've got a sweet tooth."_

"He just likes the sound of his own voice, doesn't he?" said Sam.

"Yep," said Tony. "He's about the only one, too."

Another white-gloved servant unfolded a white cloth napkin with a flourish and laid it in Ivan's lap, while a third had appeared to take one of three glasses in front of Ivan that were almost certainly of real crystal.

" _Apparently you do too,"_ Hammer went on. " _for Tony Stark."_ ("Lot of people do," said Tony flippantly.) He leaned forward. " _What I saw you do to Tony Stark on that track - how you stood up to him in front of God and everybody, that was - wow!"_ He spread his hands as though Ivan had done some very awe-inspiring thing.

"I don't think 'stood up to him' are the words I would use," said Steve in amusement.

A fourth white-gloved servant was pouring red wine into one of Ivan's remaining glasses. It was an unusual sight - Ivan, in prison scrubs, his dark hair sprinkled with grey, and most of his visible flesh covered in tattoos, being served with crystal and gold and dining on fine white linen.

" _You spoke to me with what you did,"_ said Hammer, pointing at Ivan. " _And I know that you knew I'd be listening."_ He pointed back toward himself ("Rubbish!" said Darcy. "He didn't even know you existed."). " _This is why I couldn't bear to have you shipped off to have you shipped off to God-knows-where, it would've been such a waste of talent._ ("Well, he's right about the talent," said Rhodey.) _But if I may make a suggestion, you know -"_ His brow furrowed, as if he were saying Something Supremely Enlightening ("Yes, please, educate us," said Natasha). " _\- you don't just go and try to kill the guy. I think - if I may - you go after his legacy, that's what you kill."_

"Seriously? You think he's interested in Stark's legacy?" scoffed Maria.

Ivan seemed by now to be focused on Hammer, and he watched him keenly.

" _You and me, we're a lot alike in a lot of ways,"_ said Hammer wisely, gesturing between Ivan and himself.

Ivan's eyebrow lifted at this.

Bruce cackled. "No offence, I hope!"

" _The only difference between you and I,"_ Hammer went on. " _is that I have resources._ ("Not to mention he's got _brains_!" said Steve.) _I think - if I may - you need those resources. Someone behind you, a benefactor. I'd like to be that guy."_

"Sure, have right at it, see if you survive," said Tony.

And Ivan laughed, rather mockingly, and spoke in Russian. Natasha's eyes widened, and she burst out laughing.

"What'd he say?" asked Laura.

Natasha was still giggling. "He said something like 'if I die, don't wake me up, I'd rather be dead than live in your world.'"

"Ho-ho, okay!" said Bruce, laughing, and many of the others joined in.

Hammer blinked. " _Okay,"_ he said, obviously confused and a bit miffed. " _Do you speak English? Because I can get a translator. I don't know - have you been understanding everything I'm saying?"_

" _Very good man,"_ said Ivan in English, still smirking. The Avengers and their friends laughed harder.

" _Very good man!"_ said Justin with obvious relief, and he laughed.

" _Very good man,"_ Ivan repeated, chuckling with the same mockery as before.

"Oh, you're not as dumb as you look!" said Tony, still chuckling. "You know I said that to him once, and he thought it was a compliment?"

"No! Seriously?" cried Rhodey.

" _Hey!"_ said Justin, and he raised a glass of vodka. " _Eh?"_ he asked, and Ivan picked up the bottle which held all the rest, leaned forward, and touched it to the American's glass.

" _Hey,"_ said Ivan, catching Justin by the wrist just as he was sitting down, and suddenly he was all sincerity. " _I want my bird."_

"Bird? What?" Clint blinked.

Hammer blinked again, obviously wondering if he'd missed something. " _A bird,"_ he said. " _You . . . want a bird."_

Suddenly Thor gasped. "The little white bird we saw at the beginning! Don't you remember?"

" _I want my bird,"_ Ivan repeated.

Hammer had obviously not understood. " _I can get you a bird,"_ he said. " _I can get you ten birds."_

"But if it's his pet -" began Tony.

Ivan's hands came down on the table. " _I want_ my _bird!"_ he said angrily.

"Yeah, see?" said Tony.

" _Uh, okay, nothing's impossible,"_ said Hammer placatingly. " _I could . . . are we talking about . . ."_ He still appeared to have missed the point. " _This is a bird back in Russia?"_

"Um, obviously!" said Steve, raising his eyebrows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Of course this is made up entirely by me. But it is a fact that a lot of the Jewish immigrants in the very early 1900s did go into trades like garment sewing and peddling wares like fruit. And the word "stark" is actually German in origin - interestingly enough, it supposedly means "strong" and comes from the Old English word "stearc" meaning "unyielding". So there you go - my headcanon Tony is half Jewish (we don't know anything about MCU Maria Stark's heritage, but as she married Howard when he was rich, it's likely she was white and came from a "good" family).


	7. The Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhodey worries about Tony, Hammer shows Ivan around his crypt, and Tony throws an ill-fated party.

In the lounge of Tony Stark's house by the sea, the room in fact that led down to the workshop, Pepper and Natasha were both obviously at work, each woman with a phone to her ear. " _Yes,"_ Pepper was saying. " _But the fundamentals of the company are still very, very strong despite the events in Monaco."_

The real Pepper pinched the bridge of her nose. "Ai, ai, oi," she muttered.

" _Yes. Yes, of course,"_ said Natasha at the same time. She leaned forward to Pepper. " _The AP wants a quote,"_ she whispered.

" _Don't tell him, fax them,"_ Pepper whispered back.

"Faxing? Who still faxes?" asked Tony.

Just then Rhodey appeared in the lounge, looking distinctly frazzled. " _Where is he?"_

"Oh, boy," said the real Rhodey with a sigh.

Both women twisted to look at him. " _He doesn't want to be disturbed,"_ said Natasha, but Pepper at once said, " _He's downstairs."_

"Traitor!" said Tony.

"Not answering that," said the real Pepper.

Onscreen Natasha gave a look that seemed to say, _I'm not taking the heat for this one_ , and went straight back to her phone conversation.

On the wall in front of the two women were three televisions running at the same time. The middle one was of a news broadcast where a reporter was just saying, " _. . . but his continuing erratic behavior may lead many people to ask themselves: 'can this man still protect us?'"_

"Not alone!" said Betty.

"Hooray the Avengers!" cheered Darcy.

Rhodey's eye was drawn to the screen; and it did seem rather odd that just at that moment Pepper said, " _Iron Man never stopped protecting us, the events in Monaco prove that."_

"Let it never be said that I didn't try," said the real Pepper.

"I'm not sayin' that," said the real Tony.

"You'd better not," said both Pepper and Rhodey.

Downstairs in his workshop, Tony sat in one of his many cars staring at a large screen which was displaying all sorts of images of newspaper clippings, photographs, and information boxes. He was noticeably pale, and the deep rings around his eyes looked eerie in the low light of the screens.

("God, you look _awful_ ," said Steve. "Thanks, Cap!" snarked the real Tony. "I'm serious!" said Steve.)

" _Query complete, sir,"_ said the voice of JARVIS. " _Anton Vanko was a Soviet physicist who defected to the United States in 1943. However, he was accused of espionage and was deported in 1967. His son Ivan, who is also a physicist, was convicted of selling Soviet-era weapons-grade plutonium to Pakistan, and served fifteen years in Kopeisk prison. No further records exist."_

"That's all you know," said Natasha to the Vision.

"I've significantly updated my information since then," said the android with a hint of irony.

It was then that Rhodey keyed himself into the workshop and opened the door. " _Tony,"_ he said. " _You gotta get upstairs and get on top of this situation right now. Listen,"_ He came forward into the room. " _I've been on the phone with the National Guard all day, trying to talk them out of rolling tanks up the PCH, knocking down your front door, and taking these."_ He pointed at the part of the wall where stood the little collection of Suits ("They were going to do that?" asked Clint. "Stop acting surprised!" said the real Rhodey). " _They're going to take your Suits, Tony, okay? They're getting sick of the games."_

Tony sat motionless, staring dully up at the screen.

" _You said nobody else would possess this technology for twenty years,"_ said Rhodey ("Five to ten, Hammer definitely twenty," muttered the real Tony). " _Well, guess what - somebody else had it yesterday. It's not theoretical anymore."_

"Yeah, well, technically that doesn't count, 'cause he inherited it, he didn't invent it," said the real Tony. "It's not like anyone else turned his head to look up at him, and Rhodey's brow creased with worry. " _Are you okay?"_ he asked anxiously.

"Nope!" said Bruce.

Onscreen Tony seemed to rally himself, and clapped Rhodey's arm. " _Let's go,"_ he said, and he opened the car door and nearly fell as he tried to climb out.

"Ooh!" Jane cringed.

Pepper winced, and the real Tony blinked.

" _Hey, hey!"_ said Rhodey, hurrying round to the other side of the car and pulling Tony up. " _You all right?"_

"Don't mind me, I'm just dying," said the real Tony.

" _Yeah - I should get to my desk,"_ panted onscreen Tony, and Rhodey helped him to it.

" _See that cigar box?"_ asked Tony.

" _Yeah,"_ said Rhodey.

" _It's palladium,"_ Tony huffed as Rhodey lowered him into the chair. Rhodey then opened the box, looking back to check on Tony as he did so. Looking decidedly unwell, Tony pulled the Arc Reactor from its socket in his chest, and up came the depleted palladium core.

"Yikes!" said Sam. "Look at that!"

A small ring of smoke was billowing from around the core.

" _Is that supposed to be smoking?"_ asked Rhodey.

"Technically, yes," said the real Tony. "It's depleted."

" _If you must know, it's neutron damage,"_ rasped onscreen Tony. " _It's from the reactor wall."_ He handed Rhodey the reactor.

"Well, it looks lethal," said Clint.

"It is lethal," said Vision.

Rhodey gingerly pulled out the smoking core. " _You had this in your body?"_ he asked wryly.

Tony turned away, and Rhodey caught a glimpse of the side of his throat. " _And how about that high-tech crossword puzzle on your neck?"_ he asked, for the veins stood out far too sharply against the colorless flesh.

"That looks even better," said Steve.

" _Road rash,"_ said Tony.

"Oh, yeah, right!" said Pepper.

Onscreen, Rhodey gave Tony an _oh-yeah-right_ sort of look and handed him the Arc Reactor, having switched out the old core for a new one. Tony pushed it into its socket and twisted it till it clicked into position and its glow poked once again through his shirt. He picked up another bottle of chlorophyll, glancing back at Rhodey as he did so. Rhodey was watching him closely.

" _What are you looking at?"_ he asked.

" _I'm looking at you,"_ said Rhodey truthfully. " _You want to do this whole lone gunslinger act, and it's unnecessary. You don't have to do this alone."_

"You won't be for long!" said Natasha, with a secretive smirk. Wanda tried very hard not to listen in, but she could hardly help it - so she _had_ eventually blown her cover. After a fashion.

"Not only that, I actually suck at doing this alone," muttered the real Tony, but of course Pepper and the Vision both heard which meant that Wanda more or less heard too.

Tony looked up at him rather wistfully. " _You know, I wish I could believe that,"_ he said. " _I really do. But you've gotta trust me. Contrary to popular belief, I know exactly what I'm doing."_

"If you say so," said Clint doubtfully.

Onscreen Rhodey's gaze remained troubled.

In Queens, New York, a black limousine pulled to a stop in front of a large building with the name HAMMER spelled across the top floor in huge letters.

" _This is where we do it,"_ said Justin Hammer as he led Ivan through his facility. " _This is my humble abode. You can work in absolute peace._ ("No you can't, with him crowding you," said the real Tony.) _Must be kind of fun to be dead, right? No pressure. Ah, here we are!"_ He pointed up and to the side, and they got a look at the Suits. There was something about their shape and color that made them look very different from any of Tony's Suits, even though they were technically the same sort of device.

"The ones at the Expo were definitely a step above that," said Natasha critically.

"If Ivan had a hand in them I'm not surprised," said Laura.

" _I'm very excited,"_ added Hammer as he walked with Ivan and an assistant up to the Suits. " _They're combat-ready. I may have done a few miscalculations and rushed the prototype into production -_ ("Oh, ha ha ha!" said Thor scornfully, remembering the embarrassing press conference video.) _\- sue me, I'm enthusiastic! Go ahead, take a look around."_

There were two rows of the Suits side by side, and on the floor in between them were a few monitors.

Ivan immediately put on a pair of glasses and walked up to a computer standing near the Suits, and began pecking away at once.

"Wait, is he hacking his way in?" asked Bruce, pointing.

" _Oh, you - you don't want to do that,"_ said Hammer, hovering over Ivan and pointing even as a black box full of HTML code appeared on the blue screen. " _You'll be able to access that as soon as we generate some encrypted passcodes."_ He turned to the assistant behind him. " _Could you get some encrypted passcodes? Get some of those . . . encrypted passcodes, Jack . . ."_

"This guy must've had a reeeally good team for his company to be doing as well as it was," observed Clint.

"Was?" asked Thor. "What happened to the company?"

At this moment, the box of HTML disappeared and the Administrator login was entered into the authentication fields.

"Hey, he's in!" said Rhodey.

"Surprise, surprise," said Tony.

" _Never mind,"_ said Hammer. " _I -"_

All the computers in the facility unlocked themselves in tandem with the one Ivan was working on, and more boxes full of code began to appear.

" _Wow. Okay, Good stuff."_ said Hammer.

"Oh, he's _really_ in!" said Laura.

Ivan said something in Russian that made Natasha cackle again.

" _Sorry?"_ asked Hammer.

" _Software shit,"_ said Ivan decisively before anybody had thought to ask.

"Did he just say that _to his face_?" Pepper raised her eyebrows.

"So, what do you really think about Hammer software?" asked Steve, chuckling.

" _Uh-huh,"_ said Hammer, blinking and raising his eyebrows. " _Well, ah . . ."_ he laughed. " _You're good. You really blasted in past the firewall there. Let me show you where you're going to be working primarily . . ."_

But Ivan had already walked up to the first of the Suits that was nearby, found a wheeled ladder, pulled it up to the Suit, and climbed up to look at it.

"I think he has his own ideas about where he wants to be working," said Sam.

"You think so, Wilson?" asked Bruce.

" _Go ahead, take a look,"_ said Hammer as Ivan began to examine the thing. " _Get a good look at that. That's something, isn't it?"_

Ivan appeared to be attempting to pry up the helmet as Hammer went on talking.

" _You know, those are really just for show and tell,"_ he said. " _And they're about a hundred and twenty-five point seven million a pop, so -"_

_Snap!_ Up came the helmet, cables and small metal parts dangling.

"Ooh," winced Bruce, having just heard the price.

"That's a lot of greenbacks for something that doesn't half work," said Natasha.

" _Oh, gosh!"_ Hemmer rubbed his forehead. " _Um . . . Jesus Christ . . ."_ He turned to the assistant and whispered, " _Get somebody up here."_ Then he turned back to Ivan, who was looking the helmet over. " _Uh, that's where the pilot goes,"_ he said ("Well, duh!" said Clint). " _I'm kind of . . . having a tough time . . . finding volunteers -"_ ("Gee, I wonder why!" said Steve) He chuckled uneasily as Ivan clapped the helmet back onto the Suit. " _I'll take care of that, just leave it."_

Ivan gave the helmet a tap to make it stay in place, and turned round to look down at Hammer. " _What d'you want them do?"_ he inquired.

"Make Tony look stupid," said Rhodey.

" _Well, long-term, I want them to put me in the Pentagon for the next twenty-five years,"_ said Hammer, and he put his hands in his pockets as Ivan came down the ladder and up to him. " _I want to make Iron Man look like an antique. I want to go that Stark Expo, and I want to take a dump in Tony's front yard. You know what I'm talking about?"_

"'Take a dump in Tony's front yard'? That's not gonna be good enough," said Steve.

Ivan laughed. " _I can do that, no problem,"_ he said.

" _Hey!"_ cried Hammer, brightening at once and clapping his hands. " _Fabulous! I love it!"_ He turned to the assistant. " _Hey, this is our guy!"_ he said, pointing to Ivan. " _Didn't I tell you? I had a feeling!"_

"Sure you did," said Maria.

And then, in Malibu, a long line of cars crawled slowly toward Tony's house.

"Ohhh, the party!" said Pepper, and she and Rhodey both looked stressed already. The real Tony actually looked embarrassed.

Around the Arc Reactor glowing in Tony's chest, the veins that stood out were darker and more numerous and more spread out. Tony stood in front of a screen and looked at his palladium levels, now up to 89%.

"Damn," muttered Clint, rubbing his forehead. "Already?"

Behind onscreen Tony, Natasha came into the room with a box in her hand. " _Do you know which watch you'd like to wear tonight, Mr. Stark?"_ she asked.

"Let it be known for the record that I tried," said the real Natasha.

"Why d'you say that?" asked Steve.

"You'll see," said Natasha.

As onscreen Tony turned from in front of the mirror, they saw that he was standing in what was probably the room next to his bedroom, dressed in black pants and a red dress shirt, currently unbuttoned, clearly for something special. " _I'll give them a look,"_ he said.

Natasha set the box on the counter, and then began to prepare Tony a drink.

" _I should cancel the party, eh?"_ he said.

"Yep," said Pepper.

Natasha turned around with the glass in her hand. " _Probably,"_ she said, beginning to walk toward him.

Tony came to take the glass. " _Cause it's, uh -"_

" _Ill-timed,"_ Natasha encouraged.

"Exactly," said Maria.

" _Right, sends wrong message,"_ said onscreen Tony.

" _Inappropriate,"_ said Natasha, looking at him intently.

"Very," said the real Natasha.

Onscreen Tony looked Natasha over as he took the drink, as if she were a puzzle he was trying to solve.

" _Is that dirty enough for you?"_ she asked.

"You like your martinis dirty, I forgot," said Bruce.

But Tony said, " _Uh, gold face, brown band - the Jeager, I'll give that a look."_

Natasha smiled again and went back to the counter.

" _Bring them over here,"_ said Tony, putting down the glass and sitting down in a chair. Natasha came back with the box, now open.

" _I'll take that,"_ Tony held out his hands for it. " _And you -"_

Natasha passed him the box and perched herself on the arm of the chair he was sitting in. She brushed back her hair back over her shoulder and looked over his face for a second. Tony smiled vaguely.

"Still ogling me," said the real Natasha cheerfully.

"Yeah, because I didn't know you could kill me with your little finger," said the real Tony.

Than Natasha picked up a makeup compact and began covering the still-fading bruises from the Monaco attack with perfectly matched foundation.

" _I gotta say, it's hard to get a read on you,"_ said Tony after a pause. " _Where are you from?"_

" _Legal,"_ said Natasha, and she began to blend the foundation.

"Midwest. You could've said Midwest," said Steve.

"No, I couldn't," said the real Natasha. "I didn't drawl and say 'come with.'"

Onscreen Tony hesitated again. Then he asked, " _Can I ask you a question, hypothetically? Bit odd . . ."_ He rubbed at the top of the bridge of his nose, probably spoiling some of Natasha's work. " _If this was your last party you were ever gonna have, how would you celebrate it?"_

"Also let it be known that I had _no_ idea what was about to happen," said the real Natasha.

"You couldn't have," said Pepper wryly.

And onscreen Natasha's mouth softened just ever so slightly. " _I'd do whatever I wanted to do,"_ she said. " _With whomever I wanted to do it with."_ And she got up and left the room.

Tony looked after her as if considering what she'd said, and finished his drink.

"Don't do it," said Rhodey to onscreen Tony.

"Too late," said the real Tony.

And the next thing they knew, a red-and-gold plated arm was reaching over the DJ station and a red-plated finger was trying to hit a sloppy dubstep beat. Tony, dressed in his red-and-gold Suit and obviously drunk out of his mind, was throwing a party as only he could - loud dance music, plenty well-dressed guests (rather scantily dressed in the case of the women), and of course, plenty to drink.

"Oh, really!" said Bruce. "You're going to add alcohol poisoning on top of the palladium poisoning?"

"That's seriously the first thing you've noticed?!" asked Steve in amazement.

"Man, I've got bad rhythm when I'm crazy drunk," said the real Tony.

Onscreen, Pepper came into the room and pulled up short, obviously dumbfounded, as Tony staggered slightly and bumped fists with the DJ (who discreetly winced and shook his hand).

"I know, some real bullshit, right?" said the real Tony to Pepper.

"Tony," said the real Pepper very seriously. "Please don't talk to me right now. At all."

Outside the house, Rhodey pulled up and parked with a cell phone to his ear. " _Yes, sir, I understand,"_ he said. " _No, no, sir, what will not be necessary, I'll handle it. Sir, I personally guarantee that within twenty-four hours, Iron Man will be back on watch."_

"Can you make guarantees like that?" asked Jane of the real Rhodey.

"Had to say something," said the real Rhodey. "You heard me earlier, they were literally about to seize those Suits, and all I could do was talk them into waiting one more day to do it."

Onscreen Rhodey came into the house and saw some of the party guests sipping from their glasses. Then he ran into Pepper, who was just walking out.

" _Hey, Pepper,"_ he hailed her.

" _I'm going to go get some air,"_ said Pepper stonily.

"Not to mention quiet," said Bruce, who even before his transformation into the Hulk had never enjoyed loud parties.

" _What's wrong?"_ asked Rhodey.

"Just everything," said the real Pepper.

" _I don't know what to do,"_ said onscreen Pepper pulling Rhodey into the next room where the real party was going on.

" _You gotta be kidding me,"_ said Rhodey in dismay.

"Unfortunately not," said Thor, blinking.

Onscreen Tony was staggering across the dais just in front of the DJ station with a microphone in one hand and a wine bottle in the other. As Rhodey and Pepper watched, he slipped sideways and fell into a small glass wine cabinet on the adjacent wall. He straightened himself up almost at once, and held up his microphone hand in victory.

"Well, that's embarrassing," said the real Tony. "Should really be able to walk in a straight line even at this point."

"You're drunk _and dying of chemical poisoning_ ," said the real Rhodey.

" _That's it,"_ said onscreen Rhodey in disgust, turning to go. " _I'm making -"_

" _No, no, no, don't call anyone!"_ pleaded Pepper, tugging on his jacket.

" _Pepper,"_ snapped Rhodey. " _This is ridiculous. I just stuck my neck out for this guy!"_ He pointed at Tony.

"Yeah, sorry about putting you in that position, by the way," said the real Tony to Rhodey.

"There's a lot that hasn't happened yet," was all the real Rhodey would say.

" _I know, I know,"_ onscreen Pepper was saying. " _I'll get it, I'll handle it."_

" _Handle it,"_ said Rhodey. " _Or I'm going to have to."_

Tony was now standing up again on the dais. " _You know,"_ he slurred. " _The question I get asked most often is, 'Tony, how do you go to the bathroom in this Suit?'"_

"No, seriously?!" squawked Steve.

"Oh, _God_ ," the real Tony looked genuinely embarrassed. "Did I _actually_ pee the Suit?"

His onscreen self paused, leaned slightly forward for a few seconds (somehow not falling over), and then straightened again with a satisfied smile. " _Just like that!"_ he announced.

"Eww!" cried Steve, Jane, Sam, and Betty almost in unison.

"I believe you 'peed' the Suit," said the Vision primly, and something about his manner made Pepper burst into rather hysterical laughter.

Onscreen Tony laughed drunkenly along with the crowd, bending over as Pepper climbed up onto the dais beside him with a smile plastered onto her face and took the microphone.

"Here goes nothing," said Rhodey.

" _Does this guy know how to throw a party or what?"_ said onscreen Pepper into the microphone.

The crowd cheered wildly and Tony attempted to straighten again and salute them. Then he bent over again, this time in Pepper's direction. " _I love you!"_ he slurred.

"You definitely wouldn't have said that if you were sober," said Natasha.

" _Unbelievable . . ."_ Pepper managed an obviously false laugh. " _Thank you so much, Tony, we all thank you so much for such a wonderful night. And we're going to say good night now, and thank you all for coming -"_

"Nice try!" said Sam.

" _Aw!"_ cried all the guests while Rhodey looked on with folded arms.

" _Oh, no, no, no!"_ protested Tony as best he could. " _We can't, uhhhhm, wait-wait-wait, we didn't have the, the, the cake, we didn't blow out the candles -"_

"Don't you do the cake and stuff _before_ you break out the drinks?" asked Darcy.

Pepper pulled down the microphone so that no one (except the unfortunate DJ) could hear him. " _You're out of control, okay?"_ she said.

"That's if you're _most people_ ," said Rhodey to Darcy.

"Gotcha," said Darcy.

" _I'm out of control?"_ Tony repeated dizzily. " _You're out of control, gorgeous -"_

" _It's time to go to bed,"_ Pepper went on. " _It's time."_

"If you'd had more to drink you definitely would have died," said Bruce.

"Thanks, Doc!" said the real Tony.

But onscreen Tony was actually leaning down toward Pepper (reeking of drink, as the real Pepper was remembering), pleading, " _Give me another smooch."_

"Nope, nope, nope!" said the real Pepper.

" _You're not going to be happy about this,"_ said onscreen Pepper, leaning away.

" _Come on, you know you want to,"_ said Tony.

"Nope, no drunk kisses tonight -" said the real Tony.

" _You just peed the Suit, okay?"_ Pepper reminded him, obviously not having any of it.

"- oh yeah, don't remind me," muttered the real Tony.

" _I know, it has a filtration system -"_

" _\- it's not sexy."_

" _\- you could drink that water."_

"Gross!" protested Clint.

Pepper sighed. " _Just send everybody home, okay?"_ she said. " _It's time to -"_

"Sleep all that off, yes," said Sam.

" _If you say so,"_ said Tony meekly.

" _Okay,"_ said Pepper. " _I'll take this,"_ she took the bottle from him. " _You take that,"_ she handed him the microphone.

"Here we go," said the real Pepper.

" _Pepper Potts,"_ said Tony into the microphone as if he were announcing her, and there was some scattered applause. " _She's right,"_ Tony went on. " _The party's over._ ("Good!" said Thor, relieved.) _Then again, the party was over for me, like, an hour and a half ago. The after-party starts in fifteen minutes!"_

"Oh," grunted Thor, disappointed. But all the party guests cheered with much more vigor.

Pepper shut her eyes briefly, but Rhodey just looked on.

" _And if anybody - Pepper - doesn't like it,"_ added Tony, jerking his head in the opposite direction of where she was standing. " _There's the door!"_ And before anyone could react, he lifted his free hand and blasted out the pane of glass behind him with his hand ray, making everybody standing nearby (including Pepper) duck hastily out of the way to avoid the shower of glass.

"The hell?!" shouted Steve. "Oh, this is just great!"

And the partygoers screeched their approval as Tony bent his knees and roared " _YEAH!"_

Pepper's eyes met Rhodey's, and she saw his face harden.

"Uh-oh," said Bruce.

"Yes, be very afraid," said the real Rhodey.

" _Pull!"_ said Tony, and one of the girls in the front row tossed a wine bottle into the air. Tony lifted his hand, and blasted it mid-fall with his hand ray.

"You're kidding me, right?" shouted Sam.

Onscreen, Pepper cringed, but everybody else was screaming and laughing, probably just as drunk as Tony.

Rhodey turned and strode out of sight.

"Here we go!" said the real Rhodey.

" _Pull!"_ said Tony again, and another wine bottle sailed into the air, and again he blasted it mid-fall.

"Somebody's about to get killed!" huffed Betty.

Rhodey marched down the stairs to Tony's workshop and keyed himself in. His eye at once fell upon the three Suits on the wall.

"Or maybe not," Betty amended.

Tony's head was turned _away_ from the crowd now and he was looking into a mirror. " _Pull!"_ he said, and someone threw yet another bottle into the air. He blasted that one as well. " _Yeah!"_ he roared.

"Oh, for God's sake," muttered Bruce, rubbing his forehead.

Then they saw the boots snapping into place around Rhodey's feet, and silver plates fastening around his legs.

"Wait, he could do that? JARVIS didn't shut him out?" asked Jane.

"Colonel Rhodes was authorized," said Vision.

In the room where the 'after party' was going on, a girl picked up a watermelon and jumped up and down with it, shouting, " _Over here!"_

" _Think she wants the Gallagher!"_ cried Tony, and this time it was his chest ray, right above the Arc Reactor, that blasted the watermelon apart, showering the girl and anyone around her with watermelon fragments.

"I'm all out of words," said Steve. "Totally out."

And then, in the middle of all the baying of the guests and Tony's attempts at dancing came the voice, not of Rhodey, but of Lieutenant-Colonel James Rhodes.

" _I'm only going to say this once,"_ he said from the top of the stairs of the workshop, gleaming in the silver of Tony's Mk II, his face uncovered because the mask was still up. " _Get out!"_ And down came the mask with a metallic clang.

All the guests fled without a moment's delay.

"Oh, it's about to go down, isn't it?" asked Clint.


	8. The Fight and What Comes Of It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Rhodey go head to head, Rhodey does his military duty, and Tony gets a visit.

Tony stared rather blankly at Rhodey, who strode forward into the suddenly empty room.

"Hoo boy," said Jane.

" _You don't deserve to wear one of these!"_ barked Rhodey, pointing to the Suit Tony was wearing. " _Shut it down!"_

"Can you get away with telling Iron Man to shut down his own Suit?" Erik blinked.

"When he's endangering people's lives with it for fun, yes you can!" huffed the real Rhodey. The real Tony held up his hands in an I-concede-that-one sort of gesture.

Onscreen Tony turned back to the DJ station. " _Goldstein?"_ he said into the microphone, which he was still holding.

The head of the poor DJ ("He's still there?!" cried Pepper) popped up from behind his station. " _Yes, Mr. Stark?"_ he said warily.

" _Give me a phat beat to beat my buddy's ass to,"_ said Tony, but he burst into another fit of laughter as he spoke.

"Aw, he still thinks you're his buddy!" said Bruce.

"What kinda song do you beat your buddy's ass -" began Steve at the same time, but at that moment Queen's _Another One Bites the Dust_ began to play.

Anyone even remotely familiar with the song (Wanda not included) burst out laughing.

Onscreen Rhodey marched up behind Tony and clamped his arm around the red and gold shoulder. " _I told you to shut it down,"_ he snapped.

Tony smiled, lowered his own mask, grabbed Rhodey's arm, and blasted backward with him ("How embarrassing," said Vision). Together they sailed through an open door way into a carpeted room, through a glass wall on its other side ("Ow!" said Maria, grimacing), and into the gym just next the boxing ring.

Rhodey landed hard on his side, but Tony righted himself almost at once (quite a feat, considering how drunk he'd seemed earlier) with a bit of help from his flight rays.

"Did you even know how to work the thing?" asked Clint of the real Rhodey.

Onscreen Tony turned and strode away from Rhodey. " _Now,"_ he said as he went. " _Put that thing back where you found it before someone gets hurt."_

The removable cylinder of a weightlifting dumbbell bonked off the back of Tony's helmet.

"Did you feel that?!" cried Pepper, startled.

"Thanks for caring!" said the real Tony.

Vision flung one arm around Pepper's shoulders and the other around her body, pinning her arms to her sides and keeping her from attacking Tony.

Onscreen Tony had turned round to find Rhodey just about to toss the other cylinder at him. He ducked sideways, and the cylinder crashed into what appeared to be a shower stall.

"You're in a Suit, you don't have to throw stuff to -" began Steve.

" _Really?"_ said onscreen Tony. He walked up and grabbed another dumbbell, shaking one cylinder off the end. He slammed Rhodey with it.

"I actually _didn't really know how to work the thing_ , Cap!" said the real Rhodey.

His onscreen self in the meantime went flying across the boxing ring, knocking down the ropes and posts, and landed on his back on the floor.

"You know, just why?" whined Darcy, dragging out the _why_ so that it sounded more like _whyyy._

" _Sorry, pal,"_ said onscreen Tony as he lowered himself toward his old friend. " _but Iron Man doesn't have a sidekick."_

"Flyin' solo, yeah, we know," said Steve.

" _Side - kick - this!"_ Rhodey grabbed one of the posts that had fallen off the boxing ring and slammed Tony with it once for every word.

"You know, Rhodey, I get why you put on the Suit, but this is actually starting to get ridiculous," said Pepper.

"What else was I supposed to do?" snapped the real Rhodey.

Onscreen would have slammed Tony a fourth time, but Tony caught the other end of the post. Rhodey tried to knock Tony over with a kick; Tony's left knee drove into the floor so hard it buckled slightly ("Yeesh!" said Bruce, and Wanda cringed). Then Rhodey tilted down his end of the post, and Tony crashed up through the ceiling to the second level, and from there clear up to the gong at the top ("Ding!" said Sam in time with the gong). He fell back to the floor, probably a bit dazed.

"End round one!" said Maria.

" _Had enough?"_ asked Rhodey as he flew up through the new hole in the floor.

"Please say yes . . ." Natasha vainly hoped.

" _Natalie!"_ barked Pepper as she stalked through the front room which opened onto the street.

"Yikes, angry Pepper!" Bruce looked slightly traumatized, and a distracting memory involving nearly an _entire floor_ of the old Avengers Tower in ruins floated across his mind.

" _Miss Potts -"_ began onscreen Natasha, appearing magically in front of Pepper.

" _Don't you 'Miss Potts' me!"_ that lady shouted, her finger leveled like a drawn dagger at the other woman. " _I'm onto you!_ ("Hope you're not really!" said the real Natasha) _You know what? Ever since you came here, I -"_

But at this moment Tony and Rhodey came crashing down through the ceiling and into the room not teen feet from Pepper and Natasha. Pepper gave a cry.

"Tear it up, don't ya?" snarked Fury.

"Great timing, guys!" said Clint.

Happy shot into the room like a bolt of lightning. " _Pepper!"_ he cried, barreling over to her as she stood frozen with shock and dangerously near the still-fighting Tony and Rhodey (Tony had just picked Rhodey up and slammed him back down into the floor).

"And we get you weirdos to save the world," grumbled Sam.

"Pot calling the kettle black," said Rhodey.

" _Get out of here, get out of here!"_ cried Happy, shoving Pepper outside to safety. Natasha appeared to be leaving another way; blue light shone onto her face as she cast a quick look over her shoulder.

"Where were _you_ going?" asked the real Pepper in astonishment.

"To brief Fury on the situation," said Natasha.

"Right, yeah," muttered the real Tony.

All the guests were gathered outside the house near the front door (which was entirely made of glass) watching Tony and Rhodey.

" _You want it? Take it!"_ barked Tony, and flung Rhodey across the floor. He advanced as Rhodey climbed to his feet, and punched the side of his helmet with one hand. He followed it up with the other hand, but Rhodey jumped aside and Tony staggered forward.

"Is this what is called a 'piss contest'?" asked Vision innocently.

The real Tony's jaw dropped. The rest of the Avengers (including Wanda) and most of their friends burst into laughter.

"Oh, my God!" squawked Natasha through her cackles. "Where did you even _hear_ that one?"

"From the Captain," said Vision.

Steve choked and turned scarlet while his friends all laughed again.

Onscreen, Rhodey rocked back on his heels and drew his hands up under his chin as if he were boxing as Tony pulled himself up and whirled back around. Tony punched the side of Rhodey's helmet; Rhodey responded by punching Tony's helmet. Tony punched Rhodey's helmet again. Tony punched Rhodey's helmet again. Tony punched Rhodey's helmet a third time, and this time when Rhodey swung for him he grabbed his arm and flipped him forward into a table.

Then he straightened up, and his viewfinder fell upon the small crowd gathered outside. He gave a furious roar, and they screamed and fled for their cars.

"Oh, _really_ ," muttered Betty as she sobered.

Then onscreen Rhodey got up, picked up a piece of the table his Suit had smashed through, and slammed Tony with it as hard as he could. Tony sailed across the room head first into a decorative fireplace.

"What on earth -" bellowed Thor, but Bruce said, "He's fine!"

Thor eyed him doubtfully, but remained quiet.

Onscreen Tony pulled his head and shoulders from the flames and turned around. At the other end of the room, Rhodey stood waiting.

Then Tony raised his hand.

"WHAT?" shouted the real Pepper incredulously.

Rhodey raised his own hand. " _Put your hand down,"_ he pleaded.

Bruce twisted around to stare at the real Tony. "Were you actually out of your mind?!"

" _You think you've got what it takes to wear that Suit?"_ asked onscreen Tony coldly.

" _We don't have to do this, Tony,"_ said Rhodey.

"Would you kill your friend in cold blood?" cried Thor.

"What kinda question is that?" shouted the real Tony. "What the hell do you take me for?!"

" _You want to be the War Machine, take your shot,"_ snapped onscreen Tony.

" _Put it down!"_ barked Rhodey.

" _You gonna take the shot?"_ demanded Tony as his hand ray powered up.

"So you'd have him kill you instead?" Thor's voice was rising.

"WHY NOT?" bellowed Tony suddenly, jumping up. "I WAS LITERALLY TWO WEEKS AWAY FROM DYING ANYWAY!"

" _Put it down!"_ shouted Rhodey.

" _No!"_

" _Drop it, Tony!"_

"So you wanted me to do the job for you, is that it?" shouted the real Rhodey.

"YES!" thundered Tony.

And at the same instant onscreen Tony said, " _Take it!"_

And then, at almost the same instant, Tony took the shot and Rhodey blocked it, their hand rays meeting in midair. The force of the two beams of energy was so great that all the glass on that level of the house shattered, and anything lighter than a marble countertop was blown outside.

This distracted even the real Tony, and Pepper took the opportunity to tug him back down.

"Oh, _God_ ," muttered the real Rhodey.

There was a brief glimpse of the house from a distance.

Then, in the ruins of the first floor, Tony lay against the wall where he had fallen, not moving for a long while, though the Arc Reactor was still glowing.

"A-are you -" croaked Bruce.

But onscreen Tony lifted his head, and his dark "eyeholes" lit up as he looked around.

"Oh, no," said Clint.

Rhodey, still in the other Suit, was just approaching the far end of the house. He paused, and turned to look back at Tony.

Wanda found herself holding her breath.

Onscreen Tony looked on and did not move.

Rhodey straightened his arms and lifted his head, and flew away into the night.

Tony watched, and did not pursue him.

"Well, is it over?" asked Steve in a small voice.

"It's over," growled Tony, and Wanda gave a quiet sigh or relief.

And then, as the view shifted to one of the Edwards Air Force Base in the Mojave Desert, Rhodey's voice echoed over military loudspeakers. " _Edwards Tower, this is Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes, inbound from three miles east at 5,000 feet . . ."_

"Wait, what?" asked Sam, squinting at Rhodey. "You're turning it in?"

"I turned in _one_ Suit to stop them from marching into Tony's house and taking them all," said the real Rhodey. "Clearly Tony wasn't about to talk to them at that point, so I did what I had to do."

Tony sighed and rubbed his forehead.

In the Air Traffic Control room at the top of a tower, Major Allen (whom they all remembered) was standing with a number of cadets. He and the others all squinted or help up binoculars, no doubt looking out for Rhodey's plane. Then a silver blur shot past the tower.

"Pretty savvy for never having worn it before," observed Clint.

On the ground, a small crowd quickly gathered to look up as Rhodey began to descend. His viewfinder picked out all the men of rank and listed their credentials. He landed gently on his feet, managing to power his flight rays down at exactly the right instant, and flipped up the mask of the helmet.

"Nice landing," said Natasha.

"Thanks," said the real Rhodey briefly.

" _Colonel?"_ asked Major Allen, quickly coming to the forefront of the cluster of people quickly surrounding the shining silver Suit.

" _Major,"_ returned Rhodey respectfully, but with no great enthusiasm, Wanda thought.

" _Wow!"_ murmured the major, his eyes dropping to the Arc Reactor in the middle of the Suit.

"Um-hm!" said the real Tony, his smug manner beginning to return.

" _Yeah,"_ said Rhodey, glancing down and then back up at his colleagues. " _Let's take it inside."_

" _Clear the area,"_ called Major Allen, and the crowd dispersed, a number of them following him and Rhodey into the nearest building as the screen went dark.

"Wait, that's not it, is it?" asked Steve.

But almost at once, more music began playing, and in another moment, Tony Stark was wearing sunglasses and eating from a box of doughnuts in the early morning sunlight. He was still wearing the Suit, with the exception of the helmet, which was sitting beside him. The sky was all orange and pink in mid-sunrise.

"That's a lot of doughnuts," said Clint.

"I was hungover," said Tony.

"Then don't you want some water?" asked Bruce.

Then they saw that onscreen Tony was actually sitting inside a large doughnut-shaped sign on top of a small restaurant called RANDY'S DONUTS.

" _Sir!"_ called an all-too-familiar voice from the ground as an all-too-familiar figure in a black trenchcoat tilted its head up to look at the obnoxious doughnut eater. " _I'm going to have to ask you to exit the doughnut!"_

"Exit the doughnut?" asked Pepper, beginning to laugh.

"How many times you think I get to say that?" asked Fury, smirking.

Onscreen Tony looked down at Nick Fury over his sunglasses in obvious surprise. Fury turned and walked toward the door of the shop.

" _I told you, I don't want to join your super-secret boy band,"_ said Tony as he sat slumped in a booth inside the shop, which seemed quite empty, with a coffee cup in front of him.

"Yes, you do!" said Pepper.

Across from him, Fury chuckled. " _Nah, nah, nah, see, I remember,"_ he said. " _you do everything yourself. How's that workin' out for ya?"_ He took a sip of coffee.

"Oh, disastrously!" said Thor.

" _It's - it's - it's -"_ Onscreen Tony seemed rather out of it. He picked up his coffee cup and put it back down. " _I'm sorry, I don't wanna get off on the wrong foot - do I look at the patch or the eye?"_

"Uh, the eye is a good idea," said Natasha.

Fury's smirk, both onscreen and in reality, did not lessen.

" _Honestly, I'm a bit hungover,"_ said Tony. " _I'm not sure if you're real, or if I'm having a weird delusion -"_

Fury leaned forward across the table. " _I am very real,"_ he said. " _I'm the realest person you're ever gonna meet."_

"You _would_ have to be real," said the real Tony.

" _Just my luck,"_ said onscreen Tony, and then turning to look around the little restaurant, " _Where's the staff here?"_

But in turning he inadvertently gave Fury a prime view of the side of his neck, with its milk-pale flesh and alarming veins.

"I'm pretty sure that looks worse than it did last time," said Bruce critically.

" _That's not looking so good,"_ said Fury, examining the sight closely.

" _I've been worse,"_ grumbled Tony, but at this moment a third party - that is, a set of hips - entered the scene. The hips looked like a woman's, and were snugly clad in black. There was a holster strapped to the left thigh and a belt around the proportionally narrow waist.

Steve whistled, causing most of the others to turn and stare at him. Wanda noticed the real Natasha smirking.

" _We've secured the perimeter, but I don't think we should hold it for too much longer,"_ said the voice of Natasha, and there she was standing in front of their booth. She was all in black, clearly in SHIELD attire.

"Well, hi, Natalie!" said Bruce.

Natasha winked at Steve, who whistled again. Thor was beginning to laugh.

Onscreen, Tony gazed at her over his sunglasses, completely flummoxed. " _Huh,"_ he said.

"Yep!" said the real Natasha.

Fury was now grinning at Tony for his response.

If Tony had been more himself he would no doubt have come up with a smart retort in seconds, but all he seemed capable of uttering at the moment was a mumbled, " _You're - fired,"_ that fell rather flat.

"Yeah, right!" said Sam, snickering.

" _That's not up to you,"_ said Natasha, and slid into the booth beside Fury.

"So I see!" said Rhodey.

" _Tony,"_ said Fury, laying a hand on each of Natasha's shoulders. " _I want you to meet Agent Romanoff."_

"HI, AGENT ROMANOFF!" shouted Clint, Steve, Jane, Sam, Rhodey, and Bruce. The others applauded heartily.

" _Hi,"_ said onscreen Tony, taking off his sunglasses and rubbing his eyes.

" _I'm a SHIELD shadow,"_ said onscreen Natasha crisply. " _Once we knew you were ill, I was tasked to you by Director Fury."_

" _I suggest you apologize,"_ said Tony.

"Yeah, fat chance," said the real Tony.

"Exactly," said the real Natasha.

Onscreen Fury ignored Tony. He leaned forward again. " _You've been very busy,"_ he said. " _You made your girl your CEO_ ("We weren't dating yet!" protested the real Tony. "Really? How naive you think people are?" asked the real Fury) _, you're giving away all your stuff - you let your friend fly away with your Suit!"_ (The real Rhodey shrugged equitably.) He raised an inquiring forefinger while Natasha smirked. " _Now, if I didn't know better -"_

" _You don't know better,"_ snapped Tony. " _I didn't give it to him, he took it."_

"You didn't stop me," said the real Rhodey to Tony.

"Yeah, well . . ." the real Tony shrugged.

" _Whoa, whoa, whoa,"_ said onscreen Fury. " _what now - he just took it? You're Iron Man, and he just took it? The lil' brotha walked in there, kicked yo' ass, and took yo' Suit?"_ ("Pretty much!" said Bruce.) He turned to Natasha. " _Is that possible?"_

"For Rhodey, yes," said the real Natasha.

" _Well according to Mr. Stark's database security guidelines there are redundancies to prevent unauthorized usage,"_ said onscreen Natasha smoothly and not a little smugly.

"Look no further," said the real Tony, pointing to the Vision.

Onscreen, Fury looked back at Tony inquiringly.

Tony looked from Fury to Natasha. " _What do you want from me?"_ he asked at length.

" _What do we want from you? No, uh-uh,"_ Fury shook his head. " _What do_ you _want from_ me _?"_

"Huh?" asked Steve, raising his eyebrows.

At this point Natasha got up and walked off, leaving Tony and Fury at the table.

" _You have become a problem,"_ said Fury. " _A problem I have to deal with._ ("You and Rhodey and Pepper, not to mention me," said the real Natasha) _Contrary to your belief, you are not the center of my universe -"_

" _Yeah, I get it,"_ Tony acknowledged.

" _\- I have bigger problems than you in the southwest region to deal with,"_ Fury went on (Maria suddenly smirked), and he snapped his fingers at Natasha, who had reappeared. " _Hit him."_

Natasha pushed a syringe straight into his neck with a snap.

"Whoa, hey!" protested Steve.

" _Oh, God!"_ squawked Tony, starting violently and trying to twist away as Natasha somewhat forcibly turned his head so she could look at his neck. " _Are you gonna steal my kidney and sell it?!_ ("Not with the state it's in!" said the real Natasha.) _Could you please not do anything awful - for five seconds -"_

But now the veins were fading away, and a flush of normal color had returned to his skin.

"Ooh, look at that!" said Jane.

Tony must have felt a difference immediately, for he looked back at Fury in alarm. " _What'd she just do to me?"_

"Shot you with meds," said the real Natasha.

" _What did we just do_ for _you?"_ amended onscreen Fury. " _That's lithium dioxide. It's gonna take the edge off. We're trying to get you back to work."_

_Because there's no way I'm repeating that GH.325 disaster on this wackjob_ , flitted through the real Fury's mind, and Wanda shuddered.

Tony rolled his eyes over at Natasha, whom he'd clearly not forgiven yet. " _Give me couple boxes of that, I'll be right as rain,"_ he said.

"Thank you, Agent Romanoff!" said Pepper, raising her eyebrows. The real Tony snorted.

" _It's not a cure,"_ said Natasha. " _It just abates the symptoms."_

" _Doesn't look like it's gonna be an easy fix,"_ said Fury, looking keenly at Tony.

"Was it?" asked Steve of the real Tony.

"What do you think?" asked the real Tony.

Onscreen Tony looked back at Fury, and an edge crept into his voice as he spoke. " _Trust me, I know, I'm good at this stuff. I've been looking for a suitable replacement for palladium. I've tried every combination, every permutation of every known element."_

"Then how -" began Thor, frowning.

But Fury said, " _Well, I'm here to tell you - you haven't tried them all."_

And the real Tony smiled.


	9. Howard's Greatest Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ivan gets a "present", Rhodey has his doubts about his soldierly duty, and Tony receives a very special message.

" _Hey, hey, hey!"_ Justin Hammer came striding into his facility. " _Special delivery - candygram!"_ Behind him walked his assistant Jack, holding something roughly rectangular covered in cloth.

"Whatcha got there?" asked Steve.

"Maybe it's the bird," said Tony.

"What, the bird that Hammer couldn't grasp the concept of somehow?" asked Pepper.

Ivan, who was up on a high metal structure working at the helmet of one of the Suits (which actually did not look very like a helmet), climbed down to see the special delivery.

" _I brought you something,"_ said Hammer as Ivan came up to him and Jack. He grinned as the man set down the cloth-covered thing. " _Oh, yeah!"_

Jack took up the cloth cover to reveal a smallish cage, inside which was perched a white bird.

" _We got you the bird, pal!"_ said Hammer, his assistant smiling dutifully.

Natasha squinted. "That doesn't look . . ."

" _This is not my bird,"_ said Ivan after one look at the little creature.

"That's what I thought," said Tony. "Can't even figure out the concept of a pet."

" _What do you mean?"_ blinked Hammer. " _That's the bird!"_ He turned to the other man for help. " _This is the bird, yeah! Pulled a lot of strings to get this bird. This is a great bird!"_

" _It's a beautiful bird,"_ said the other man helpfully.

"Is _anybody_ home?" asked Bruce, smacking his forehead. "Look, I get that he probably couldn't find the actual bird, but couldn't he at least have -"

" _We got this bird all the way from Russia!"_ Hammer went on.

" _Hey, man,"_ Ivan slammed his hand down on the cage, startling the unfortunate bird inside very much, and glaring balefully at Hammer. " _This is not my bird."_

"- not tried to fool Ivan with another one?" finished Bruce.

Hammer put his hands in his pockets and looked as if he'd just been royally insulted. " _Well, listen,"_ he said. " _even if it's not the bird, I mean, this is a gorgeous bird! I mean, you know . . . look, don't get so attached to things, learn to let go!"_

"Oh, really?!" Clint threw up his hands.

The little bird hopped a bit, and cawed.

"Shame, really, that _is_ a lovely little bird," said Pepper.

Just then Hammer caught sight of the Suit Ivan had been working at. " _Wait a minute,"_ he said, craning his neck. " _Jack, what is that?"_

"How's Jack supposed to know?" asked Steve.

Hammer was looking at the top of the Suit - which was undoubtedly _not_ a helmet for a man to wear. It looked like the head of a robot. " _Is that . . . that's not a helmet,_ ("Hey! Great observation!" said Tony) _what is that?"_ He jogged over to the structure around the Suit and climbed up.

Ivan ignored him, already beginning to make friends with the new bird.

Hammer lifted the apparatus out of the Suit and looked at it. " _Um, Ivan,"_ he said. " _What's this?_ ("Indeed what?" asked Thor) _Jack -"_ he came and handed the thing down to his assistant. " _\- is that a helmet? Doesn't look like a helmet to me."_ ("It's a drone-head, Einstein," said Tony) He climbed down the stairs again and came back up to Ivan. " _How're you supposed to get a head in there?"_ ("You're not," Rhodey rubbed his face) He turned back to Jack, who was still holding and looking over the not-helmet. " _Jack, could you put your head in there?"_

"I don't think you're supposed to put your head in there," said Maria.

" _No,"_ said the man truthfully.

" _Try to put your head in there,"_ Hammer insisted.

"Don't hurt yourself," said Rhodey.

" _No, it's no use -"_ began the unfortunate man, looking over the thing.

" _Go ahead, try to put your head in there,"_ repeated Hammer.

" _It's -"_ The man put the apparatus on top of his head; it was obviously too small and not the right shape for a man's head, and thus the head of poor Jack could not fit inside.

"What do you know, it's not a helmet!" said Bruce.

" _See, Ivan, he can't put his head in there,"_ said Hammer, turning to Ivan and pointing over his shoulder at Jack, who was quietly holding the drone-head ("I think Ivan knows that," said Pepper). " _That's - that's not a helmet, it's a head."_

"Look who hit the jackpot!" said Fury as Hammer pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose with an air of being put upon.

Ivan finally turned his head rather reluctantly as Hammer's voice went on. " _I need to put a guy in there, I need to fit a person in that, that Suit, you understand?"_

"Because you've had such success with that," said Natasha.

" _Drone better,"_ said Ivan briefly.

" _Wha - drone better? Why is drone better?"_ Hammer was clearly not happy with Ivan's work. He turned to Jack. " _Why is drone better?"_

"Stop buggin' Jack, he doesn't know!" said Steve.

" _People make problem,"_ said Ivan with a significant quirk of his eyebrow at Hammer. " _Trust me - drone better."_

The Avengers burst into giggles. "Wow!" said Betty. "And I bet he still doesn't get it!"

Hammer rubbed his neck. " _Ivan, you know, I like you,"_ he said patiently. " _I got you the bird -"_ ("Not the right one!" muttered Laura, shaking her head) he gestured to the cage. " _\- um, you said no problem!"_ \- accusingly. " _That's what you said to me. You said no problem. Now I need Suits. The government wants Suits. Like Iron Man, you understand? That's what the people want! That's what's gonna make 'em happy."_

"It's your own fault for giving someone smarter than you uninhibited access to your facilities," said Tony.

"We let you in, didn't we?" asked Fury dryly.

Ivan finally straightened up from the table where sat his new little friend and walked up to Hammer with a little mocking smile. " _Hey, man,"_ he said. " _Don't get too attached to things. Learn to let go."_ And he took the drone-head and put it down.

"You earned that one fair and square!" chuckled Sam.

Hammer scowled and leaned forward in an attempt to look intimidating. " _These drones better steal the show, Ivan!"_ he said angrily, and he began to walk away, Jack trailing after him. " _You understand? Better rock my world, Ivan!"_

"Oh good, he's gone," said Pepper. "I was starting to get tired of that voice."

Ivan gave a slight shake of his head as the two Americans walked off.

At the Edwards Air Force Base, inside the main building, Rhodey pulled open a large sliding door. Beside him stood the man who was obviously his superior, probably a general.

The real Rhodey scowled, and Pepper saw. "Rhodey," she said. "It's not your fault things went south the way they did."

" _Unbelievable,"_ said the general, staring in wonder at the shining silver of the Suit. Its Arc Reactor was hooked up to a powerful generator by several cords. " _This ought to get the Senate off my ass,"_ he added. " _It's functional?"_

Tony blinked. "It can fly, that's about it," he said.

" _Fully mission-capable,"_ said onscreen Rhodey flatly.

"Yeah, I know," said the real Rhodey to Tony with the shadow of a smirk. "You'd have made a million upgrades before declaring it mission-ready."

" _Good!"_ said the general, smiling and turning to walk away. " _Get Hammer down here to weaponize it."_

"Bad idea, _bad_ idea!" said Steve.

"I thought his contract was revoked," said Thor.

"It was," said Pepper. "And as long as he's just weaponizing it, it'll be fine. Ish."

Onscreen Rhodey's eyes widened, and he cast the Suit a look of alarm before hurrying after the general. " _Sir?"_ he asked sharply.

" _Justin Hammer's making a weapons presentation at the Stark Expo. We'd like this to introduce it."_ The general pointed back over his shoulder at the Suit.

"Has he got a slot, then?" asked Thor. Tony burst out laughing.

" _Sir,"_ said onscreen Rhodey, obviously regretting his choice. " _I don't believe that the Expo is -"_

The general turned and held up a hand. " _Colonel, the world needs to see this fast,"_ he insisted ("You mean _the Senate_ wants to see this fast!" said Clint). " _We've got to make this happen."_

" _Yes, General,"_ said Rhodey with a respectful nod. " _But the -"_

" _It's also an order,"_ said the general with the smile that means the conversation is finished.

" _Yes, sir,"_ said Rhodey.

"This is not your day, is it?" said Steve to the real Rhodey.

"Obviously not," said Rhodey.

" _Good work, Colonel!"_ said the general with a salute that onscreen Rhodey matched. " _You've made your country proud."_

"Suuure," said Sam.

" _Thank you, sir,"_ said Rhodey, but his gaze at the general's retreating back was full of doubts.

In the ruins of the first floor of Tony's house by the sea, Tony and Fury sat in two chairs in what looked like the lounge. Two agents stood at the edge of the balcony, keeping watch.

" _That thing in your chest is based on unfinished technology,"_ said Fury to Tony.

"Unfinished?" blinked Thor. "What was unfinished about it?"

"Oh, this one," the real Tony was muttering. "They _had_ to show this one, didn't they?"

" _No, it was finished,"_ said onscreen Tony, who appeared to be wearing a satin bathrobe over a black shirt and jeans. " _Never been particularly effective until I miniaturised it and put it in my -"_

" _No,"_ said Fury. " _Howard said the Arc Reactor was the stepping stone to something greater._ ("That I didn't know," Natasha admitted, looking interested.) _He was about to kick off an energy race that was about to dwarf the arms race. He was on to something big - something so big that it was going to make the nuclear reactor look like a triple-A battery."_

"Huh," said Steve, arching his eyebrows. "What stopped him, then?"

"Technology of his time," said the real Fury.

Onscreen Tony had been eyeing Fury skeptically. Now he leaned forward and poured himself what looked like a cup of water. " _Just him?"_ he asked. " _Or was Anton Vanko in on it too?"_

" _Anton Vanko was the other side of that coin,"_ said Fury, leaning back and turning his hand over as he spoke ("Ah, I'm starting to get it now," said Steve). " _Anton saw it as a way to get rich. When your father found out, he had him deported. The Russians found out he couldn't deliver,_ ("He couldn't?" asked Betty with some surprise. "Nope, just Howard," said Maria) _they shipped his ass off to Siberia, where he spent the next twenty years of a vodka-fueled rage. Not quite the environment you want to raise a kid in - the son you had the misfortune of crossing paths with in Monaco."_

Wanda was beginning to feel genuinely puzzled. Were the Stark family (well, Howard and Tony, she reminded herself) makers of weapons or innovators in engineering? Were they both?

Tony was frowning, and he pointed now at the other man. " _You told me I hadn't tried everything,"_ he said. " _What do you mean, I haven't tried everything? What haven't I tried?"_

"Doesn't JARVIS get at least twelve percent of the credit for that?" asked Pepper, and the real Tony blinked at her.

" _He said that you were the only person with the means and knowledge to finish what he started,"_ said onscreen Fury, taking a sip of his own glass of water.

"Billions of dollars, genius mind, advanced tech - let me see, I think he can do this!" said Clint, rolling his eyes.

Onscreen Tony obviously wasn't having any of it. " _He said that?"_ he asked with a rather bitter smile.

" _Are you that guy, eh?"_ asked Fury, leaning forward looking keenly at him with the single eye that seemed to pierce the soul and read the heart. " _Are you? Because if you are, then you can solve the riddle of your heart."_

"You know, without context that sounds like a corny romance novel," said Bruce. The real Fury shrugged.

Onscreen Tony shook his head, and his mouth tightened. " _I don't know where you're getting your information,"_ he said. " _but, um, he wasn't my biggest fan."_

Thor frowned at the real Tony, and opened his mouth. Then he seemed to think better of it.

Onscreen Fury was still looking at Tony. " _What do you remember about your dad, huh?"_ he inquired.

" _He was cold, he was calculating,"_ said Tony. " _He never told me he loved me, he never even told me he liked me. So it's a little tough for me to digest - when you're telling me he said the whole future was riding on me, and he's passing it down - I don't get that. We're talking about a guy whose happiest day was when he shipped me off to boarding school."_

Thor seemed to freeze, and Jane laid a hand on his arm.

Wanda clenched her teeth. Why couldn't it have been _anyone_ other than Tony Stark?

" _That's not true,"_ said Fury matter-of-factly.

" _Well, then clearly you knew my dad better than I did,"_ said Tony, leaning back in his chair.

"Lot of people did," said the real Tony, with a look at Steve.

Steve looked uncomfortable. _Not my fault Howard couldn't handle parenting,_ he thought.

At that moment two more agents brought up a large grey case and set it on the floor near Tony and Fury, just as Fury put down his glass and said, " _As a matter of fact, I did. He was one of the founding members of SHIELD."_

That surprised Wanda, and apparently Thor too. "He was?!" he asked.

"Sure thing," said the real Fury.

" _What?"_ onscreen Tony sat up, his eyes flitting between the grey case and Fury, who was actually getting up with the words " _I got a two o'clock."_

"Seriously?" asked Clint. "You're gonna leave us hanging like that?"

"I had a covert intelligence agency to run," said the real Fury.

" _Wait, wait, wait, wait,"_ onscreen Tony protested, standing up and pointing at the grey case. " _What's this?"_

But Fury glanced at his wrist and said, " _You're good right? You've got this, right?"_

" _No, I'm not good!"_ Tony was obviously interested now. " _Got what? I don't even know what I'm supposed to get!"_

"You figured it out though, didn't you?" asked the real Fury unrepentantly.

"Sure, and thanks for the help!" said the real Tony with a snort.

" _Natasha will remain a floater at Stark with her cover intact,"_ said Fury, putting on his coat. " _And you remember Agent Coulson, right?"_

"Ah, Coulson!" sighed Steve.

"Hard to forget, that one," said Thor.

The Vision opened his mouth, but Wanda gave him a vicious dig in the ribs (or the place where ribs normally were, anyway) and warned him silently to _be quiet_.

Both the aforementioned agents had appeared behind Fury in the meantime.

" _Yeah,"_ said onscreen Tony absently, still staring accusingly after Fury.

" _Oh, and Tony,"_ said Fury, pausing on his way out. " _remember - I got my eye on you."_

And he inclined his head at such an angle as to almost dare Tony to remark. But Tony was still obviously flummoxed, and said nothing.

"Uh, ha-ha?" asked Bruce cautiously of the real Fury.

"Don't worry, that one's older than me," said Maria.

Then onscreen Fury turned and walked away, and Tony paused and glanced toward Natasha.

" _We've disabled all communications,"_ said Natasha. " _No contact with the outside world. Good luck!"_ And she too walked away.

"What can I say? I had places to be," said the real Natasha with a shrug.

Tony gave Coulson a don't-you-try-my-patience look with a muttered " _Please."_ Then he said, " _I need a little body work - I'll put in a little time at the lab. If we could send one of your goon squad down to the Coffee Bean, Cross Creek, for a Starbucks run, something like that - that'd be nice."_

"Yeah, that's gonna work," said Clint.

"Found that out the hard way," said the real Tony.

" _I'm not here for that,"_ said Coulson with his inscrutable smile. " _I've been authorized by Director Fury to use any means necessary to keep you on premises. If you attempt to leave or play any games, I will tase you and watch Supernanny while you drool into the carpet. Okay?"_

"You know, everything about Coulson just looks so unassuming," said Betty. "But then he's with SHIELD, so . . ."

"You wouldn't believe how many people in our line of work used to fall for that," said Maria.

" _I think I got it, yeah,"_ said Tony.

" _Enjoy your evening's entertainment,"_ said Coulson, and he too turned and walked off.

"Thanks, pal," said the real Tony, with just a touch of sadness.

Left with no alternatives, onscreen Tony looked down at the case. It was mostly grey, with bright red clips. On it were the words PROPERTY OF H. STARK in bold black letters.

The chest plate was lifted from the Mk II, and Rhodey's brown fingers carefully removed the Arc Reactor from the socket in the middle.

" _Think this is the power source?"_ Major Allen was hovering over Rhodey with obvious interest.

"What does it look like?" asked the real Tony.

" _Major,"_ said Rhodey sternly. " _This is not a scientific exercise. Let's just focus on arming it, all right?"_

"I forgot this one doesn't have weapons yet," said Thor, pointing.

" _Yes, sir,"_ said the Major, and Rhodey stowed the Reactor out of sight. Just in time, too, because at that moment the voice of Justin Hammer echoed throughout the base.

" _Oh, yes!"_ he cried jubilantly as he came up to the table on which the Suit lay around which Rhodey, Allen, and another man were crowded. " _Oh, yes, yes, yes!_ ("That voice again!" said Pepper, pinching the bridge of her nose) _Is it my birthday? You got it! What did you do? What did you do?"_

"You do not wanna know," said Steve.

"Actually, I think he would," said Tony.

Hammer reached the table, two cadets pushing a large metal box behind him, and gestured to the Suit. " _Is this what I think it is?"_ he asked, pointing to it and putting a lollipop in his mouth with his other hand.

"If you think it's an Iron Man Suit, it is what you think it is," said Sam.

" _Yes, it is,"_ said Rhodey with a smile that did not touch his eyes. " _Hammer, I want to know what you're going to do for us."_

" _What am I going to do for you?"_ Hammer pulled the lollipop out of his mouth. ("Could you at least try to look professional?" asked Natasha, rolling her eyes) " _Well, the first thing I'm going to do for you is I'm gonna upgrade your software,_ ("No. Uh-uh. Do _not_ mess with the software!" protested Tony) _and then the second thing I'm gonna do -"_

" _That's not what I'm talking about,"_ said Rhodey. " _Hammer! I'm talking about firepower."_

"It's all you're fit for on your best day," said Tony.

Hammer, who had put the lollipop back in his mouth while Rhodey was speaking, now pulled it out again. " _Well, you're talking to the right guy,"_ he said, and crunched the lollipop.

"Are we? I'm not so sure," said the real Rhodey.

And then, with a pair of white gloves on his hands, Hammer began to demonstrate his collection, which he had brought in the metal box. Rhodey and Allen looked on.

" _Clearage high-tech semi-automatic nine-millimeter pistol -"_ he peeked at their unmoved expressions. " _\- too downtown? I agree."_ He put it down and moved on to the next.

Tony was shaking his head. "Check," he said, and Wanda took the opportunity to glance at his memories of removing that particular piece of "crap."

" _M-24 shotgun, pump action -"_ He pumped it to demonstrate. " _\- five-round magazine - you know what, you're not a hunter. What am I talking about? I'm getting rid of it."_ He put it down.

" _This is the F-N-2000, from Belgium - it sure makes something better than waffles! But I can tell this isn't disco enough for you, so I'm going to put it right here -"_ and he laid that one down too.

" _You're looking at a mill-four military grenade launcher - tear gas, smoke, hippie control -"_ he waited for Rhodey and Allen to laugh at the joke. They didn't.

" _You're tough!"_ said Hammer as he put down the grenade launcher. " _Let me tell you something,"_ he added as he faced the military men again. " _Size does matter, don't let anyone tell you different."_

"Not in my experience," said Tony.

" _This is an M-134 762 minigun. Six individual barrels, a torso taker, powder maker - our boys in uniform call it Uncle Gazpacho or Puff the Magic Dragon."_ He waited again for some sign from Rhodey or Allen.

"I don't think they called it that as a compliment," said Laura, raising a forefinger.

"You don't think?" snorted the real Rhodey.

" _Okay,"_ said Hammer, and he put down the minigun.

Then he pulled out a small black case and placed it on the table. " _This is the Cubans, baby, this is the Cohibas, the Monte Cristos."_ And he opened the case to reveal a small metal object shaped like - well, like a big cigar with a pointed end.

"I thought you just said size does matter," said Steve.

" _This is a kinetic-kill, side-winder vehicle with a secondary cyclotrimethylenetrinitramine RDX burst,"_ he said, handing the pointed metal cigar to Rhodey for a look. ("With a secondary _what?!_ " asked Bruce. "It doesn't matter," said the real Rhodey.) " _It's capable of busting a bunker under the bunker you just busted. If it were any smarter, it'd write a book, a book that would make Ulysses look like it was written in crayon. And it'd read it to you."_

"Well, by all means, don't undersell it!" said Tony.

Rhodey had handed the cigar-shaped thing (Wanda did not even _try_ to mentally recount the name) to Allen, and Allen now handed it back to its maker. Both men still gave no sign of being impressed in the least.

" _This is my Eiffel Tower,"_ said Hammer, taking it back and holding it aloft. " _This is my Rachmaninoff's Third, my Pieta._ ("Whatever you say," said Tony, arching his eyebrows.) _It's completely elegant, it's bafflingly beautiful, and it's capable of reducing the population of any standing structure to zero. I call it the Ex-Wife."_

"Oh my God - the Ex-Wife?!" Jane burst into laughter as Hammer brought it to his nose and sniffed it as if it were really a cigar, still eyeing the two military men.

"Exactly - how pissed _was_ she?" asked Natasha, chuckling.

" _That's the best I got,"_ said Hammer, and he put the Ex-Wife back in its case and shut it. " _Are we gonna do this?"_ he asked. " _Give me something here - you're like a Sphinx. I can't read you."_

"Good!" said the real Rhodey. "I don't want you to know what I'm thinking right now."

" _I think I'll take it,"_ said onscreen Rhodey, unsmiling.

" _Which one?"_ asked Hammer.

" _All of it,"_ said Rhodey, and he turned and walked away.

"Well, don't look so thrilled!" said Natasha.

Hammer blinked, obviously stunned. " _All of it,"_ he repeated.

"Hey, like you said, Tony wasn't in weapons anymore, so they had to get somebody," said the real Rhodey.

In the darkness of his workshop, Tony opened the case Fury had left him. There were a number of things inside - a roll of something blue, an old brown journal, an old roll of film, and more.

"Oh, we're gonna see this too?" said the real Tony, sitting back. Pepper looked interested; she'd never seen this before.

"See what? What're we about to look at?" asked Rhodey.

"Well, we're about to look at it," said the real Tony

The roll of blue turned out to be the very same Arc Reactor plans that they'd seen Ivan using earlier, with the names Anton Vanko and Howard Stark side by side. Onscreen Tony unrolled the plans and looked over them for a few moments before setting them down. Then he took out a very old newspaper with the headline SOVIET SCIENTIST VANKO DEFECTS, and underneath the headline a photo of a man standing over something that could only be a predecessor of the Arc Reactor.

"Publicity stunt, indeed," Helen was heard to mutter.

Then Tony pulled out the roll of film, and the next moment he was playing it on a large screen over his desk.

A director's clapperboard appeared in front of the camera, and Sam raised his eyebrows. "Behind-the-scenes footage?" he asked.

It was in fact footage edited from the very clip that Tony had played earlier at the start of his Expo. A tiny model of the large Arc Reactor sat on a table, and Howard Stark sat on a desk behind it. He spread his arms. " _Everything is achievable through technology,"_ he began, rising to his feet and beginning to make his way across to the Expo model. " _Better living, robust health, and for the first time in human history . . ."_

"That clip must have taken the entire day to film," said Laura.

"Exactly - one misspoken word or misstep and you have to start the take all over again," said Pepper with a grimace.

Onscreen, Tony was sitting back and flipping through the old journal, the pages of which were filled with equations and formulas, and taking notes on them. He wasn't really paying much attention to the screen.

"You find anything helpful in there?" asked Rhodey of the real Tony.

"Semi-sorta," said the real Tony rather absently.

Howard appeared to have made a blunder. " _City of the Future, City of Tomorrow,"_ he muttered, retracing his steps to just beyond the Expo model. " _City of the Future, I think."_

"So Howard left you the blooper reel from his Expo promotional video?" asked Steve, frowning. "Am I missing something?"

"Hang tight," said the real Tony.

Howard poised himself to walk back in front of the model. " _I'm Howard Stark,"_ he began again. " _And everything you'll need in the future can be found right here."_

Just as Howard turned back toward the camera, the head and shoulders of a small boy who could only be a very young Tony popped up in the background behind the model.

"Aw, wook who's all littew and cu-ute!" said Rhodey.

"Hi there!" said Pepper, waving at the child.

"You're a riot," said the real Tony to Rhodey. "You're hilarious, you know that, right?"

Little Tony picked up a large circular piece from off the surface of the model as his father spoke on, completely unaware. " _So from all of us at Stark Industries, I would like to personally -"_ But somebody must have pointed at the child, for he turned and looked behind him to see little Tony holding the circle.

"Oops!" said Steve, who as Wanda had recently learned was fond of children.

" _Tony, what are you doing back there?"_ asked Howard sharply. " _What is that? Put that back. Put it back where you got it from!"_

"Okay, Daddy Grouchy-pants!" said Jane.

Grown-up Tony watched stonily as his father pointed out the place for the circle and his tiny self put it back obediently.

" _Where's your mother?"_ asked Howard. " _Maria!"_ he called.

A woman they couldn't see very clearly hurried into the frame, picked Tony up, and carried him out of sight.

"Life happens," said the real Tony with a shrug.

" _C'mon, go,"_ said Howard, shooing the pair out of the frame. " _Go, go, go."_ He turned back to the camera. " _All right, I think we've got the, uh - I'll come in and, um -"_ He backed up past the end of the end of the Expo model again.

"Did he put _all_ the film in there or something?" asked Sam.

Then the film went through a number of different frames for a second or two, before another clip, this time of Howard drinking from a glass, began to play. " _Are you waiting on me?"_ asked the voice of the cameraman. Howard merely held up a finger and continued to drink.

"No, of course he's not waiting on you," said Steve, rolling his eyes.

Then another frame of the old-fashioned film countdown appeared (3, 2, and 1). Then Howard appeared again. " _So from all of us at Stark Industries, I'd like to personally show you -"_ He began to turn. " _\- my ass. I'd like to - I can't -"_

"Don't show us that," joked Bruce.

"Your lines, dude, your lines," said Clint.

Grown-up Tony watched as Howard fumbled through yet another take, having come to the end of the written pages of the journal (the rest were blank). " _We have this, don't we? - Everything is achievable through technology. Everything -"_

Tony took a sip from a glass of his own, ignoring the video playing. He looked into the glass rather absently for a moment.

"Not trying to cramp your style or anything," Clint was beginning again in amusement. "But -"

" _Tony."_ Howard's voice caused Clint to stop and onscreen Tony to look up automatically. Howard was staring directly into the camera, so that it seemed he was looking across the years straight into the face of his son.

" _You are too young to understand this right now,"_ said Howard. " _so I thought I would put it on film for you."_ He pointed at the model behind him. ("Scary," murmured Steve. "It's like he knew he wouldn't be there for Tony's adulthood.") " _I built this for you. And someday you'll realize that it represents a whole lot more than just people's inventions - it represents my life's work."_

"It does?" Betty nearly whispered, spellbound as the old camera took a few close-up shots of the surface of the model as Howard spoke - the globe, the Arc Reactor.

"It does," said the real Tony almost dreamily.

" _This is the key to the future,"_ said Howard. " _I'm limited by the technology of my time, but one day you'll figure this out. And when you do, you will change the world. What is and always will be my greatest creation - is you."_

The Avengers watched in almost breathless silence as Tony and Howard stared for one moment longer into one another's faces, parted in reality by thirty-five years - and then Tony's screen went blank.


	10. The Key to the Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony discovers his inheritance.

Onscreen Tony sped down the lonely road by the sea. The top of the car was down and he was wearing sunglasses. Wanda gently nudged the Vision, who bent his head to hide a smile.

The other viewers began to stir a bit. They'd been sitting very still and quiet for the last few minutes.

"Hey, why aren't you tased and drooling into the carpet?" asked Bruce suddenly.

"Ya know, that's a question to ask _them_ ," the real Tony pointed vaguely in the direction of Fury, as if Fury somehow represented all of SHIELD.

Then onscreen Tony pulled to a stop by a roadside fresh strawberry vendor.

"Aw, crap," said the real Tony, and Pepper smiled wryly. "These are _the strawberries,_ aren't they?" she asked significantly.

"Yep," said Tony.

" _Six dollar, six,"_ said the vendor.

" _I don't have any dough, but -"_ onscreen Tony reached for the expensive watch on his wrist. " _\- here -"_

"And how many times have I told you?" sighed Pepper. "At some point you have to -"

"- start carrying cash, yeah, I know," said the real Tony.

"Aww," said Natasha. "Aren't you guys cute!"

"Ya know what, Romanoff," said Tony with a pretense of being threatening.

" _No, sir, that's too much!"_ protested the vendor.

" _No, it's fine,"_ onscreen Tony held out the watch. " _Take that, it's fine."_

" _No, Senor -"_

" _Take it, take it,"_ insisted Tony, pressing it into the vendor's hand. " _Ah, I don't like people handing me things, so if you could just drop that there, that'd be great."_

"You and your peeves," grumbled Rhodey.

Still in obvious shock, the man put a box of beautifully red strawberries down in the seat beside Tony. He must have spotted something on Tony's side of the steering wheel, for he pointed and asked, " _Are you Iron Man?"_

"I am Iron Man," said Steve, nodding.

"No you're not," said the actual Iron Man.

" _Sometimes,"_ said the Iron Man onscreen as he started up again and drove away.

"No 'sometimes' about being an Avenger," said Sam wryly.

" _We believe in you!"_ called the vendor as onscreen Tony disappeared into the distance.

"Yeah? How 'bout now?" asked the real Tony.

And then there was Pepper in the office that had once been Tony's and was now hers. She was on the phone. " _It was an illegal seizure of trademarked property,"_ she was saying just as the great doors opened (Rhodey looked uncomfortable, but the real Pepper said, "Hey, it was only the one."). Tony appeared on the threshold, strawberries in hand, accompanied by a receptionist.

" _Miss Potts -"_ the poor woman looked flustered. Pepper looked up from the phone, obviously weary and stressed.

"Wait, so you're just gonna walk in?" asked Darcy. "You can't wait until she's not busy or anything?"

" _Relax,"_ said onscreen Tony as he entered.

" _Mr. Stark -"_

" _Is here,"_ finished Tony.

"I was there primarily to get my belongings, particularly the Expo model," said the real Tony.

" _He refuses -"_

" _I don't, it's fine,"_ said Tony. " _I'll just be a second. You are excused, thank you very much."_

The woman vanished and shut the door.

"Oh, so you weren't actually there to stutter your way through not telling me you were dying?" demanded the real Pepper.

"Pepper, c'mon, why d'you think I brought strawberries?" pleaded the real Tony.

"Ahem," the Vision had apparently decided to intervene again. Tony and Pepper both pursed their lips and became silent.

Onscreen Pepper held up a hand to Tony. " _Listen,"_ she said to whoever she was talking to. " _it's our position that Stark has and continues to maintain proprietary ownership of the Mark Two Iron Man platform -"_

It happened that on a side wall was a television, and on that television was a commentator by the name of Bill O'Reilly that Wanda had noticed once or twice before. " _When Mr. Stark announced that he was indeed Iron Man,"_ O'Reilly was saying. " _he was making a promise to America. We trusted that he would look out for us."_

"Oh, what's his deal?" Steve flung up his hands. "He's always angry about something."

"No more so than most political commentators, I mean, it's practically in the job description," said Laura.

"True that," Steve acknowledged.

" _No, the Suit belongs to us,"_ said Pepper into the phone. " _Yes, but you're not - Burt - yes it does -"_

"Is Burt _your_ assistant?" asked Betty of the real Pepper.

" _He obviously did not,"_ the commentator went on. " _And now we learn that his secretary, a woman named -"_ he shook his head derisively. " _Virginia 'Pepper' Potts has been appointed CEO of Stark Industries. What are her qualifications?"_

Vision bristled, the Mind Stone pulsing with silent indignation. Wanda patted his arm to calm him

"Who do you even think you are?" Rhodey was muttering.

"That's Pepper Potts, you pig-headed gump!" snapped Jane.

" _No,"_ said Pepper sharply into the phone.

"Gump?" asked Steve, squinting at the astrophysicist. "Did you just say 'gump'?"

O'Reilly was still talking. " _Miss Potts is doing nothing to manage the situation -"_

" _Mute,"_ said onscreen Tony, who had obviously had enough. He stepped to the other side of the office, where were a number of boxes and a tall something covered with a cloth leaning against the wall.

" _No,"_ said Pepper again. " _Burt - Burt - Burt! Listen to me, don't tell me we have the best patent lawyers in the country and then not let me pursue this -"_

"Still keeping my world going," said the real Tony.

"Apparently _some_ -body has to!" said Clint.

" _I'll get this stuff out of here,"_ said onscreen Tony to Pepper, gesturing to the boxes and the tall covered thing.

" _Well, then, tell the President to sign an order,"_ said Pepper.

"You can tell the President to do things?" asked Erik.

Tony pulled at the cloth covering the tall thing - it was in fact the model of the Expo that Howard had left him.

" _We'll talk about it at the Expo,"_ said Pepper. " _Hammer's giving some presentation tomorrow evening._ ("Oh, yes he is!" said the real Pepper) _Will Tony Stark be there . . ."_ she looked at that gentleman.

"He will be there!" said the real Tony.

" _Will I?"_ Asked his onscreen counterpart, pulling up a chair in front of Pepper's desk.

" _No, he will not,"_ said Pepper.

"Don't jinx it," said Steve.

"She jinxed it," said the real Tony.

" _I would like to be,"_ said onscreen Tony hopefully.

" _Bye,"_ said Pepper, and hung up the phone with a decisive click.

" _Got a minute?"_ asked Tony.

"No, I'm busy," said the real Pepper.

" _No,"_ said onscreen Pepper.

" _Come on, you just got off the phone,"_ protested Tony. " _You're fine - thirty seconds."_

Pepper looked down at her watch. " _Twenty-nine, twenty-eight -"_

"Make it quick, pal," said Rhodey, chuckling.

" _Okay,"_ said Tony hastily. " _I, uh, I was just driving over here, and I thought I was coming to basically apologize, but I'm not -"_

"C'mon, really?" Rhodey threw up his hands.

" _Oh, you didn't come here to apologize?"_ inquired Pepper with some asperity.

"After all the wrong you'd done that woman -" muttered Steve.

" _Look, that goes without saying,"_ said Tony ("Wouldn't have hurt to hear you say it," muttered the real Pepper) " _And I'm working on that. But I haven't been entirely, uh, upfront with you,_ ("I'll say you haven't!" said Laura) _and I just want to try to make good - okay, can I move this?"_ He pointed at a small revolving object standing on the desk between himself and Pepper. " _This is crazy, it's like a Ferris wheel going, I'm trying to get some -"_

" _No,"_ said Pepper.

"It is a little visually distracting," observed Bruce equitably.

Tony moved his chair around so that he would not be so directly bothered by the thing. " _Do you know how short life is?"_ he asked, leaning forward earnestly ("No, don't skitter around it!" said Natasha. "You're on probation as it is!"). " _And if I never got to express - and by the way, this is somewhat relevatory to me - and I don't care - I care, it would be nice, I'm not expecting you to -_ ("Come on, spit it _out!_ " said Sam) _look, here's what I'm trying to say, I'm just going to say it -"_

Pepper had obviously had enough. " _Let me just stop you right here, okay,"_ she said ("And that was it!" said Clint). " _because if you say 'I' one more time, I'm going to actually hurl something at your head, I think."_

"Sorry, Tony, you earned that one," said Rhodey.

"Yeah, I know," said the real Tony.

Onscreen Tony was muttering in protest, but Pepper was having none of it. " _I am trying to run a company,"_ she snapped. " _Do you have any idea what that entails?"_

" _Yes,"_ began Tony. ("No," corrected the real Pepper.)

" _People are relying on you to be Iron Man, and you've disappeared,"_ Onscreen Pepper's voice was rising ("Good thing nobody knows about the party then!" said Steve). " _And all I'm doing is putting out your fires and taking the heat for it."_

"For which, incidentally, you deserve a gold medal," said Natasha to the real Pepper.

Tony had been drumming his fingers on the desk, and now his fingers came down on the end of a pen, which flipped into the air. Pepper caught it and slammed it back down. " _I am trying,"_ she said. " _to do the job that you were meant to do."_

"That you were already doing," muttered Jane.

Onscreen, Tony put his head on his hand, and shut his eyes.

Then, probably for the first time, Pepper noticed the box sitting on her desk. " _Did you bring me strawberries?"_ she asked, squinting.

Tony looked up hopefully.

"The peace offering!" said Thor.

"Pretty much," said the real Tony wryly.

" _Did you know,"_ Pepper's smile held no warmth. " _that there's only one thing on earth that I'm allergic to -"_

" _Allergic to strawberries,"_ said Tony, visibly deflating. " _Uh-hm."_

"Oh," said Steve. "Crap."

"I see," said Thor.

"Yep," said the real Pepper.

Onscreen Pepper's cold smile remained.

" _This is progress, Pepper,"_ Tony spread his hands. " _I knew there was a correlation between you and this,"_ he gestured to the box.

"Pity, I mean they look gorgeous," said the real Pepper regretfully.

" _I need you -"_ began onscreen Pepper.

" _I need you too,"_ said Tony, sitting up. " _that's what I'm trying to -"_

" _\- to leave,"_ finished Pepper. " _Now."_

"Oy, wrong time to say it!" Clint winced sympathetically.

And then the door to the office opened, and Natasha, dressed professionally again, entered the doorway with Happy behind her. " _Miss Potts?"_ she asked.

"Caught!" said Steve.

" _Hi, come on in,"_ said Pepper absently, looking down and starting to collect her things.

"Don't sound so excited," said the real Tony to Steve.

" _Wheels up in twenty-five minutes,"_ said Natasha, coming into the room and around to Pepper's side of the desk. She did not look at Tony.

"To go wh- oh right, the Expo," said Bruce. He pointed vaguely at his own head. "Memory."

Laura eyed him skeptically. "You are a _biochemist_ and a _nuclear physicist_. Your memory is _selective_."

" _Thank you,"_ said Pepper promptly.

" _Anything else, boss?"_ asked Happy.

" _I'm good, Hap,"_ said Tony at the exact same time as Pepper said. " _No, I'll need just a -"_

And there followed an instant in which Tony and Pepper glanced at each other.

" _Another minute,"_ said Pepper primly.

"Right, his boss is Pepper now!" Steve smacked his forehead.

" _I lost both the kids in the divorce,"_ said Tony, and he laughed. No one else did, and Happy shook his head.

"You never properly apologized to Happy, did you?" asked the real Pepper.

" _Ah, no,"_ said onscreen Tony, sobering again.

"Well, technically I didn't 'properly apologize' to you either," mumbled the real Tony.

Onscreen, Natasha stood next to Pepper without so much as a look at Tony.

Tony cleared his throat. " _Ahem - are you blending in here well, Natalie?"_ he asked.

"C'mon, really?!" Sam threw up his hands.

The real Pepper just smiled, remembering. She'd wondered, in the back of her mind, what on earth Tony was going on about.

Onscreen Natasha turned and looked at Tony. Wanda already knew the woman well enough to fear that look very much.

" _Here at Stark Enterprises,"_ Tony went on. " _Your name is Natalie, isn't it?"_

"Just so you know, I was plotting your demise for blowing my cover," said the real Natasha cheerfully to Tony.

"I figured," said the real Tony with a shrug.

Onscreen Natasha looked pointedly at Pepper.

" _I thought you two didn't -"_ Tony pointed back and forth. " _\- get along."_

" _No,"_ said Pepper, handing Natasha a file. " _That's not so."_

"Oh, it wasn't? Nice to know," said the real Natasha. The real Pepper blushed and did not speak

" _So it's just me you don't care for,"_ said onscreen Tony.

Once again, no one saw fit to reply.

" _No? Nothing,"_ Tony threw up his hands.

"You've kinda earned silent treatment status from Pepper at least," said Clint.

"Yep, rub it in," said the real Tony. "Rub it right on in."

" _Actually while you're here,"_ Pepper stood up. " _Maybe you and Natalie could discuss the matter of personal belongings."_

" _Absolutely,"_ said Natasha.

"Being the assistant and all," said the real Tony to Natasha. "I'd thought maybe you could, you know, assist."

"You're hilarious," said the real Natasha.

Onscreen, Pepper walked out of the office, Happy behind her. Tony watched the two until they were gone, then whirled back around to Natasha.

" _I'm surprised you can keep your mouth shut,"_ said Natasha.

"He can't," said Rhodey.

" _Boy, you're good,"_ said Tony eagerly. " _you are mind-blowingly duplicitous -_ ("I'm a spy, that's all," said the real Natasha in amusement) _how do you do it? You just tear things - you're a triple impostor! I've never seen anything like it -_ ("I bet you haven't!" said Steve) _is there anything real about you? Do you even speak Latin?"_

" _Fallaces sunt rerum species et hominum spes fallunt,"_ said Natasha smoothly and fluently, and she strode past him toward the door.

"Well, that's lenient," said Ian, surprising most of the others.

"You speak Latin?" asked Darcy.

"You never asked," said the Englishman with a shrug.

" _Which means?"_ asked Tony, but she didn't stop. " _Wait, what?"_ he called. " _What'd you just say?"_

" _It means,"_ said Natasha, pausing only for a moment. " _either you can drive yourself home, or I can have you collected."_ And out she went.

"Well, it is lenient, considering you did leave the house _and_ nearly blow her cover," said Pepper to the real Tony.

" _You're good,"_ called onscreen Tony after Natasha again, but she shut the door behind her.

Tony turned back around in the chair and sat still for a moment. Then the little revolving thing on Pepper's desk offended him again, and he grabbed it and stopped it with a roll of scotch tape.

"Thanks for getting rid of that, by the way," said the real Tony to Pepper.

His onscreen counterpart got up, taking the strawberries with him, and dumped them all into a little wastebasket near the corner where all his personal things were (except for one, which he put in his mouth). That is, he aimed the box at the wastebasket, but all the strawberries spilled onto the floor around it instead.

"You could always just eat them," Wanda couldn't help saying to the real Tony. Fresh fruits were among her newfound vices (great quantities of both time and money at her disposal for the first time in her life had given her the opportunity to discover such tastes and distastes), and her mouth was watering.

Onscreen Tony had turned to the door and was about to leave when he seemed suddenly to remember the Expo model. He pulled the strawberry out of his mouth, and gave it a closer look. Then he walked up to it, and looked closely at one of the edges. There, on a small gold plate, were engraved the words THE KEY TO THE FUTURE IS HERE.

"What? Where?" asked Steve, throwing up his hands.

Tony pulled the cloth cover completely off the model, and looked it over. He shut one eye and cupped a hand around the other, staring closely at the place where a model of the big globe sat, quite innocently in Wanda's opinion. Then he pulled down his hand and opened both eyes, and the look on his face became sharply alert.

Vision shared a small, secret smile with the real Tony.

Bruce suddenly sat up, squinting hard at the screen. "Is that what it looks like?" he asked.

"Probably," said the real Tony.

And then onscreen Tony was driving back home with the model next to him. Of course the whole model was far too wide to fit in Tony's car in one piece, so it was in four pieces [not broken] stacked neatly in the passenger seat.

"I don't understand," said Pepper. "How is the Expo model the key to the future?"

"Hang tight, guys," said the real Tony with a rather self-satisfied smile.

In his workshop, onscreen Tony bent over the re-assembled model and blew the dust off it. " _JARVIS,"_ he said. " _Could you kindly vac-U-form a digital wire frame? I need a manipulable projection."_

"Wait, you can manipulate a _projection?!_ " cried Jane enviously.

A hologram with faint blue light began to scan the surface of the model, moulding perfect imprints of every building, shrub, and structure inside it. Tony snapped his fingers as he waited.

"Damn, I'm too old for this kinda stuff," muttered Fury, obviously impressed.

" _1974 Stark Expo model scan complete, sir,"_ came the familiar voice.

"JARVIS! Welcome back!" said Laura.

" _Uh, how many buildings are there?"_ asked Tony, actually reaching forward and picking up the hologram as if it were a digital tabletop.

"Whaaat!" Steve's jaw dropped as onscreen Tony _carried the hologram across the room_.

" _Am I to include the Belgian waffle stands?"_ asked JARVIS.

"Whoa, take it easy!" cried Rhodey, delighted, while the others laughed. Vision once again looked as if he would blush if he could. The real Tony offered him a fistbump, which he carefully returned.

" _Ah, it was rhetorical,"_ said onscreen Tony, lowering the tabletop hologram to about waist height and letting go of it. " _Just show me."_ He snapped his fingers and flicked his arm, and the hologram spun horizontally.

Clint was shaking his head. "I gotta stop being amazed at this stuff," he said. The real Tony looked smug.

" _Uh-huh!"_ said onscreen Tony approvingly, and he tilted the hologram upward so that it was now 'facing' him rather than 'facing' upward. His eyes fell upon the model of the great globe. " _Uh, what's that look like to you, JARVIS?"_ he asked. " _Not unlike an atom_ (Helen shut one eye and squinted. "Huh," she said.) _. . . in which case the nucleus would be here -"_ He touched his forefinger to some point inside the glowing circle. " _Highlight the unisphere,"_ he said, and the globe turned bright gold.

"Da-yum!" whistled Sam. "You can turn it colors too?"

In one swift motion, onscreen Tony opened the hand that had been touching the nucleus and lifted the other hand, drawing them apart and toward himself. The now gold digital globe enlarged itself accordingly.

"Zwoop!" said Pepper, who had had a bit of experience with Tony's holograms.

It still looked to Wanda's untrained eye like nothing more than a precise model of the globe at the real Expo, complete with the solid continents, but Tony was staring at it hard, looking like he was on the brink of something.

" _Lose the footpaths,"_ he said, and then when JARVIS was slow to obey, " _Get rid of them."_

" _What is it you're trying to achieve, sir?"_ asked JARVIS as Tony made a sweep of his hand and eliminated all the highlighted footpaths.

"Yeah, what's going on?" asked Steve.

" _I'm discovering - correction, I'm re-discovering a new element,"_ said Tony, looking intently at the enlarged globe-nucleus ("Oh!" Steve looked even more impressed). " _Lose the landscape, the shrubbery, trees, parking lots, entrances . . ."_ He flicked each layer away as JARVIS separated it from the rest of the image.

"Ohhh!" cried Bruce, sitting up again and staring from the screen to the real Tony.

"Yep," said Tony.

There was now nothing left in the hologram except for the globe-nucleus and several other spheres at various points.

"I still don't -" began Rhodey.

But onscreen Tony said, " _Structure the protons and the neutrons using the pavilion as a framework."_

Maria's eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "So what Howard Stark left was actually . . ." her voice trailed off.

"Um-hm!" The real Tony affirmed.

"Was actually what?" Steve was beginning to get antsy.

And all the remaining parts of the hologram moved and flew onto the surface of the globe, so that it now seemed to be covered with little lines and dots. It spun glowingly in front of Tony.

The pieces fell into place in Wanda's head the instant before it happened.

Onscreen Tony clapped his hands, and threw them wide apart. The globe exploded into almost the whole of the workshop, surrounding him with little points of blue light. He stared around at all the tiny, regularly placed protons and neutrons inside the exploded atom.

The viewers broke into low murmurs of astonishment.

"Now I get it," said Steve, and his voice quavered even as he chuckled. "God, he was always a trick."

Onscreen Tony gazed in wonder at the structure of the newly structured atom. " _Dead for almost twenty years,"_ he said. " _Still taking me to school."_ He gave a soft laugh of exhilaration, and clapped his hands again, this time shrinking the hologram-atom into a ball the size of a quarter. He stared at it, still smiling.

"Wow!" whispered Rhodey.

" _The proposed element should serve as a viable replacement for palladium,"_ said JARVIS.

"Oh, good!" said Pepper with a sigh.

" _Thanks, Dad,"_ murmured Tony, staring at the tiny hologram.

" _Unfortunately,"_ JARVIS went on. " _it is impossible to synthesize."_

"You said the word 'impossible', you jinxed it," said Clint.

Dum-E (or U) clicked its claw eagerly.

"Hi, Dum-E!" said Steve, waving. "I just waved at a robot," he observed in some alarm.

" _Uh-huh!"_ said onscreen Tony, and he smiled. " _Get ready for a major remodel, fellas!"_ he called as he got up and began striding toward the stairs. " _We're back in hardware mode!"_


	11. The Future Unlocked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony refines the new element, and Ivan finally finds out he's been had.

Onscreen Tony was going to work.

He knocked a large dent in the wall of the workshop with a great hacksaw; he drilled a hole in the middle of the floor above with a jackhammer; he connected a number of cords to a box of power switches that lay on the floor; he threw the cords down through the hole into the workshop below where Dum-E stood at attention; he moved large boxes and pulled large, heavy pipes out of them.

The real Tony was grooving again to the beat of the music, which seemed to perfectly capture the hard-drinking billionaire in "work mode."

"This is gonna be good!" Sam rubbed his hands eagerly. "I can just tell."

"Is this some sort of a pattern?" asked Thor. "He seems to do his best work when he is himself at his very worst."

"That's about what it shapes up to," said Rhodey.

"Man, you were serious when you said 'remodel'!" observed Steve as onscreen Tony tore up the walls and the basement ceiling. "What are you doing anyway?"

"Stay a while and find out, Cap!" said Tony.

Then, at last, onscreen Tony appeared to have finished his alterations. The huge pipes seemed to feed into the room from various angles of the wall, balanced somewhat precariously on large piles of junk to keep them in position.

"That's quite a setup!" said Natasha. "Too bad it looks like one kick could totally ruin it."

"Don't kick my setups," said the real Tony.

Onscreen, Agent Coulson appeared at the door of the workshop, and keyed himself in. " _I heard you broke the perimeter,"_ he said.

"Yeah, where were you?" asked Jane.

" _Ah, yeah,"_ said onscreen Tony, who appeared to be looking over his complicated setup. " _That was like three years ago, where've you been?"_

"Emergency call," said Maria to Jane with a smirk. _New Mexico_ , she mouthed. Jane's mouth formed a silent O.

" _I was doing some stuff,"_ said Coulson, coming into the room.

"Super secret agent stuff?" asked Rhodey.

"Yep," said Fury.

" _Yeah, well, me too,"_ said onscreen Tony. " _And it worked."_

Coulson stopped by one of the large wooden crates, which was open.

" _Hey, I'm playing for the home team, Coulson,"_ said Tony, placing a leveling ruler on top of one of the pipes ("Oh, that's a laugh!" said the real Pepper. "They basically put it in your lap!" "Hey, you're supposed to be on my side!" protested the real Tony). " _You and all your fabulous furry freak brothers. Now, are you gonna let me work or break my ball?"_ He pulled a large metal piece from a plastic bag.

Coulson meanwhile just lifted from the open box a thing that looked like part of a plastic model of Captain America's shield. " _What's this doing here?"_ he asked sharply.

"Whoa! Is that what it looks like?" asked Bruce, arching his eyebrows.

Tony turned to look. " _That's it,"_ he said. " _Bring that to me."_

"Of course it is," said Natasha to Bruce.

" _Do you know what this is?"_ asked Coulson even as he walked it over to Tony.

"Ah, Coulson!" said the real Tony. "Cap was totally his idol."

"Yeah, thanks for reminding me," said Steve rather unhappily, and Wanda thought he was regretting the way he'd brushed the man aside just before the Battle of New York.

" _That's exactly what I need to make this work,"_ said onscreen Tony, and he took it from the man and looked over it. " _Lift a coil,"_ he said to Coulson.

Coulson got his arms under part of one of the pipes and began straining.

"What are you buildin' all that for anyway?" asked Clint.

"Observe, Legolas," said the real Tony.

" _Go, go!"_ said onscreen Tony. " _Put your knees in it - there you go!"_ He slid the shield model right under the pipe on top of the pile of junk where Coulson was holding it up. " _And - drop it - drop it -"_

Coulson let go of the pipe, which sank back down onto the shield. Tony whirled around and grabbed the leveling ruler, which he placed on top of the pipe above the shield. " _Perfectly level!"_ he said with satisfaction.

Steve blinked. "Did I just get symbolically relegated to supporting Tony Stark?"

"Cap, seriously, _don't_ blow up his head," groaned Rhodey; the real Tony was already looking insufferably smug.

Onscreen Tony lifted the ruler and addressed Coulson again. " _I'm busy, what do you want?"_

" _Nothing,"_ said Coulson shortly. " _Goodbye. I've been reassigned. Director Fury wants me in New Mexico."_

"He does, eh?" asked Thor, looking from Maria to Fury.

Fury smirked at him. "I sure do."

" _Fantastic,"_ said Tony. " _Land of enchantment."_

" _So I'm told,"_ said Coulson.

Pepper's eyes widened. "Oh my God - that was Mjolnir, wasn't it?"

"Yep!" said Maria and Jane almost in unison.

" _Secret stuff,"_ Tony prompted.

" _Something like that,"_ was all Coulson said, and he smiled his inscrutable smile again. Onscreen Tony matched the smile, and glanced back meaningfully at his work.

Without warning, Betty made a grab for the remote and paused the video. "This happened around the beginning of June, right?"

"Technically that was May thirty-first, but yes," said Maria with a wry smile.

"No!" said Darcy. "Seriously?! That's, like, the _exact day_ Thor got kicked out of Asgard!"

"That day?" Bruce gaped from her to Thor.

"That day," said Maria with the same smile.

"Okay," Steve held up a hand. "Are you tellin' me that Stark finished Vanko _and_ Thor killed the Destroyer _and_ Banner squashed the Abomination, or whatever, on the _same day_?!"

"Almost!" said Natasha. "Actually, Mr. Green and Doctor Blake here -" she reached over and thumped Thor, who raised one eyebrow ( _Of course she would know,_ he thought). "- had their fights on the same day, and Wonderboy there -" she pointed at Tony. "- had his two days before that. What, sorry you missed all the fun, Cap?"

Steve rolled his eyes (though he actually _was_ wishing he'd been thawed a few months earlier), and Betty resumed the movie.

" _Good luck,"_ Coulson was saying as he reached for Tony's hand.

"You're gonna need it," muttered Pepper, but the real Tony just smirked again.

" _Bye, thanks,"_ said Tony, shaking it.

" _We need you,"_ said Coulson.

"Don't tell him that!" protested Rhodey.

" _Yeah, more than you know,"_ said Tony.

" _Not that much,"_ said Coulson, and he turned and walked away.

"Yeah, that much!" said the real Tony smugly.

Then onscreen Tony went back to work. He appeared to be putting the last pieces in place for what he was about to do. Sitting on a table in the middle of the workshop was a metal disc with a hole in the middle. In that hole was fixed a tiny metal triangle.

Suddenly Erik's eyes flew open. "The element!" he said. "You're going to synthesize it!"

The real Tony pointed over at him. "You got it, Prof."

Bruce shook his head and muttered under his breath, "Does he just always get lucky or what?"

Betty, who was the only one who could audibly hear what he'd said, shushed him hurriedly.

Then onscreen Tony flipped a switch on a panel, and the pipes running in a circle around the room began to glow with bluish light. A soft whirring whine began to echo around the room.

" _Initializing prismatic accelerator,"_ said JARVIS.

"Hoo boy!" said Clint.

Onscreen Tony went to one of the pipes which had a steering wheel affixed to the top, which he began to turn. The whirring grew louder.

"What's happening right now?" asked Pepper uneasily.

"Relax, it's fine, nothing's going to explode," said the real Tony.

"If you say so . . ." Pepper did not seem convinced (and neither, in fact, was Wanda).

" _Approaching maximum power,"_ said JARVIS.

"Uh-oh," said Bruce.

"And what happens at maximum power?" asked Thor.

"Nothing dreadful," said the Vision, and Wanda was amused to see how easily the others simmered down when he spoke.

Onscreen Tony appeared to be losing control of the wheel. He grabbed a big wrench and clamped the end of it around the wheel, and then pushed hard on the other end.

A thin ray of piercing blue light which was pointing out from somewhere just under the steering wheel began to move. It burned across a stack of books, a nearby beam (leaving a trail of fire), a metal box with a "FLAMMABLE" warning printed on it (Wanda cringed, she couldn't help it), and a stack of shelves.

"Yikes!" squawked Betty.

"Are you _trying_ to blow it up?!" cried Steve.

But onscreen Tony had gradually been forcing the tiny beam toward the place where the metal disc sat on the table. Now at last he had reached it; he guided it right over the side of the metal disc (it left a dark burn line behind), and at last it hit one of the sides of the little triangle. The triangle began to glow.

"Ohhh!" breathed Sam in tones of sheer wonder that made the real Tony smirk yet again.

"How long does the maximum power even stay on?" asked Jane in amazement.

"If you're Tony Stark, practically forever," said Bruce.

Onscreen Tony struggled with the wheel to hold the beam in place, and waited as the triangle glowed more and more intensely till its light nearly drowned out the screen.

"Damn, that's bright!" said Rhodey, automatically shielding his eyes.

"I hope it's finished!" fretted Pepper.

Then Tony flipped a switch with a _clank_ , and the light began to recede until the little triangle could be seen again. The metal sides were still glowing, but not nearly as blindingly.

"Wow!" said Clint, pointing. "Look at that!"

" _That was easy,"_ muttered onscreen Tony ("That it was _not_ ," corrected the Vision), and he came up to the table and sat down before it. He pulled off his sunglasses ("What is it with Tony and sunglasses?" muttered Steve. "Always got 'em!") and looked closely at the little glowing triangle. Then he picked up a pair of pliers and removed it, lifting it before his eyes to gaze even more closely at it.

"Well, did you do it?" asked Betty.

" _Congratulations, sir,"_ said JARVIS. " _You have created a new element."_

"All right!" cheered Bruce.

Pepper thumped Vision. "And _you_ said it couldn't be done!" she teased.

And now onscreen Tony was opening a new Arc Reactor. He pushed the triangle into a little prepared space in the middle, and let the case shut itself. The triangle's glow brightened again, and a tiny whine issued from the Reactor.

"No more palladium?" Darcy perked up.

" _Sir,"_ said JARVIS. " _The Reactor has accepted the modified core. I will begin running diagnostics."_

"No more palladium!" said the real Tony, and pumped his fist in the air.

"Hey!" protested Sam, who was sitting almost directly behind him.

In the privacy of a small workshop inside Hammer's facility, Ivan was at work on his own Arc Reactor. The little white bird was sitting nearby, preening.

"So much for the drones!" Helen arched her eyebrows.

Then Ivan touched an earpiece he was wearing, apparently to receive a call.

" _Hey, Ivan,"_ said Hammer, who was playing golf with Senator Stern with Jack carrying clubs and balls. " _I got Senator Stern here. Thought we'd swing over and look at some of the drone designs."_

"Yeah, you do that," said the real Tony.

" _The drone is not going to be ready,"_ said Ivan.

"Eh, they seemed pretty damn ready to me!" protested the real Tony.

" _Not ready? What do you mean?"_ asked Hammer sharply.

" _I can make presentation,"_ said Ivan. " _Not demonstration."_

"Am I missin' something?" asked Steve, wrinkling his brow.

" _What the hell is the difference?"_ demanded Hammer with a mirthless laugh of exasperation.

" _Presentation,"_ repeated Ivan. " _No fly, no shoot."_

"Eh?" Thor blinked.

But Rhodey laughed. "Yeah, that's a lie."

" _Bu- wai-wha- "_ Hammer spluttered. " _Well, what can you make 'em do? I mean, this is a weapons presentation."_

"Looks like somebody's having fun messing with Hammer," said Laura.

" _I can make salute,"_ said Ivan.

" _You can make salute? What do you mean, make salute?"_ Hammer was clearly getting angry. " _What the hell does that mean, Ivan? This is not what we agreed to, okay?"_

"Well, boo-hoo for you," muttered Wanda. "It's your own silly fault." For whatever reason Pepper found this hysterical.

At this moment, the view in Ivan's little workshop began to expand, and they saw what was on the table in front of him - a long column with streams of electricity running along it.

" _You promised me Suits, and then you promised me drones,"_ Hammer was still going on.

" _Hey, man,"_ said Ivan. " _Everything will be okay."_

"Suuure!" snickered Tony.

" _This is not what I wanted -"_ began Hammer, but Ivan touched his earpiece again and hung up.

Then Hammer strode into his facility, two large men in black behind him.

"Ho-ho, he's not playin'!" chuckled Fury.

"Hey, where's Jack?" asked Natasha. There was indeed no Jack in sight.

Hammer and the two big men reached the room where Ivan was holed up and keyed himself in. " _Hey, there he is,"_ he said as he entered with the men behind him. " _It's the bird man."_

There indeed was Ivan, reclining against a wall, stroking a small white bird perched on his knee. He watched Hammer with a look that was so smug it was almost a sneer.

"I believe he's also the drone guy," suggested Tony.

" _Ah, thought you didn't like the bird,"_ said Hammer, with a mirthless smile. " _Is that right? Is that your bird? I'm confused."_ He shrugged and laughed. " _You said it wasn't, but now it looks like you're best of pals."_

"Looks like he's got a way with birds," said Sam with a shrug while onscreen Ivan continued to eye Hammer.

" _You love that bird, don't you?"_ said Hammer, and then he turned to his two henchmen. " _You know what? Take the bird,"_ he told them.

"Really?" Natasha rolled her eyes.

One of the big fellows stepped up to Ivan and grabbed the bird, which cawed in fright as its captor stuffed it into a cloth sack.

"Oi!" protested Bruce, sitting up.

" _Hey!"_ shouted Ivan angrily, also sitting up.

"Oh, you're an animal rights activist now?" asked Tony, but Pepper shushed him.

" _Take his pillows too,"_ said Hammer. " _Both of them. And his shoes, take his shoes."_

The men obediently pulled the pillows out from under Ivan's elbow, and the shoes from his feet (even they were tattooed!). Ivan made no move to stop them.

"Is this seriously about the drones, or the salute or whatever?" asked Steve. "Cause it feels -"

" _I took your stuff,"_ said Hammer. " _How's that make you feel? You feel bad? Good. Because THAT'S HOW I FEEL!"_ He pointed to himself as he shouted, his mouth hanging open just long enough to make him resemble a toddler throwing a tantrum ("Oh, go cry to your mommy!" said Clint). " _We had a contract! I save your life, and you give me Suits! That was our deal, and you did not deliver!_ ("Not sure what to tell you, I mean, you did let him in," said Tony) _I don't know if you're a genius or a fraud, I don't know what you are!"_

"He's smart enough to get past you, you dimwit!" said Natasha in amusement.

Hammer clenched his hand and shook it. " _Something really, really great fell into my lap,"_ he said ("What, the Suit?" asked Steve). " _And if it hadn't, I'd be at your mercy tonight. Now I have a piece of Stark tech that I pimped out myself."_ He puffed out his chest with pride ("Woe be unto us all!" said Pepper dryly). " _And now your overpriced paperweights are going to look like a backdrop to my demonstration. You dig what I'm getting at here?"_ He leaned down for effect.

(Wanda had to ask Pepper what this meant.)

Ivan spoke in Russian again, with the same scornful smile.

"What was it this time?" asked Thor, but no one had any time to answer him.

Hammer laughed. " _I don't know if you know this,"_ he said. " _But I don't -"_ his voice rose to a shout again. " _\- SPEAK RUSSIAN!"_

There was really something rather funny about the man's petulance, and some of the Avengers were beginning to laugh quietly. Ivan looked supremely unconcerned.

" _I'm going to leave now,"_ said Hammer, buttoning his jacket. " _And I'm going to go to the Expo. Maybe I'll even get laid."_ ("No, you're not going to do that!" said Pepper with satisfaction) He pointed at the two men in black uniforms. " _See these guys? They're your babysitters. They are not to be trifled with."_

"Them?" asked Maria. "How about him?"

Ivan's eyes slid from one to the other of the two guards, and indeed he did not seem intimidated.

" _When I get back,"_ said Hammer. " _We're going to re-negotiate the terms of our agreement. And you're going to make good on our arrangement. Because if you don't, you're going to be exactly what you were when I found you - a dead man._ ("Ooh, threats!" said Steve) _You got that?"_ He pointed to a television in the corner. " _Maybe you can watch me on TV."_ And he turned and walked out of the room.

"Nobody wants to do that, Hammer," said Tony.

The two guards looked at Ivan. Ivan looked back at them with a scornful smile.

"Think they're toast!" said Bruce.

" _Dum-E, U,"_ said onscreen Tony, still in his workshop in the garage of his mansion by the sea. " _Can we clean up this mess? You're killing me, you know I don't -"_

A notification dinged, and JARVIS said, " _Incoming call from a blocked number, sir."_

"Oh, you get to contact people now!" said Bruce to the real Tony, but that gentleman just arched his eyebrows.

Onscreen Tony turned round to his center desktop. " _Phone privileges reinstated,"_ he said. " _Lovely."_ He leaned forward. " _Coulson! How's the Land of Enchantment?"_ he asked.

" _Hey, Tony,"_ said the voice of Ivan ("What the hell?!" spluttered Bruce while Wanda jumped), and Tony stiffened. " _How you doing?"_ The voice chuckled. " _I double cycle."_

"And what's that supposed to mean?" cried Steve.

" _You what?"_ asked Tony.

" _You told me double cycles, more power,"_ said Ivan, sitting peacefully on the floor of the corner study with the bird on his knee and the two guards dangling from the ceiling behind him. " _Good advice."_

"Didn't know you'd actually get to use it . . ." muttered the real Tony.

" _You sound pretty sprightly for a dead guy,"_ said onscreen Tony.

"No kidding!" snorted Natasha.

" _You too,"_ said Ivan with another chuckle.

Tony muted his microphone. " _Trace it,"_ he said to JARVIS.

" _Sir,"_ said JARVIS respectfully, and one of the other computers began speeding away.

" _Now the true history of Stark name will be written,"_ said Ivan.

"And what the hell's _that_ mean?" muttered Jane.

" _JARVIS, where is he?"_ asked onscreen Tony.

"With my arch-rival!" said the real Tony cheerfully. "Where else?"

" _Accessing the Oracle Grid,"_ said JARVIS, and on the other computer screen the image shifted to North America, then zoomed in on the northeast corner of the States. " _Eastern Seaboard."_

" _What your father did to my family over forty years,"_ said Ivan. " _I will do to you in forty minutes."_

"Go on and try!" growled Thor.

" _Sounds good,"_ said onscreen Tony, apparently having unmuted his microphone for a few seconds. " _Let's get together and hash it out."_

"Oh dear, not again," muttered the Vision.

" _Tri-State area,"_ said JARVIS. " _Manhattan and outlying boroughs."_

" _I hope you're ready,"_ said Ivan softly, and he hung up.

"Oh boy, this is it, isn't it?" said Pepper.

"Yep," said the real Tony.

Onscreen Tony looked as his desktops in dismay. " _Call trace incomplete,"_ JARVIS confirmed.

Tony sat up, for a moment the picture of indecision, but at that moment his eye fell upon another of his screens. On it was an image of Justin Hammer.

Tony spun around, got up, and picked up the Arc Reactor with the new, still untested element.

"Here we go!" said Sam.

" _Sir!"_ protested JARVIS as Tony screwed the new Arc Reactor into his body.

" _You want to run some tests, run 'em,"_ said Tony, panting a little. " _And assemble the Suit while you're at it - put it together now."_

"Yes, do!" cried Thor.

" _We are unclear as to the effects of -"_ began the AI.

" _I don't want to hear it, JARVIS!"_ snapped Tony ("At your own risk, Stark!" said Natasha), and he gave a slight cough as the new Arc Reactor began to brighten. The darkened veins around the socket all disappeared.

"Well, that looks better already!" said Steve, looking considerably happier than he had for the last few scenes.

" _It tastes like coconut,"_ said Tony ("You're tasting it?!" cried Bruce). " _Gah, and metal -"_ (more than one viewer grimaced) But he must have felt better at once, for he shouted, " _Oh wow, YEAH!"_ as the light from the Arc Reactor engulfed the screen again.

"Whoo, I hope that's good!" huffed Clint.


End file.
